Product Review

This Writing Gig is a No-Shit Pain in My Ass — My Amazon Ass-Relieving Product Review in Summary

Surely, I can’t be the only one here.

One of the first things I’ve noticed about taking on this fulltime writing gig is that it’s a real pain in the ass. Literally. My butt bone is bruised. The internet says it should go away on its own in a couple of months. Jesus. Have any of you ever had a bruised tailbone? It hurts and I’m pretty sure the two months has gone and went. Should I be concerned?

I’ve also discovered it really makes people uncomfortable to talk about my coccyx. I don’t understand. What am I missing?

I am currently writing while sitting on an Amazon ass pillow. I don’t have a boss other than me, or I would request an ergonomic study. This is an occupational musculoskeletal injury. And this provisional ass pillow doesn’t seem to be helping much. Maybe I should have gotten one of the more expensive ones…?

Now that I’m the proud owner of a butt donut, I figured I would actually go back and look at the customer reviews. Maybe if I had read the reviews before I bought it, it would have helped me make that determination. It’s time for another experiment. I love experiments.

First, I have to say it’s admirable that customers actually take the time to review their purchases, in writing, especially when it’s a good review. I think maybe those people are the ones really in need of the ass pillow because they have nothing better to do than take the time to write good reviews. Who does that?

My credentials, study results, findings, observations, and conclusion are at the end.

Here’s what other fellow ass-pillow-butt-donut-purchasers are saying (verbatim):

Product: “Seat Cushion Donut Pillow and Chair Pillow for Tailbone Pain Relief, Hemorrhoids, Prostate, Pregnancy, Post Natal, Pressure Relief and Surgery, 18 x 15 x 3”

$14.01

Case Study: Overall 4.2 out of 5 star rating. 774 written reviews. Over 400 purchased in the last month.

“Pretty solid”

“A good pillow for the rear, not super comfy in chairs but throwing it on the floor to sit has been really comfortable.”

I can’t tell if this is a joke or not?

“Sitting Donut”

“These are so so comfortable. I had to sit on one for a really long time after my tailbone was removed. Very nice to have”

OMG! Really? Who has their buttbone removed?? Is that a thing?

“Much too hard”

“This pillow is much too hard. I knew it probably would be because so many reviews mentioned it, but I was desperate and this was the cheapest I could find. It works ok if your goal is to relieve pressure on your backdoor area, but I found that it hurt my tailbone and back too much to really use for extended periods of time. My cats have recently discovered it and they do seem to like it as a bed though.”

Yeah, it is pretty hard. I am pretty desperate and I’m working on a budget trying to write to make money then having to spend it all on a cheap butt pillow to relieve stress from my “backdoor area.” I’m also a pessimist (realist) who regrets my purchases before even making them. A cat lady who doesn’t have much hope for the thing with bad reviews but buys it anyway, so I have something to write about on Amazon (or my blog).

“just what i needed.”

“just needed a nice simple pillow for my wfm setup. works out nicely. love the removable cover to make for easy washing.”

What the hell is a “wfm” setup?

“Dis NOT help my bruised tail bone”

“This pillow is not soft it is very firm for a pillow to sit on. It made my bruised tail bone injury hurt ten times more. I could not sit on this at all. Could not return of course for sanitary reasons but it is a waste of money.”

Amazon obviously does not have spellcheck. And this customer apparently could’ve washed it. That’s what the other guys did. I think this is just a poor excuse for being too lazy to get off your ass to return the ass pillow. I’m not sure if my butt hurts 10 times more yet (how would one measure that?) but I definitely don’t want that to happen…let’s see some other reviews:

“El mejor cojín!”

“Me caí patinando y sufrí una contusión en el hueso sacro, necesitaba un cojín en forma de dona para poder sentarme y de todos este fue el mejor! Totalmente recomendado! Mi trasero y yo lo agradecemos demasiado.”

Si. Que?

