avatarPatricia Timmermans

Summary

Guide Dog Cooper humorously reflects on his life and preferences, ranging from his hoarding tendencies to his self-indulgent nature and adventurous spirit, providing insight into his personality through a series of "this or that" questions.

Abstract

Through a playful "this or that" challenge, Cooper, a guide dog, offers a unique perspective on his life. He reveals his hoarding habits, despite his items often being discovered by his human, Pat, or the cats in the household. Cooper describes himself as a virile and strong dog, with a penchant for self-indulgence when it comes to food. He considers himself calm, especially when anticipating holiday feasts, and adventurous, always ready to explore. Cooper is easygoing and confident in his majestic lineage, considering himself beautiful within. Although he can be lazy, he's quick to summon energy for bacon-flavored treats. Cooper is self-assured in his writing skills, thanks to his ghostwriter Pat, and he believes firmly in an afterlife for dogs. Reflecting on the past year, Cooper learns from a meme that he is indeed a good boy, a fact confirmed by Pat.

Opinions

  • Cooper considers himself a hoarder but is accepting of his household companions taking his stashed items.
  • He sees himself as a romantically attractive dog who is also health-conscious, although he admits to being self-indulgent with food.
  • Cooper believes he is more adventurous than relaxed, eager to follow his nose wherever it leads.
  • He prides himself on his easygoing nature and claims to be descended from the mighty timber wolf, emphasizing his inner beauty.
  • Despite admitting to occasional laziness, Cooper is willing to be energetic for the right motivator, like bacon-flavored treats.
  • Cooper is confident in his writing ability, acknowledging the assistance of his ghostwriter, Pat.
  • He is a firm believer in the existence of an afterlife, particularly one that includes dogs.
  • Reflecting on the past year, Cooper appreciates the affirmation of being a good boy, which aligns with his self-perception.

THIS OR THAT | FUN CHALLENGE | THE DOG’S POV | GUIDE DOG LIFE

Thoughtful Thoughts, by Guide Dog Cooper

For a laid-back kind of dog, Cooper has opinions and will gladly share them when asked, he’s polite that way… so, the following is ‘as told by the dog’

The author’s image

Cooper: having the mic is a nice change from my usual routine, grocery shopping with Pat, getting her to places on time, and choosing the ‘IN’ door correctly — most times.

If you know me, you know I digress once in a while, but for now, I’ll get right to it…

The questions:

Are you more of a hoarder or a minimalist?

Cooper: I’m a hoarder, but they always find the things I’ve stashed — either Pat or the cats I mean.

My milk bone, for example, I’ll tuck it safely behind the bookshelf, and no less than a day later, I’ll find it under Buddy the cat.

He lays on toys and food items he’s claimed, but he gets a pass due to fending for himself in the wild as a kitten. You should see the humans when I stash underwear in the couch.

Are you more romantic or sex-crazed?

Ahem, I’m a lean, muscular 90 lbs. of virility and solid brute strength. Bitches go wild… I checked and Pat says it’s fine to say bitches in this context.

Are you more health-conscious or self-indulgent?

Self-indulgent without a doubt.

I will eat anything Pat puts in my dish, then I wait till no one’s in the room and eat what’s in the cats’ food dispenser, not the human kind, I mean the kind that makes you work for it. But that’s fine by me, if there’s food, I’m on it.

Were you more calm or more anxious yesterday?

Yesterday I was calm, resting up for the holidays.

There are usually get-togethers, which means snack food will be left unattended on coffee tables — just the height of my nose.

Did I ever tell you about the chip dip incident of 2019? I get a dill pickle hangover just thinking about it.

Are you more relaxed or adventurous?

I’m adventurous and will go pretty much wherever my human or my nose takes me.

Don’t get me wrong, most dogs can relax at any time — ok except my dog pal Solo. I pride myself in my fine state of fitness but he wears me out in 10 minutes flat.

Image by author with Dall-E AI Image creator

Are you more argumentative or easygoing?

Easygoing is an understatement. I’m casual to a fault if that’s a fault, which it really is not.

Are you more physically attractive or beautiful within?

Need you even ask? I’m descended from the fearful yet majestic king of the wild kingdom, the mighty timber wolf. I’m definitely beautiful within.

Are you more of a lazy person (dog) or an energized bunny?

Good question, I can be a lazy dog.

But about being energized — if there are bacon-flavored treats involved, I can summon the required amount of energy. But if I must pick one — I’ll go with lazy, I mean, I’m already seven, which is basically middle-aged.

Are you more self-confident in your writing skills or insecure?

I’m as self-confident as they come.

My ghost-writer Pat, will confirm this is true. If only I could learn to type, I’d set up my own Medium account and cut out the middle woman.

Are you more of a believer in an afterlife, or this is all there is?

There’s Heaven, all dogs, and most dog lovers, will get in, but it depends on who’s manning the pearly gates.

St. Peter loves dogs so if you meet your demise, kick the bucket, bite the big one, dance with the dev… sorry, I digress. Yes, to the afterlife. If you didn’t know before, you do now — all dogs go to Heaven.

Bonus question:

Did I learn something about myself that will help move me into the new year, or did I already know myself well?

Yes, I did learn something that will help me next year.

My housemates, the cats, brag about descending from the aristocracy, the elegant courts of ancient royalty.

But I, myself, have learned from a reliable source — a meme on social media, that I’m a good boy. Pat confirms it — she’s always known that I’m a very good boy.

Love, Cooper

Image by author

Thanks, Karen Schwartz for these fun questions! Here is the story with the original This-or-That list:

Fun
Challenge
Dogs
Writing Prompts
Guide Dogs
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