Travel & Happiness

Though I Will Be Alone for Christmas, I Won’t Be Feeling Lonely

Enjoying the holiday season here in Boston with a cutie cat named Po

I could say it all happened on a whim, and that it included a wing and quite lengthy prayer, but that would only partly be true.

I could also blame it all on my fellow editor, Globetrotter, and friend Jillian Amatt - Artistic Voyages, but that would be completely unfair. Sure, her illustrious stories about house sitting in places like Central America and Bulgaria were enticing enough, and if those seeds hadn’t been planted in my mind I don’t think I would be here… however, these are all mere symptoms of a much bigger problem.

A few months ago, I decided I just might need to escape my existing life as I knew it. Break out. Break free.

Why? It could be difficult to explain. Or maybe not. Let’s just say I’ve never been a person that responded well to feeling controlled or being caged in. As human beings, we all need to feel free to be who we are and do what we want to do in life without someone telling us we shouldn’t be doing this or make us feel guilty for doing that.

I mean, it’s not like I do drugs or other crazy stuff. I’m not a cheater or a partier. Basically, all I want to do is work on my writing and editing endeavors, and have a comfortable space to do so. I still want to travel and engage in other things I’m interested in as well.

Of course, marriage always takes balance. But it seems that balance was never good enough. Ever. I lived with constant guilt that I wasn’t good enough or doing enough. After a while, this can lead to a real breaking point. Honestly, I was being smothered to the point of feeling like I was living under a giant electric blanket. A bit like some kind of weird prison.

Does that sound a bit extreme? I wasn’t being beaten or abused exactly, but I just didn’t feel free to be me.

So, what did I do? I set up accounts on Housecarers and TrustedHousesitters, and for a few months I cruised through the listings and dreamt about places to go — places of refuge, if you will. An armchair traveler I was for sure, for a time.

Should I do it? Should I take that leap of faith? I was highly encouraged by reading so many of the inspiring stories from other Globetrotters about taking a leap of faith and traveling solo. There’s so much freedom and personal satisfaction in doing so.

I applied to a few house sits but nothing worked out for various reasons.

And then I saw a listing in Boston for a sort-of last minute house sit during the Christmas season for about a month. A studio apartment in the middle of the Boston University district taking care of a cutie cat named Po.

He looked so sweet and loveable!

And Boston sounded interesting… hadn’t ever spent time in Boston. I knew it would be chilly, especially coming from the tropical Caribbean, but I was prepared for it.

And guess what? I heard back quite quickly.

Yes! Thank you so much. I was a great fit. Whaaa…!?! Excitement!

And then mass nervousness!

Holy sh*t! This is for realsies! I accepted but then I had reservations. Could I really do it? Just pick up and go to a city, alone, where I knew no one and no one knew me?

Plus, hubby was pissed… and I mean pissed. The guilt I felt from leaving ate away at my heart like an eroded car battery… until I almost felt physically ill… almost, but not quite.

Once I accepted, I couldn’t go back in and change my mind though. I’m house sitting for a college student who wanted to go home to Seoul, South Korea for the holidays to visit her family. I couldn’t let her down. Christmas has never been that big of a deal for me. I wasn’t raised to celebrate it, although I did sorta celebrate it after I became an adult. But, it’s not ingrained in who I am, like it is for some people.

Still, I do feel those traditional Christmas feelings somewhere deep down in my bones, and one thing you’re not supposed to do for Christmas is spend it alone.

Not that I will be totally alone of course. I have Po to keep me company and all my friends and family throughout the world. So happy that we live in a society that is connected online. I will never be one of those people who totally disses technology — I love it.

And I love Facebook. This is the primary way I keep track of people. People who hate Facebook and delete their profiles… well, I guess I just don’t fully understand it. But to each their own. It works great for me and I’m glad it’s there.

So I’m able to connect with many friends and family members and it’s working to help keep me sane and from feeling too much alone. Various cousins, my two brothers and their wives, and a lot of other people make me feel like I’m not alone at all.

What a fantastic world we do live in!

Yesterday I visited the campus of Harvard University, which is just across the Charles River into Cambridge and I started to get my feet wet with public transportation here in Boston, which seems a whole lot more confusing than some other places I’ve been — NYC was pretty easy to figure out and Orlando was even easier… because there isn’t much to figure out really… but it was fun to see the Harvard campus in person just once.

I watched a video online that said you could assert you went to Harvard (or MIT or anywhere else) if you went to the gift shop and bought a t-shirt that said Harvard. Ha ha. I thought that was hilarious but then I had no interest in wearing such an advertisement and Harvard certainly doesn’t need my endorsement.

I saw a Christmas craft fair advertised in Harvard Square, which I thought would be cool to peruse. Honestly, it was ok, the handmade crafts were fun to look at, which included many beautiful and colorful creations for sure, but unless you are some Harvard professor or whatever, and looking for more lovely sh*t to fill up your house with, there wasn’t much of interest or relevance to a digital nomad like myself.

Still, it made for lovely photos, if nothing else:

And I got to snap of photo of John Harvard, namesake for the university. Hadn’t ever given this man much thought before.

The sculpture certainly didn’t cast him in too pleasing of a light. He looks real miserable sitting there looking out over the Harvard campus, don’t you think? He was born into Puritanism, lived a pious life dedicated to Christianity, and died wealthy but young at the age of only 30. Perhaps he didn’t have much to be happy about… or perhaps his statue was merely a victim of the time in which it was created at the height of the Victorian Era in 1884.

The highlight of my outing to Harvard was getting to sit and eat a delicious slice of pie — supreme, of course — which made me feel like being back in my beloved NYC. Good food is always a great cure for pretty much anything — especially cheesy pepperoni, onion, and mushroom heaven.

Boston is kinda cool so far, but it’s still no NYC, but where in the world is? Nowhere! NYC is its own thing and so is Boston. Whadda ya want? Neither one can be the other, and one just has to accept where they are at the moment and adapt. A great learning experience and lesson in growth, for sure.

The real question is: am I feeling better? Am I feeling free? No longer being controlled to the point of needing to escape?

Sure, and it feels great… but then, there is a sense of comfort in being controlled. Sounds funny. But I did not have to worry about such things like where I was going to live and how I was going to get by as far as basic necessities. Not having to worry about such things can’t be taken for granted.

So yes, I’m feeling free, but at what cost.

Isn’t this what life is all about — a balance of pluses and minuses — positive and negative. One thing is for sure, I feel like I’m 100 percent in charge of my destiny for the first time in a long time and that feels great!