Three Ways Your Positive Thoughts Can Lead to Limiting Beliefs

Jarring. That is the best way I can describe it.

“That’s a limiting belief!”

Honestly, I forgot the exact words I had said to provoke such a reaction. I do recall it was something innocent like, “I’m having trouble finding a job,” or “I’ve struggled to find work” (which was, objectively, the truth).

In response, a woman I had just met called me out. Another, a man who had joined us, agreed with her. I clammed up, and after a few pleasantries, left the conversation.

All this occurred at a networking event for a self-help group I had just joined after being laid off. Though dismayed by the encounter, I ended the night determined to turn my life around. Over the following months, I would go on to attend a handful of other events within this network, in addition to working with a life coach and doing several dozen self-help exercises.

During my time in the life-coaching circuit, I found myself being super conscious of the words I spoke. In hindsight, far too much. I was censoring myself.

Convinced to adopt the mindset of positive thinking, I wavered between the guilt of my negative thoughts to the skepticism of exercising positivity when my world was falling apart. After more than a year of working with coaches, I left that phase of my life feeling more dejected, hopeless, and lost than ever before.

Fast forward to the present. A year and a half of deep soul-searching have led me to a more profound sense of self-discovery. As part of my newfound acceptance, I’ve gone back to contemplate where I could have done better, including the time immediately after my layoff.

As you may have guessed from the title of this post, I have strong feelings about the allure of positive thinking. Not all bad, mind you. I do acknowledge that negative self-talk can spiral a person down a path with no end, and pivoting from that mindset is essential to self-improvement.

Where I raise my voice on the matter has to do with how positive thinking itself can be the wrong antidote if pursued too long and without a balance of other perspectives. In other words, positive thinking can actually lead to limiting beliefs.

Here’s how:

Lack of Tough Talk

I dove into the self-help movement because I was in a bad place. And at first, leaning into the practice of positive thinking helped. It felt good to tell myself everything would be OK.

That sensation didn’t last though. As the weeks after my layoff turned into months, the reality of my situation — with all its downfalls — was never far from my radar. My coach urged me to put any negative thought out of my head. I tried. Sometimes I succeeded. Sometimes.

In hindsight, I was only putting off the inevitable: having a straight-up, tough talk with myself, an honest conversation about where I was in life, how I got there, and where I needed to go.

Advocates for positive thinking will note that they’d never discourage anybody from the truth. And yet, how can the constant barrage of positivity open the gate to a realistic dialogue with oneself, unless one also accepts every thought — be it positive or negative, good or bad — that comes with honesty?

A Mindset of Complacency

I get it. You want to hang onto what makes you feel good now.

This is where positive thinking can limit you.

I’ve seen many well-intentioned friends and colleagues set off to make big changes in their life. They made adjustments to their behaviors, achieved one or two goals, and then stopped. Yes, they changed — a little. But they fell far short of the success they were capable of earning, in part because they became comfortable with their newfound position in life, even if it was only a small step from where they had started.

Changing, especially the thought of a difficult transition, can be scary. And with the fear, anxiety, and doubt of change come thoughts which are not positive. I faced this dilemma myself, when I knew I wanted more from life and yet struggled to put myself in a place where I could achieve just that, for I realized I would have to face the obstacles and demons of life to succeed. Ultimately, I worked through the fear. I had to acknowledge it. Accept it. Yes, I stayed positive. And yes, I had negative thoughts. The two functioned in tandem, one after the other, sometimes side-by-side. What I had to learn on my own was that positive thinking would have its companions, which was fine, so long as they didn’t stop me.

Less Fortitude

Positive thinking can propel you to consider all the good things you can achieve. Such results only come by aligning yourself with the right actions, processes, and resources.

Fortitude is key here. Attaining more in life doesn’t have to be a struggle. Some things, maybe all things, can come with ease. In those instances where they don’t though, positive thinking needs to be coupled with a balance of logic, one that prepares you for events that have consequences. For instance, failure can lead to reduced income, a broken relationship, or the end of a career. Such challenges can bring with them feelings of disappointment, loss, and anger. Positive thinking can prove to be one antidote. But so can grieving, analysis, acceptance, and faith. Fortitude comes in many ways, not all of which can be labeled as positive from one moment to the next. In developing grit, forgive yourself for the negative emotions and thoughts you may have, knowing it’s just one valley of many you will experience on your journey of self-development.

You may think I will end my post by discouraging others from positive thinking. Far from it. Now more than ever, I am a strong supporter of positive thinking when used appropriately. Positive thinking has the power to improve lives, so long as it’s well-balanced with a healthy dose of reality and a support network who can advocate for its steady, healthy utilization. When used correctly, positive thinking can achieve its original purpose: to help us better ourselves, our mindset, not only in moments of crisis but in every part of life in between.