“Serve Its Purpose”

“The donut turns up bigger than I expected. Most importantly it serve its purpose for me who just had my hemorrhoid surgery. However, the foam feels kind of stiff and will be good if have memory foam version. If comfort level improved, it will be a perfect solution.”

Should I follow up on your review after you make this determination? Is this a bookmark? A dogear? Does he have a follow-up reminder? We’re all waiting… It sounds like it just magically appeared? Bigger than expected. (If only…)

In the meantime, I will wait until it’s 10 times worse and wash its remarkably, versatile, cheap blue cotton removable cover. And my cat can sleep on it while waiting. My (nonexistent) dog can chew on it. And Amazon still needs a reviewer editor. It would be less worse without forgetful foam inside it.

“Confy”

??

“The cover makes it more attractive and versatile”

“My rating of 4 stars on the…Donut Pillow for Tailbone Pain is based on the belief that it should work as intended for most people. The cover makes it more attractive than the usual donut pillow. My particular problem is that I have a pinched nerve that signals pain down my right side and especially deep in my right buttock… …For my needs a cushion has to keep weight off the pivot point of the hip. This is tricky and perhaps neither typical nor an easy design for any type of cushion. I have tried several variations including a custom made cushion the wife made to my suggestion. Had my problem been more like those listed in the full name of this seat cushion, (Hemorrhoids, Sciatica, Prostate, Pregnancy and Post Partum) likely my experience would have been better.”

Overachiever. He wrote a damn dissertation about it. Maybe he should see if Amazon can hire him as a reviewer editor. He sounds like he may have some experience with ergonomic study or he’s a hypochondriac with Google and a list of keywords. (I wouldn’t know anything about such a thing…)

Is it actually designed to be pretty so it will stand out amongst other butt donuts? I’m not particularly interested in whether it matches my office décor. Ah, it’s a marketing strategy. I get it now. I’m getting real familiar with those. I mean, who wants an ugly ass pillow?

“Worth it. No issues”

“I’ve had this for a long time now. Decided to upgrade to some new and wanted to check and see how much I paid for this one. For the cost I paid, it was definitely worth it. I will say that everyones butts and butt issues aren’t the same. If you trying to save some $, try this and if you don’t like it return it”

I’m relieved to know that my “butt issue” is unique. Again, I am trying to save money. I thought I couldn’t return it for sanitary reasons? Do I have to wash it? Does it have an expiration date? Warranty? What’s the MSRP? Trade-in value?

“Works perfectly!’

“I recently had surgery and knew I would need some support when sitting. This works perfectly! I use it at home, at work and in the car! It goes with me everywhere I go! I love that it has the removable, washable cover! Definitely recommend!”

Everywhere? A traveling butt pillow? Did he have his buttbone removed too? Again, with the cover. Dude, there is nothing remarkable or versatile about it. It’s just a cheap, dark blue cotton cover.

“It does it’s job, not a dog toy.”

“I had this same pillow for my postpartum four years ago and I’m buying another for the same reason (I gave my other one to someone else). It’s a guilt free purchase for the price, fits exactly like an inexpensive doughnut should and does the job well. Is it a great long term solution to something like hemorrhoids or tailbone pain? Probably not, but for 6–8 weeks postpartum its a simple luxury worth buying. Love that the cover is washable because my very large puppy claimed it as hers immediately out of the box and covered it in dirt, hair and drool. I seriously do not recommend giving it to the dog. It won’t hold up. Fortunately, I was able to save mine and the cover came neatly clean. Again, not a dog toy, great for your butt though.”

Wait. Google doesn’t say this is a “long-term” issue? Maybe I really should be concerned.

She gave it away? Was it used? Ah, she must have washed it first. It’s remarkably versatile like that. Amazon wouldn’t take it back, so she gave it away. Regretted her re-gifting (she missed the cover), used as a “short-term” solution, and discovered catnip for dogs.

Exactly how is an “inexpensive doughnut” supposed to fit? Does it fit you or do you fit it? They didn’t provide a sizing chart. Should I use the smaller measurement or the larger?

“High quality and lasts!”

