THE INTROVERT COLLECTION & THE BEAUTY OF YOUR 30s
Three Brutally Honest Life Hacks for Introverted 30-Somethings
No, it’s not “get out there”
Parent, homeowner, single, married, childless, renter. Whatever configuration you’re rocking, you need some life hacks as an introverted 30-something. So, here’s three ways to enjoy yourself:
When the party’s longer than 45 minutes
Leave.
You don’t even have to say anything. Just point to the door, mime that your choking, and everyone’ll know you’re half an inch from drowning in life.
Because… you’re 30-something now. And what’s there to do but be overwhelmed? Inwardly, you laugh maniacally, then hop in your car.
Or take a relaxing stroll.
No loud sounds. No sudden laughter. No random conversations. The exhaustion flows out, and the energy flows in. Just you and nature.
And then, home. Heaven with four walls.
You open your bedroom door, dim light coming from the alarm clock. 6 p.m. Your book crush is right where you left it, looking sexier than ever.
Bookmark in page 543, cover pristine and gleaming, story eager for your eyes.
You put on your favorite jammies and jump into bed, pull the covers to your waist, and flip on your soft lamp.
A bowl of popcorn magically appears next to you.
Ah… this is living.
When a human calls
Don’t pick up.
It’s been two hours, and it’s a myth no one calls anymore.
So, after staring at your phone ringing next to you, dreading having to clear your dry, unused voice, don’t pick up. Let that phone ring until it runs out of ringtones — and vibrations.
You’re 30-something now. Everyone thinks you’re too busy to pick up the phone anyway. And so, sometimes, they text. Like this person. Quite persistent. Most people don’t expect you to respond for hours.
And you like it like that.
So, just sit there, not touching the phone, cursing Apple for their “read” notification.
A text isn’t supposed to tell everyone how long it’s been since you read it — and didn’t respond. So, you avoid the text, too.
What the heck? Doesn’t Apple know you spend hours thinking, then rethinking your response?
And with that thought, your near ceaseless thinking kicks up a notch.
Kids’ recitals, lounging with your newest book crush — I mean, “working from home” — trying to schedule an hour with your one introverted friend, or primping for your solo date. You’ve got a lot to do in the next six months.
So, when you finally get back to that person who dares to call you, tell them you left your phone downstairs, in the car, on top of a hot toaster.
They’ll believe you — because you’re a busy, frazzled 30-something.
When you don’t wanna leave the house
Stay in.
It’s been an hour. They called again. It was a short conversation, thank goodness. But they-who-must-not-be-named asked you to leave your sanctuary of gentle lighting, quiet, warmth, and solitude.
Abandon your Batcave minus Alfred’s nagging.
You lie back, reflecting on the request, letting your book crush dangle from your hand. Letting its words blur.
No one’s died. No one’s house is on fire. No one’s kid stabbed theirself with a spoon.
All the pressure you had as a 20-something to fake being an extrovert is gone. You’re plan for your life is to be you.
Not shy. Not riddled with low self-esteem. Not a people-hater.
But an introvert.
A person who gets your energy from yourself.
So, you pick up your phone and text back:
Can’t. Reading.
Because you’re 30-something. And that’s all you wanna say.
