WRITING PROMPT | HOLIDAYS | RELATIONSHIPS

Back to Time, Holidays, Heal After Feeling Unloved

Time Travel, When Returning Can Heal and Change Us

Could time travel lessen my sadness? If I could return to my childhood, I would recapture the holiday magic felt as a child. And return to my present day with a renewed sense of awe and fewer expectations.

As an adult, stress fades the holiday sparkle. Overwhelm takes the joy out of holiday cheer — all the expectations, obligations, pressures of gift-giving, planning who to see and who to avoid. And the sadness — missing our loved ones who are no longer here with us.

The holidays challenge us and test our boundaries. Will we jump over hurdles to return home at the expense of our well-being? Or, decide this is the year we love them from afar.

What if we try something different? But if we break with holiday traditions, we fear disappointing our family.

It’s okay to say, No.

Simplify the holidays—choose to do less.

When we protect our boundaries, we gain peace of mind. Allow happiness and joy back into our lives.

h-o-l-i-d-a-y p-a-i-n

My love believes my increased visits to the massage therapist are due to stress. The therapist senses my flare-ups have an energetic component.

Hold on to hurt — the body is going to hurt.

Pain asks me to listen.

Subconsciously, I have been in protective mode, afraid of what is rising from within. Caving inwards stresses the chest, collarbones and shoulder blades.

No wonder my body hurts.

o-l-d h-u-r-t-s

During a Reiki session, an old resentment surfaces. Anger, disbelief and sadness bubble up when a long-forgotten memory floats into my awareness.

My aunt, seated next to me at our holiday table, whispered, Your mother tried to suffocate you with a pillow.

Her words cut me open.

She tried to hurt you. I love you more.

Why would she say this to me? Was this sister-in-law rivalry at play?

If I could time travel, I would return to the year my mother was 25-years young, console her at my crib — in crisis, suffering from post-partum depression. Living far away from her family and my dad working all day, she lacked the support system of extended family and friends.

She grieved the loss of the unborn child, my twin. Unable to care for herself or me, her newborn child.

Sadly, when society cannot acknowledge and support mothers, it scars the next generation.

i-n-n-e-r c-h-i-l-d

The massage therapist suggested I journal and write a letter to my mother. Not as an adult who understands what happened, but written from me as a child — uncensored.

We honour ourselves when we allow our inner child to speak freely. Say what we could not say then to the person central to our existence. And reconcile the hurt we felt as a child towards our parent, who was unavailable and distant.

Is this what the hurt is all about?

My mother was constantly at war with her body, a body screaming not all was well within.

Every time she danced at death’s door, the uncertainty traumatized us. Will she survive or leave us? Eleven near-death encounters kept us on edge, dysregulated, for decades. Wondering, are we the reason she is dying?

If I could time travel, I would return to the year my mother was 21 years young. When the world was her oyster. In love, full of hope and dreams for her future.

d-e-c-e-m-b-e-r e-n-d-i-n-g-s

My mother quietly rose from the table amidst a cacophony of laughter and lively discussions.

No one else noticed she walked away.

I knew then, felt the end approaching in the last days of December. This would be our last time gathered as a family, seated at her table.

Away from the others, I listened as she shared a dream. My deceased father asked her if she would join him and comforted her by saying there would be no further hospital stays. No more invasive tests, sicknesses, or chronic pain.

Without asking how she replied, I let her know it was her choice — knowing how tired she was.

r-e-m-a-i-n o-p-e-n

The moon shone the light of clarity and forgiveness into my dreams. To make room for the new, one must clear out the old. Anger, frustration, and resentment hold us back from authentically living in the here and now.

The moment you remove bad energies and things from your life, you make room for new and better things to come and change your life. Don’t get stuck in a situation where you know you are not respected, loved and appreciated. — The Secret of The Tarot, №.9

My flare-up is asking me to let go. It is time to walk away from what no longer serves — including those who do not respect, love, or appreciate who I am becoming.

This is how to restore my joy and peace within. No need to time travel — change and interfere with life unfolding.

There is peace in new beginnings.

As a new soul chapter begins, I remain open to receiving happiness from new experiences and the unexpected.

Thank You, Ellie Jacobson ✍🏻, for the Time Travel writing prompt.

© 12.10. 2021, pockett dessert. All Rights Reserved.🧿