“Had one for over 2 years before I had to get a replacement! Only reason I had to get a replacement was I lost it!!”

How the hell do you lose a butt pillow? Maybe it got lodged in a crack somewhere. Did you lose the cover, too? It seems the cover is more valuable than the forgetful foam inside it. Way more attractive, too.

“just so so”

“It is worth for this price. But when you receive it, you will find, the cover, the inner is really not good quality. If you need a seat cushion to relief pain or get more comfort, you’d better to spend much money for a better one. But if your buget is limited, this one is ok, it is much better than sitting on the hard chair directly So it depends , difficlt to say good or bad”

Or…we could take the time to write a so-so review because that is so-so helpful.

“Horribly uncomfortable & not recommended for hemorrhoids”

“I bought this to use on my work chair to help with hemorrhoid discomfort. I have since learned from my colorectal surgery office that doughnut pillows are NOT recommended for hemorrhoid relief. That’s more of a long-term issue though, and this pillow was horrid to sit on for even short periods of time. I did not get through a full day of sitting on this pillow. Its top is all rounded off with no ergonomic contouring to support your hips or legs. The foam is very stiff and doesn’t warm up to the body, so you just constantly feel like you’re perching on top of a ridge of foam. I actually had new aches in my hips and legs and back after a few hours with this pillow. I tried to rearrange the pillow and myself several times with no success. I have kept the cushion in my office for the last few months and tried it again and again, each with the same result. …the opposite of the truth. This is info from my colorectal surgeon, backed up with studies I found…I would find one with more ergonomic support than this one.”

Um, what do people say about the definition of “insanity”? It sounds like this guy is incredibly patient and apparently likes experiments. I’m not sure if he’s expecting the pillow to change overnight or by turning it counterclockwise in a vibrating motion, sitting, standing, doing hoola-hoops with it, playing frisbee with it, washing the beautiful, remarkably versatile cheap cotton non-slip cover. He even reviews with footnotes.

While this does sound like something I would say, I wouldn’t actually write and send it. He would be the perfect volunteer in a research study. Root-cause-analysis, data mining. I didn’t see any pie charts or Venn diagrams though, so I’m still unsure. I need to see the facts.

“It works for the most part”

“Not exactly sure what’s wrong down there (doctor office is booked and can’t get in right away), but, this cushion has provided a little bit of relief”

Maybe his buttbone requires removal. I’m curious what the doctor said. I looked. There was no follow-up. “For the most part?” My ass hurts for the most part too, but I’m not questioning that. In writing. On Amazon. Another so-so review that’s so-not-so useful. Waste of my time. Next.

“Tried several and this one is great!”

“I gave this as a cancer gift. But it worked very well for someone with rectal cancer. Having so much pain sitting, this has actually become a daily staple, to ease the pain of pressure.”

I know this shouldn’t be funny…I’m sorry.

“Was for a friend”

“She was very pleased — tailbone pain.”

Wait. What? Her friend was very pleased with her tailbone pain or in the tailbone-ass donut-pillow you gave her? I think this is her friend’s way of telling her she’s a pain in the ass. Writers know better than to write this way. It wouldn’t be very appreciative of what she did.

“Just doesn’t fit my tush”

“Initially I like the pillow, even though I was skeptical … Regardless of how I position the pillow, long side versus short side, it does not cradle my backside like other pillows have, and I end up with a tail bone just about as sore as if I didn’t use a pillow. The design may work best for a thin person with long legs. I am average size and weight, and it just doesn’t fit my tush!”

Don’t blame it on the employer. It’s the non-discrimination policy. Oh, and somebody before you said it showed up larger than expected? Maybe you got a different batch? You also might get along with the other research study guy and the entrepreneur inventor with a pending patent. Paired with the excellent marketing strategy, you might just have a winner.

“Surprisingly effective”

“I wasn’t sure how this would be effective with tailbone pain bc my other cushion has the oblong hole in the back…it works with the right placement. It also is softer so I don’t sit up uncomfortably high in the car. I’m now using it at office and needing another one for the car. The other cushion I have…is an OK backup but it’s not as functional.”

