Summary

The article provides personal insights and practical advice on navigating the complexities of threesomes based on the author's experiences.

Abstract

The author shares their personal experiences with threesomes, emphasizing that they are not merely fantasies but complex interactions that require genuine attraction and comfort among participants. The article advises against mimicking pornographic depictions of threesomes, instead suggesting a focus on mutual pleasure and inclusivity. It highlights the importance of communication, consent, and creating a safe environment where everyone feels comfortable expressing their desires and boundaries. The author also classifies threesomes into three types based on the dynamics and outcomes of the experiences, and stresses the importance of instinct and relaxation over specific positions or techniques.

Opinions

Threesomes should stem from genuine desire and attraction rather than being treated as a fantasy to be fulfilled.
Pornographic portrayals of threesomes are unrealistic and can lead to feelings of exclusion and competition.
Focusing on pleasing others during a threesome can enhance the experience for everyone involved and reduce personal insecurities.
Continuous consent and comfort are crucial, and asking participants if they are feeling good can create a safer and more enjoyable experience.
Physical inclusion, such as maintaining contact with all participants, is important for making everyone feel involved.
Penetration should not be the focal point of a threesome, especially if it's the first time with the participants, as it can be exclusionary and complex to coordinate.
Ensuring that all participants reach orgasm can mitigate any potential resentment and confirm that everyone has received attention.
The author categorizes threesomes into those that create a deep connection, those that are enjoyable but lack a deeper bond, and those that are unsatisfactory and best left.
The success of a threesome is less about specific sexual acts and more about the emotional states of the participants, such as being relaxed and turned on.
Aftercare and consideration for the well-being of sexual partners are important aspects of a threesome encounter.

Threesome. The guide

Some actual tips on how to approach them

I have had my fair share of threesomes. I’m only 25 so probably there are more to come. Some have been great, some I regret, some I left in the midst of it. Each and everyone has been as particular as a hookup with a tinder date or as special as your first time with your highschool sweetheart. Here’s my take on what I’ve learned on threesomes.

A threesome is not a fantasy

First of all, if having a threesome is your fantasy and that’s the reason you want to have one, you will screw up. Why? Because it’s not about fulfilling a fantasy it’s about finding yourself in a situation where you want to have sex with two, or more, of the people you are with.

Don’t try to get ideas from porn

As I’ve conducted threesomes I’ve realized that thank god, no one has ever attempted to have sex in a porn-looking manner. You would feel incredibly excluded! There lacks to be a concept of three people enjoying each other. Normally men and women are separated into groups and the minority gets the attention. That’s odd, it means you would sort of “compete” with the other person you share a gender with. But it’s sex, you compete everywhere else, you shouldn’t be told to compete also in sex.

Focus and pleasure

Forget about your pleasure and put all of you into pleasing others -maybe it’s bad advice if you are too giving and have issues with receiving, but, as a rule of thumb it tends to work. When you focus on others’ enjoyment, one, you will learn to enjoy alien enjoyment, and, two, your sense of insecurity tends to fade because it stops being about you.

This goes hand in hand with trying to make others feel comfortable, put your energy into generating an atmosphere where everyone is safe and the sex will blow your mind. I even ask “are you feeling good?” or “ are you okay”. It might sound far-fetching, and granted, everyone is surprised when you ask them, but it tends to be received almost as a compliment. Often the question is asked back and it generates a safe space where you can say what you aren’t okay with what’s going on. It’s an amazing tool.

Including

As far as physical inclusion goes I would say you try to always be touching everyone. If you are giving a blowjob to someone, reach the other’s hand, or massage their thigh. It’s a very simple way to make everyone feel welcomed and it’s quite funny since it generates a sensation of being hugged by an octopus when it’s done to you.

On penetration

Ditch penetration. I know, it’s the epidemy of the sex act and it’s a must, yeah, well it’s incredibly excluding. Even though porn tells you there are three people positions, I think it’s way too advanced to coordinate if it’s your first time having a threesome with these two people. For further times, maybe talk about it and feel what everyone has to say about it. Until then, keep it at bay.

The only circumstance penetration might make sense is if one of the participants has come and needs a break. But even then, ask if they are comfortable with it. And don’t ask to be polite, mean it! And be willing to not do it if they would rather you don’t.

Make sure everyone comes. I know it might seem dumb, but I’ve found that reaching orgasm makes people less resentful if there was something that bothered them during the sex. Also, it ensures everyone has received attention. The only circumstance that I find it okay not to come is if the person tells you so explicitly, otherwise, you better work it.

The three threesomes types classified

I’ve had threesomes where we were in a bubble that had no time nor space, where the camping tent felt like a huge field and we were astonished we didn’t break it after we finished and saw it’s real size. Those were amazing and only got better when we meet again. A new relationship was born, I loved them both, but us, together, we felt invincible.

I’ve had threesomes that were good sex but felt off some times. The sex had to be really good for me to repeat them again. I normally didn’t. But the memory is fun to remember when you’re solo.

And I’ve had threesomes I left in the midst of it. Why? Cause they sucked. Sometimes the chemistry was off. Most of the time it was because it was some guy’s fantasy to fuck two women and he was unable to understand that it wasn’t about him, that it wasn’t good enough if he paid attention to one and then the other, that it was a hole, the three of us were a thing, no one was any more protagonist than any other. Often I managed to come and then leave, this, as mentioned, facilitated to get rid of the resentment.

Aftermath

This hasn’t been a post about positions or specific advice. Yeah, I don’t think sex is about that. There’s a huge part that is instinctive, so listen and follow it. The rest is about how are you feeling. You won’t come if you are nervous, but if your mind is extremely turned on and relaxed coming might be as easy as lighting a cigarette. Also, I assume you know how to have sex with another person, it’s not that different when you add a third party. Take away the pressure you are inventing and focus on feeling and listening to what’s going on around you.

Overall, take care of who you are having sex with, go with your gut when it isn’t feeling great, and get nasty! ;)