Three Single Women
And a non-sexual dude
Kate, Shirley and Beth got together for ‘girl’s night’ every Tuesday evening to bitch about men. On this particular Tuesday Beth led off the bitching…
“HE dumped ME! Can you believe that? I’m always the one who dumps the guy once I learn how disgusting they are. But HE dumped ME! And we’d only been dating for three weeks!”
Kate laughed, “Maybe he learned how disgusting you are.”
Shirley laughed also.
After sipping her pinot grigio Beth replied, “Fuck you, Kate. I’m not the disgusting one. I happen to be a real catch. Men are just too stupid to realize it.”
Shirley asked, “So why didn’t you dump him before he dumped you?”
“Because he was really good in the bedroom!”
Kate set her wine glass down on the coffee table, “See, now that’s the problem. Men who are really good in the bedroom are usually worthless outside the bedroom and men who are wonderful outside the bedroom are usually worthless in the bedroom. If you ever find a guy who is fantastic in both places you’ve gotta grab on to him and don’t let go.”
Shirley snorted, “Men!”
Beth refilled her wine glass, “Just because you gave up on men, Shirley, doesn’t mean the rest of us have. I think what Kate described is exactly the kind of man we all want and need and are looking for.”
“Need? We don’t need them as much as they need us. And just because I haven’t been on a date in almost two months doesn’t mean that I gave up. I’m… I’m just getting pickier. Finding a man like Kate described is like finding a needle in a really huge haystack. I’m not gonna date every man I run into just hoping he might be the one.”
“Girls! Girls!” Kate picked up her wine glass from the coffee table. “It’s not a competition.”
“Well, if it was a competition you would definitely win. You’ve dated five times as many men in the last six months as Shirley and me put together.”
Shirley snorted, “Yeah, little miss on-line dater. How’s that going anyway? Have you had any second dates with any of those hundreds of hungry men?”
“Yeah… one. Okay, I admit on-line dating kind of sucks but I’m tired of living alone in this house. I want to find the perfect man now dammit.”
Shirley snorted, “Yeah, right. You know what? We all spend way too much time trying to find a man. They all suck.”
“At least we have each other,” said Beth. “Go girl’s night!”
The girls cheered.
Kate then waved her hand through the air, “Actually, our girl’s night is going to be interrupted here soon. Jake will be delivering an order I placed.”
“Jake from the woo-woo store?”
“Uh, yes Jake from the crystal shop.”
“Please tell me you didn’t buy yet another crystal,” said Beth as she looked around at all the crystals in Kate’s living room. “Don’t you have enough already?”
“No, I’ll never have enough.”
Shirley snorted, “Crystals! Are you using them to attract a man or to repel them?”
Beth laughed, “You know, about a year ago I made the move on Jake and… nothing! Absolutely nothing! Not a single pheromone squirted off of him. I immediately knew he was gay.”
Kate refilled her wine glass, “First of all, that is not what crystals are for, Shirley. And second of all I don’t think Jake is gay. I never got that impression. I’m pretty sure he was married once.”
Shirley snorted, “Ha! Most gay guys have been married to a woman… at least for a little while… until the woman finally figured it out. You just haven’t figured it out yet, Kate. Maybe that’s why you keep buying crystals because you’ve got a thing for Jake and you’re just playing it real slow.”
Beth laughed hysterically.
“Seriously, I don’t have a thing for Jake. He’s not my type and he’s a little too old for me. We’re just friends… and he’s… uh… kind of a spiritual confidante.”
Shirley snorted, “Ha! I’ve never heard of a man who is a spiritual confidante and NOT gay. I mean what game is he playing?”
Just then the doorbell rang. Kate set down her wine glass and got up to answer the door. It was Jake, “Jake, hello. Please come in.”
Jake was holding something in his hands that was wrapped in a white cloth, “Well Kate, here is your crystal.”
Taking the object from Jake, Kate pulled the white cloth away to reveal a long clear crystal that was over a foot long, “Oh my, this is actually rather heavy… and it’s so beautiful!” She held it up for the two other women to see.
Jake spoke up, “Like I said, this crystal is from South Africa. I cleaned it and haven’t touched it directly since. Still you should probably smudge it with sweet-grass then put it in a window with direct sun for a day before you put it on your altar… uh… or whatever.”
“Oh, thank you so much, Jake. This is the biggest crystal I’ve ever seen — well, except for that huge pink one in your shop. I can’t believe how clear it is. None of my other crystals are this clear. I will certainly cherish this forever. Thank you.”
Jake looked around the room, “Uh… I sense there is some sort of girl’s night going on here so I should be on my way.”
Beth spoke up, “That’s okay. You don’t have to rush off. Have a glass of wine and stay for a while. We promise we won’t hurt you.”
“Uh… well, I don’t drink and I really can’t stay for but a few minutes.”
“Okay, then I’ll just come right out and say it. Jake, are you gay?”
“Beth!” shouted Kate disapprovingly.
Jake raised his arm, “That’s okay. I’m not sure why you’re asking but, no, I am not gay. I actually find most men to be disgustingly repulsive — but that’s my problem.”
“Amen,” said Shirley.
“I should point out, though, that not only am I not gay but I’m also not heterosexual or bi-sexual or trans-sexual or any kind of sexual. I’m… I’m a… I’m a non-sexual.”
“What the hell is that?” asked Beth.
“Well, uh, while most men spend their lives looking for the perfect woman and while most women spend their lives looking for the perfect man, I search for neither. Most people have an external locus of identity. They can’t feel whole without a mate. It’s been conditioned into us since birth that we can never be complete without a mate. Living alone is considered warped. So we all feel incomplete and lacking until we find the perfect mate but no one is perfect — whether male of female — so we live our lives feeling empty and incomplete.”
“I have chosen to live without sex, without a mate, without any romantic relationship or any relationship other than friendship. Instead of looking without for completion I look within. I’ve devoted my life to loving myself and expanding my awareness and becoming self-fulfilled. There’s nothing wrong with an intimate relationship. Been there, done that. But now my life is free of all the gender blaming and shaming and free of limiting emotional circuitry. I can concentrate on self-actualization, self-realization, enlightenment, nirvana, or whatever you want to call it. I can live and love without the mental and emotional entanglements of mating and having a mate. I’ve never been happier.”
The three women stared at Jake with jaws dropped.
“Well… uh… I better get going. Bye.”
Kate saw Jake to the door and after he left she sat back down in her chair.
The three single women sat sipping their wine in silence for a very long moment.
Then Beth spoke up, “Well, that settles it. Jake is definitely gay.”
Shirley snorted, “Men!”
Cradling her giant crystal in her arms like a baby, Kate sighed, “Why are all the good men either gay or married?”
Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. This is a work of fiction. Stories by White Feather
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