A backup butt pillow? Does it go everywhere with you too?

“Works great for my bum… BUT (no pun intended)

“It appears when I went desk chair shopping, I bought a design with a cheap seat cushion. After a few months, the “cushiness” was completely gone, and suddenly I was having problems after sitting all day…why not add one of these? My tush loved it (problem gone!) but after a few days, I realized it was killing my lower back. I won’t ding the cushion for my poor choice of desk chair. I’m sure it will come in handy again one day, but for now it’s going in storage, and I’m looking at standing desk options.”

Hmmm. Standing desk. That’s a thought. Especially considering that I’m having to stand all day because my buttbone is bruised. Isn’t that just accepting defeat?

“Better than the overpriced ones.”

“Cotton Cover as opposed to slippery synthetic you won’t slide off this. I purchased two expensive versions and returned them both.”

And…this one promises to keep my ass planted on the really hard, forgetful-foamed, gorgeous, really cheap blue cotton, washable, remarkably versatile butt pillow. Assures me that buying a more expensive one would not have been any better.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews.

This review would be incomplete without consulting with AI.

“Customers like the sitting experience with the body positioner. They say it makes sitting for a long time easier, makes sitting up straight, and makes sitting without wanting to cry. Customers are satisfied with the quality, but some customers are disappointed with the hardness. Customers have different opinions on value, size, firmness, pain relief, and comfort.”

Results of Study.

This butt pillow is good to have if I’m traveling with a newborn. If I’m having long-term buttbone pain or I’ve had my buttbone removed altogether. It’s cheaper than a cat bed or dog toy. It makes great as a multi-purpose tool; great at being used for its unintended purposes. Apparently, I have a “longterm” issue which scares me a little.

The cover is absolutely amazing. It’s removable, washable, but non-returnable. It’s also way more attractive than all the other ugly butt pillows. You should buy this merely for the cover. It is worth its weight because of what it wears. Furthermore, because the remarkably, versatile cheap cotton cover isn’t slippery synthetic, I’m for sure to stay put. Perfecto. That will solve the problem.

“Studies” show it is NOT good for hemorrhoid relief and I should definitely wait on my colorectal doctor to tell me what my “real” “butt issues” are. I really need to know what’s going on “down there.” I should celebrate having cancer by giving gifts, subliminally hide messages to my friends in Amazon reviews, and wait for the verdict. I have nothing but time. Part of the jury is apparently still out so they left a note: “back after two months.” I’m still waiting. Had they bought said ass donut, they wouldn’t have left in the first place.

It magically appears larger than imagined, already has blueprints for an improved version, and leaves people speechless. Backs up my message of the power of the dot dot dot. A standing desk would be much better than a sitting desk. Why should we sit at all, for that matter? Some reviews literally define insanity. I thought I was the only one crazy. Wait…am I seriously publicly doing a butt pillow review review? In writing? Documentation is important.

Credentials?

“What does Trinity Ellis know about this topic?” “Has she published peer-reviewed articles on it?”

About the Author:

Trinity Ellis has been an industrial hygienist for over 20 years. She has done ergonomic evaluations. She apparently didn’t do them long enough to get stuck with one of these. Noise is measured in decibels, odor in olfs, light in luminaires, heat with a thermometer, ventilation with a velometer, and chemicals with a gas chromatograph/mass spectrometer.

She is clueless on how to measure the effectiveness of an ass pillow on the easement of ass-related workplace injuries. She’s pretty sure OSHA doesn’t have any ass-specific Regulations on it. ACGIH doesn’t have any Time-Weighted Averages or Threshold Limit Values.

So, here is the article of my small controlled-group study. It is now published. You are my peers.

Review me.

• Based on my summarized review, would you buy this?
• How would you rate my 4.2 out of 5 star reviews review?
• Do you have a rebuttal?

Conclusion:

I should have done my research before I bought this thing, butt it has given me one more thing to blog about.