I Developed Self-Love With The Aid of These 3 Fundamental Questions

Here’s how you can learn to love yourself because only then will you be able to love the world

Part 1 — What?

While self-love is the most important trait a person can have, many are not clear about what it exactly is. So let me begin by defining what I mean by self-love and what it is not.

Self love is the ability to love yourself no matter how grim the circumstances are, to make mistakes and not berate yourself for making them.

Self-love entails a little bit of selfishness, to say no when required, to not sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing others, to not act like a disposable napkin for them to use and throw. You shouldn’t go out of your way to help everyone. Instead, it should be reserved only for those who value it and understand its worth.

Self-love requires courage, to go and take some difficult decisions to preserve your happiness and peace of mind. A perfect example would be to end a toxic relationship even if it is difficult to do so.

But some people twist it to their own comfort. An obese guy not working out because he thinks he should love himself the way he is? No, that’s not self-love. That’s just an excuse to mask his own laziness.

Part 2 — Why?

Now that I have explained what self-love is, the next question arises, Why self-love? It seems almost silly to ask, after all, if you don’t love yourself, then who else will?

Self-love is the segue to important qualities like peace, confidence, motivation, charm, etc. Once you love yourself, you won’t allow yourself to do degrading or unjust acts, nor would you be troubled by petty emotions like jealousy. Most importantly, you will learn to love the world and value the things around you.

You will be able to shift your frame of reference from outside to inside. Instead of comparing yourself with other people and deferring to their opinions, you will think for yourself. The only comparison you’ll ever make is with the person you were the day before.

I know it seems like a magic pill, one that is the solution to all of the world’s problems. Call me a dreamer, but I firmly believe there would be world peace if everybody loved themselves.

Part 3 — How?

Finally, how do you obtain self-love?

Well, one way is by receiving unconditional love, as the one people get from their parents. Most people naturally develop it this way. Other possible sources could be pets or even a loving partner.

But what if you had a rough childhood? Don’t have pets or feel that you are destined to be forever alone? Fear not, my friend, there is still hope left for you.

Have you ever noticed that the more you work on something, the more time you spend on it, the more you value it? Well, it turns out that it works on people too. The more you invest your time in someone, the more you will love them. What if that someone is you? It’s simple -

If you invest your time in developing yourself, if you enrich your mind by reading books, your body by exercising, your personality by cultivating hobbies, and your experiences by trying out different thing and pushing your boundaries, somewhere along the way, you will fall in love with yourself :)

I would like to end by quoting this poem by Rudyard Kipling called “If”-

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And — which is more — you’ll be a Man, my son!