MENTAL HEALTH | WELL-BEING | SELF

Time For Self-Care: Silence, Sleep, and Totally Required Me-Only Attention

This is what it looks like to have little else to think about than myself…just for a few days

I’m away from home at the moment.

Taking some time for me.

When was the last time I can say I did that? I can’t even remember…

It’s definitely needed, I tell you. And it’s been a very long time coming.

So where am I? I’m only a couple of hours’ drive from home in the neighbouring county of Somerset. I am house sitting in a tiny cottage, in a pretty little town, and taking care of the resident dog, Rhu (short for Rhubarb), a Romanian rescue with a lovely personality.

I got this position through a house sitting website with the intention of getting myself away from home for a short break alone. It seemed a perfect match since Rhu’s owner, Anna, specifically wanted a solo woman, because Rhu can be nervous of men.

A dog, you may be thinking? But that’s not much different to your life at home, with dogs there to care for and walk.

But it is so, so very different. One dog is vastly easier than are two dogs, one cat, three teens/young adults and a child. And a house large enough to fit us in.

At home, especially now, given it’s school holidays, there’s always people around and there’s always a list of things that need doing. Because I am the main homemaker and carer, and everything falls to me. Only because I am away it now has to fall to everyone else.

Here, I don’t need to think about restocking animal food because Anna has made sure there’s enough for Rhu’s needs while I am here. I do need to think about food for feeding myself but that is vastly easier than thinking about restocking for a household of five humans, most of whom have larger appetites than myself.

There’s only myself and Rhu to clean up after. The cottage is a much, much smaller space than my house; I will probably whizz around with the vacuum cleaner before I leave on Tuesday, but otherwise, there’s nothing other than the few dishes I will use.

The responsibilities are refreshingly minimal while I am here, leaving me plenty of time just for…well, me.

I had specifically wanted to be somewhere not too far from home, and for just a few days, to catch up on sleep and with myself. A few days to just write and read and walk and swim. And put my feet up and sleep a lot.

So far, so good.

But Why Has it Taken This Long to Find Time For it?

Why aren’t we, as a society, prioritising self-care as a regular requirement for everyone? Especially those who spend a lot of their time in care roles?

It’s not as if there aren’t plenty of studies and scholarly articles that have been published on the topic, and the vast benefits that come from spending time on self-care. For example, quoting the National Institutes of Health;

“When it comes to your mental health, self-care can help you manage stress, lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. Even small acts of self-care in your daily life can have a big impact.”

From the Southern New Hampshire University website:

“Engaging in a self-care routine has been clinically proven to reduce or eliminate anxiety and depression, reduce stress, improve concentration, minimize frustration and anger, increase happiness, improve energy, and more. From a physical health perspective, self-care has been clinically proven to reduce heart disease, stroke and cancer. Spiritually, it may help keep us in tune with our higher power as well as realize our meaning in life.”

If, intellectually, we know how important it is, why is it still so hard for most people who really need it to get that time for self-care?

Personally, it took me paying a subscription to a website that would help me to find an opportunity to stay in someone else’s house at a time that I could take a few days away…and honestly, there wasn’t much available within my given parameters. I was invited to do more but I have pets of my own and children I have a responsibility to, and this was the only one that matched up and responded to my application.

I know that when I go back, I will be thrown back into summer holiday mode in which my headspace will vastly decrease and my list of daily required tasks will vastly increase.

Ugh, I’m ignoring my need for self-care by even thinking about it, so forgive me while I return to relaxation mode…

🧘🧘🧘

But back to querying why it is both so hard to find that space for self-care, when we know so much about the physical and mental impact of self-care, why are there simply no easy ways for parents, carers or those in human-serving roles to find that space to nurture ourselves and our needs? Or even to learn how to implement self-care into our daily lives?

Why are government bodies worrying more about propping up our health care system than working on the aspects of our lives that would ease the pressure on the system? There must be so many people who would benefit from support in this area being made as universally available as any other basic service. And it would have a powerful domino effect on the whole of society.

Never Having Time For Me

Self-care isn’t selfish. On the contrary, taking care of yourself means you are able to muster more energy for others, and for the external activity you are involved in, whatever that may be. It’s all necessary to live a wholesome life.

I’ve always considered it vital for human growth and development to need to spend some of your time every day putting someone else first, and I stand by that. But that needs to come hand-in-hand with enough time to choose you too.

It’s also okay to take periods of time with no one else to think about.

During this house sit, I haven’t entirely relieved myself of responsibility, but I think that suits me better anyway. Rhu turned out to be a great excuse to force me out of bed this morning. After all, nine hours of sleep was plenty. And getting out in the early morning, though a struggle, is also a form of self-care for me, because it’s my favourite time of day.

I made a coffee, had a shower, and was walking in the Somerset countryside by 8 am. It felt good.

And then I had time just for me. So I wrote for two hours.

I fancied another wander with Rhu. I had no idea where we were going and we even got lost. But it didn’t matter — I had nowhere I had to be.

Then my daughter called me and we spoke for an hour. It didn’t matter — I had the time.

I’ve spent the afternoon reading and writing and am now thinking to head over to the neighbouring town to walk by the river and find some ice cream. Because I can.

What freedom is this I have been missing for so long?

I also happen to have found one wild swimming spot and one beautiful-looking outdoor pool, both within five miles of the cottage. If you have read much of my work, you may well know already that outdoor and wild swimming is one of my favourite forms of self-care.

Self-care can come in many different forms. It’s not as if I don’t have daily exercise, or nature to spend time in. But when the rest of life is out of balance with the small doses of self-care you manage to fit into your life, then it’s simply not enough.

That’s why I’ve needed this time away. It’s why it has been a long time coming.

And if you recognise that you too are failing to prioritise your own self-care needs, I encourage you to find a way — however you can — to get the mental and physical space you need to nurture number one — you.