My Mother Was Dysfunctional

Were you loved as a child?

Those of you that had a wonderful childhood… and a mother and father who loved you and each other for your whole life… maybe you won’t understand this post at all. But those of you who grew up in a dysfunctional family, or at the very least, you had seasons of dysfunction…

this is for you.

My family was dysfunctional, with some seasons worse than other seasons.

The trouble with the seasons that didn’t seem so terrible, they ended in a place that was shocking to the very deepest part of my soul because what I thought was normal and happy, was wrought with deception and ended in great emotional pain.

As children, we tend to be accepting and adaptable to our family and other situations.

We don’t normally regard them as being dysfunctional because they are our “normal”. We are familiar with the behaviors of the people around us because this is their normal, and being familiar with their dysfunctions, we just accept them.

My mother was dysfunctional, probably because her parents were, and their parents were. She was critical of me for most of my life. After her death, I came to realize that her criticism came from a place of great love for me.

She wanted me to avoid her same mistakes and have a happy life.

Unbeknownst to her, she created a critical spirit within me. A spirit that did not accept myself as good enough, even severely flawed. I ended up making many of the same mistakes she did, maybe because I inwardly wanted to be like her so she would finally accept and love me as I was.

Or just because I was following the example she left for me.

Let me ask you a few questions, not because I need the answers, but because you do.

Were you loved as a child?

Were you accepted or criticized?

Or were there some behaviors of others that affected your soul as a child that altered the course of your life as you grew into adulthood?

And how are you treating yourself now? Is there love and acceptance, or are you constantly criticizing yourself?

Look deep within your soul… what do you see?

Are you happy with who you are and accepting of yourself?

Is there just one thing you see that you hate, a couple of things?

Is there any light at all when you look into your soul?

Or complete darkness, fueled by self-hatred?

Without a proper explanation of why my mother was critical of me while I was growing up, my soul perceived this criticism as a fact that I was flawed and unlovable as I was.

I didn’t understand that she was flawed and critical of herself and of the decisions she had made her whole life and was only trying to keep me safe from the same fate.

It’s time to let go of what others have perceived us as being and love ourselves as we are.

It’s only when we accept the truths about ourselves that we can begin to truly move beyond these misconceptions that were drilled into our souls.

We ARE accepted by God as we are right now, and He will help us to improve whatever needs to be done within us… one thing at a time.

As we can accept each thing that does need to be changed, He will grant us the grace and strength to do so.

We are much more critical of ourselves than God is, and we can trust Him to guide us gently through this process.