Those Pesky Christmas Days
How to survive the December blues and thrive this Christmas
While we love Christmas, there’s no doubt that it brings with it memories. Happy ones, sentimental ones, but also sad ones. Ones we’d rather not relive.
As we discussed in one of our previous articles (Do Images of the Past Influence Our Perception of the Present), emotions tend to overflow us when remembering special occasions or days that were supposed to be happy, and enjoyable.
Christmas is one of those holidays where harsh reality can conflict with its ‘goal’, peace for all, rejoicing in being together as families. As you notice, we’re not talking about religion here, but about the feeling Christmas evokes in all of us.
As with moments captured in photos, the holiday season is one where you are supposed to be happy, content with your life, surrounded by a loving family, and celebrating. We all know how wrong that can go… I remember my late mother getting so emotional on Christmas Eve that the tension was palpable, often exploding in arguments.
The next day, we would come back, dressed up to the nines, to celebrate Christmas and pretend everything was fine. I don’t know about you, but switching emotions on and off is a trick I have yet to master (now there’s a topic for another article!).
One word springs to mind that describes that annual exercise: exhausting.
Is that how we should celebrate goodwill to all and peace on earth? Is that how we see our relations with family and friends? Is that how we approach get-togethers?
Methinks not! No wonder some of us struggle to put on a cheerful face or have to pretend to enjoy ourselves. No wonder some of us would rather hide away, blanket over our heads. Envying animals who go into hibernation. I wish we could too…
Why don’t you?
Do conventions stop you, or perhaps a sense of letting others down, if you don’t follow tradition and the routine of days that are supposed to be festive? But what about you? What is it you need? Can you just be you and by yourself if that would be your preference?
There is no right or wrong answer, just some observations. On the one hand, there’s not wanting to disappoint family. It’s only two days so why be so difficult? Is it so bad to ‘sacrifice’ two days for others, to build and invest in that family relationship? Can’t we just (literally) stuff it/ourselves and breathe out after two days? Done it. Free for a year!
But what if we feel suffocated? If Aunt Peggy is yet again, wine in hand, proclaiming you should finally have kids and what are you waiting for? And Uncle Albert, oh so funny, saying that he can ‘help out’ if you cannot manage yourself. Your mother, sighing, fussing that you don’t eat enough, drink too much. Is it so much to ask to be nice or play along for one afternoon?
I can see you shuddering! And we are too. Sometimes, all we need is the quietness and comfort of our own company. Recharging the battery, putting the day-to-day worries aside for two days, pretending the world outside is standing still and we’re slowing down with it.
How relaxing it is to eat what you want, catch up on your reading, watch Die Hard (actually, a Christmas film!) and enjoy. Be in the moment. True time for yourself to heal and restore and be ready for the next year to come.
It reminds me of the mixed feelings I had after reading Heinrich Hesse’s critically acclaimed Demian many years ago. A “bildungsroman”, coming of age of a young man, searching for meaning and his true self. Whilst the book captivated me, it also left me with so many questions and ponderings.
In his quest to find himself, I felt Demian became more self-centered, only focused on his personal growth and fulfillment. He ignored letters from his parents. His journey towards insight was all-consuming. All that mattered.
I struggled with that. I think it is extremely important to allow yourself time and space to not only discover but accept who you are — without self-love can there be true love for others? — and rejoice in that. But I also think that this journey should not be a self-centered one, ignoring those around us.
We are our character, the traits and quirkiness inside of us, plus how we responded to and interacted with everything and everyone around us.
We are the total sum, not just individuals living separate lives. Empathy and compassion are what make our hearts tick. We feel selfish for putting ourselves first, arguing that it’s only two days, so why bother?
But if you feel anxiety and stress, if you simply cannot face all that goes with Christmas, why would you? You know best what you and your body need. It doesn’t mean you should ignore family, but saying “I have to” and “want to” use these days differently should not be looked upon as an affront.
Preferring to be alone, doing things you enjoy, is an option that should be available and should be accepted by others. If you want to treat Christmas like any normal day, just do so. You should not be obliged to celebrate Christmas.
For those who experience loneliness, Christmas, and the weeks leading up to it, can be tough. The adverts with happy families, the sense of togetherness. You might feel you’re on the periphery, the wallflower, always waiting to be let in but never acknowledged. Sitting on the outside, looking in.
You are not alone. Repeat: You are not alone.
Many others are struggling with mental health, with their lives not going as they want it, with feeling excluded. For instance, Side by Side (Mind’s online community) is an “online peer support community” where you can:
Talk about your mental health
Connect with others who understand what you are going through
We all know what it’s like to struggle sometimes. Side by Side provides a safe place to listen, share and be heard.
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/side-by-side-our-online-community/
And what about volunteering? Feeding the homeless, visiting people in elderly homes, offering help to charities, or donating? So many ways to step off the sideline and engage. Maybe it isn’t how you envisaged Christmas, but it will make you involved and I am sure you will benefit from it — as will many others.
You have options
Even doing something as simple as making a phone call, connecting to people who feel isolated, who share that feeling of loneliness.
Age UK has a “Telephone Friendship Service” where they call older people weekly. According to their figures, they “supported 28,345 telephone friendship calls to older people”.
Sometimes, it feels like life is happening around you, and that enhances any feeling of loneliness, but with a few steps, you can change it. Try to let go of things you cannot control and focus on aspects of your life you can influence.
Trying to let go sounds easy, but see it as a journey rather than a simple on-off switch. Setting out on a path to accept what can’t be changed and to change what can be and who you are or aspire to be.
We cannot control situations, but we can decide how to respond to them. We can decide how it influences us and whether we want to change our behaviour or perspective. It starts with truly seeing yourself, all of you, the good and the room-for-improvement, and accepting, embracing the person we are.
Feel confident with who you are and confident that you make the decisions that are right for you. In that spirit of confidence, you can tell others why you’re spending Christmas the way you do. You don’t ignore the people who love you, you just share that your Christmas differs from theirs. Not better, not worse, just different. That’s okay.
In whichever way you spend the next week, our wish for you is that you spend it according to your wishes and that you find some time for yourself to relax, to reload, to re-energize.
If you enjoyed this article, why not subscribe to our newsletter?
And while you’re here, why not check out some of the other articles?
