Three Important Rules I’ve Learned From 76 Years Of Living
A message of hope and optimism from a grateful boomer to Generation X, Y, and Z.
Everything changes, and everything ages.
I didn’t understand that when I was twenty. I felt invincible and thought I would never get old. But as I approached fifty, passed sixty, and sailed on toward seventy, the reality started to hit me hard.
“I’m going to pass on— sooner rather than later,” I thought. “Ten years? Twenty years? Thirty years? How much time do I have?”
Now I know it’s a trap to think like that. Better to stay in the present and reconnect with the ageless person inside. Your true self. Your spirit or soul. The part of you that doesn’t age.
I’ve learned to stop speculating about the future, using chronological age as my metric. Now, I look at ageing from a spiritual perspective, and things are much brighter.
Remember:
- What does chronological age have to do with happiness? Happiness comes from within.
- Who is it that grows old anyway? Your body or your mind? I think you know the answer.
Rule 1 — Your Mind Is Forever Young
What is 76 years old supposed to feel like, anyway? You can be healthy and fit and still feel weak and frail inside. Or you can be frail, have many health problems, and still feel fresh and vigorous in your mind.
I still marvel at how I can feel like a six-year-old riding his shiny new bicycle on Christmas morning, even though my body has the aches, pains, and worries of a much older person.
It’s possible to think your way into feeling old — or feeling young. The choice is yours. Stay open-minded, optimistic, curious, and mindful, and you’ll stay young at heart.
Meditation and other mindfulness practices can help you stay young inside. Spend more time in the present moment, and you’ll notice an improvement, whatever your age.
In meditation, you connect with that clear, bright mind that’s been with you from the moment you were born. The mind we all share.
Of course, chronological Gary doesn’t feel so young. I’ve got sore knees, carry some extra weight, and I climb the stairs a bit more slowly than I used to. I’m getting older every day. But inside, I’m young.
Here Are Two Ways To Think About Aging From the Spiritual Perspective
- According to one way, you grow old and pass away. That’s it — the standard atheistic view of things—the hard-bitten view of scientism and materialism.
- And according to another, you have always been here—the spiritual point of view.
We Are All Made Of Stars — Moby
Rule 2 — Everything Changes, Don’t Fight It
Constant change is the fundamental teaching of Buddhism. It’s also the essential truth of ageing. Show me something that doesn’t change, and I’ve got a bridge to sell you.
Everything we care about — our family, friends, new car, and even our precious ego — will change, transform, and disappear.
A skilful mental tai chi move is to never fight against change. But to flow with it and use that powerful change energy like a rudder to steer it in the desired direction.
The universe is sacred. You cannot improve it. If you try to change it, you will ruin it. If you try to hold it, you will lose it. — Tao Te Ching, Chapter 29. (translation by Gia-fu Feng and Jane English)
When I was 13, I thought Elvis Presley was the greatest rock ‘n roll star ever and always would be. Now I hardly think of him, and many other favorites have replaced the king.
I first got married at 20 and thought it would last forever. Fifteen years later, it was over. And now it’s a distant memory, except for my beautiful children, who still love me and are still in my life. But they, too, have changed and grown and gone off on their own as well.
Change is the only constant in our lives — and it can be the fuel for our dreams and aspirations — if we stay in the present and flow with it.
This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play. — Alan Watts
Rule 3 — Your True Self Is Limitless
People will tell you to act your age — don’t listen to them! Whether you’re seventeen or seventy-six. Live your own life, shine your light.
Act your age — what does that even mean?
Some people my age are healthy, vigorous, and run marathons. Others are on many medications, frail, and use a walker. But whatever physical shape you’re in, Don’t act your chronological age; let your true self radiate.
But what is your true self? There is a Zen koan that asks: “Show me your original face before your parents were born.”
It’s a real puzzler. It’s not possible to answer it with logic.
What the Zen master is asking is, “show me who you are when all your mental turmoil and fear are gone.” The Zen master doesn’t want words; she wants action. “Show me!” And to show her you’ve got to let go.
And when that mental turmoil has settled to the bottom, like silt in a muddy pond, clarity happens. Your original face emerges.
Zen students clarify the waters with lots of meditation. They meditate on their koan for many hours, and then one day, maybe years later, when they least expect it, lightning strikes! The true self emerges.
But you don’t have to move to a monastery or meditate for six years like the Buddha to get a little glimpse of your true self. Sit quietly for a few minutes every day, and let your mental waters calm and clarify.
Your true self is always there, underneath the surface, waiting for you. Get in touch with it, even a little bit, and you’ll begin to feel younger inside.
Think Of Your “True Self” As A Candle Flame
A candle flame is always new and constantly changing. It can be still and calm when there is no draft. Or it can flicker about when the surrounding air is disturbed.
When we are born, the candle is tall. And as we age, the candle becomes shorter and shorter. But the flame always burns bright, right down to the end.
Another way of looking at the candle flame is to see it as light. Regardless of whether the flame is strong or weak, or whether the candle is tall or short, the light is the same.
It burns as brightly whether the candle is tall, medium, or short — whether we are at the beginning of our life, in the middle, or near the end.
One day our individual light may go out, but light continues because light is everywhere: in the sky, in the sun, in the stars, in the whole universe. — Lewis Richmond, Aging As A Spiritual Practice
That light is your true self. It’s the light that shines at your birth — the light that brings inner peace. The light that never ages, the light we all share.
Final Thoughts
Everything changes, but you’re only as old as you feel inside. Anyway, you can’t fight change—no more than you can stop a raging river. Learn to quiet your mind and get in touch with your true self. Uncover the clear, bright mind inside yourself that has always been there— the mind we all share.
May you stay forever young.
