WHAT TIME IS IT, ANYWAY?

TikTok Timeline Shifting Appears to Be ‘Interdimensional Coaccessibility’

Hot new trend involves cold showers and intentional breathwork

Social media has influenced everything from personal self-esteem to national presidential elections. It now appears that a brave cadre of social media influencers on TikTok are in the process of revolutionizing our understanding of time itself.

These pioneering “Tokfluencers,” as a recent New York Post article referred to the multidimensional explorers, claim they have the ability to alter their personal timelines through a series of simple but intense body-mind-multiverse hacks while showering. Their temperature-based, in-shower breathwork allows them to step into different timelines and reshape their past, which in turn recasts their present and opens new possibilities for the future. And vice versa. Or versa vice.

Through the highly developed discipline of changing their shower water temperatures from hot to cold, and by engaging in breathing techniques while showering, these Tokfluencing adepts are challenging the limits of our understanding of time itself.

The Post reports “their claims are rooted in the oft-disputed multiverse theory, which postulates that space is never-ending, meaning that there are infinite probabilities and therefore alternate dimensions.”

While the multiverse may be disputed in some circles, it is clearly a reality in the lives of these intrepid timeline shifters for whom changing reality is as easy as changing lanes while driving when there isn’t that much traffic or changing TV channels after replacing the remote control batteries.

Wilt Waltmus — a precursor to Tokfluencers?

Now that Tokfluencers are consciously showing the masses how to shift their timelines, academia is beginning to recognize patterns that (at least in the timeline where this article exists) have always been there but are only now becoming openly apparent.

The case of 19th-century American poet Wilt Waltmus is gaining great interest, both in the TikTok sphere and among top-level academic scholars.

A famous Waltmus quatrain from Oh Time, What Clock Hath Thee? is now being carefully studied in a new light.

I stepped through time as through the rain, where the road ahead leaves clues and traces; showers falling in April can take you places that yesterday’s tomorrows can never explain.

“All the evidence now points to Waltmus being a timeline shifter,” said Nellie Bea Cooley, a former TIME Magazine editor and the author of This Time It’s Going to Be Different: My Five Favorite Alternate Timelines.

“Waltmus may well have been in multiple timelines at the same time,” Cooley continued.

Cooley also believes that some fragment of a prior or future Waltmus timeline is intertwined with the timeline shifting movement today. “It’s no coincidence that one of the primary time-bending Tokfluencers goes by the hashtag name of WiltonWaltman.”

Scholars, researchers, and educators at Newton-Asimov University in Schenectady, New Europa, are intrigued by the claims of these “timeliners,” as Dr. Eve Appling calls them. But Appling isn’t sure the timeliners are seeing the entire picture.

Skipping around without purpose

Appling, a NewAsi (pronounced noo-AH-zee) theoretical physics professor who specializes in applying the metaphysical ramifications of quantum mechanics to creation myths of antediluvian indigenous cultures in the Southern Hemisphere, believes the timeliners are more akin to “timeskippers” than actual shifters.

“The ancient Snikkers People of South Atlantis believed in a similar concept now known as interdimensional coaccessability,” Appling said, “although my research indicates they conveyed that concept through snickers and grins rather than words.”

Turning her attention to the Tokfluencers, she thinks they are onto something but not quite there just yet.

“Their stories have the ring of truth,” Appling said, nodding thoughtfully. “But it’s more like the truth of skipping or galloping than an omnipresent truth afforded by a slow, observant walk. What this tells me is that while they may indeed be experiencing timeline adjustments, the timeskippers haven’t yet fully shifted to seeking a purposeful destination so much as they have merely skipped around.”

Mason-Marcus and the great reordering of time

It’s a sentiment shared by the resident philosopher emeritus at NewAsi, the esteemed Michael Moon Mason-Marcus.

“It is my studied consideration,” Mason-Marcus began, sounding for all the world like the Sebastian Cabot character Mr. French in Family Affair, “their timeline reconceptualization is real, insofar as anything transient can be said to be real. Furthermore, I will stake my reputation on the assertion that humankind is due for a reordering of how we quantify the phenomenon commonly referred to as time. However . . .”

Mason-Marcus paused for dramatic effect while making facial expressions carefully calculated to convey how much thought he was giving to the topic. “Whether or not they are actually shifting time or merely skipping around in time remains to be seen. In some ways, I suppose, it is the great question of our time.”

Sammy Jo Thyme, a 22-year-old Tokfluencer known for their enthusiastic experiments with how certain green-leafed herbs can affect appetite, said they have changed their timeline several times.

“The Spice Girls used to have a member named Thyme Spice,” Thyme recalled.

“But in that timeline, I was born in 1984, and I actually saw Thyme Spice perform in Baltimore when I was 9. But this one time, after I shifted my timeline before I was really ready by switching from hot to cold water too fast, times had, like, totally changed. Big time. I had basically missed the second half of the ’80s and all of the ’90s, plus, in the oh-ohs (’00s) I was younger in that timeline than I had been in the ’90s. I mean, I’m only 18 now in this timeline. It’s like, so weird! Timeout, lol!”

As more stories of timeline shifting make their way into the mainstream, we’ll no doubt learn more about this emergent interdimensional weirdness that has some of the world’s greatest scholars intrigued and an increasing number of Tokfluencing timeline shifters bursting through portals heretofore deemed little more than dreamstuff.

Amid this epic shift in our understanding of time, make time to do your own cutting-edge experiments, such as watching reruns of shows like Shazam and Land of the Giants. Productions like these were ahead of their time and enable the imagination to really grok what is possible. They can serve as instruction manuals, of sorts, to help you determine what thoughts to pursue while showering so you can make a well-informed timeline shift.

With the right mindset and enough ritualistic breathwork under the showerhead, you will be making the most of your own time— morning, noon, and night. Just make sure your watch is waterproof!

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