This Week Has Been Tough: Trying to Find Breaks in the Stress

I’ve struggled this week, well, the past few weeks. There has been a lot going on. I’m still in the middle of moving. The world and world events are upsetting. I was already struggling because of my own issues and attitudes about things. I feel overwhelmed, stressed, and feel like there are no breaks between the storm. I deal with this all the time. This ongoing struggle comes from my all-or-nothing thinking and false beliefs mixed with my anxiety about thinking about worst-case scenarios. It took me years to identify it, and while I’ve identified it and I can recognize the patterns, it isn’t easy to break past those barriers.
That was one misconception I had about starting therapy and addressing my mental health issues: instant relief and success. When I started treatment to manage my anxiety, I thought I would find instant relief. Like a switch being flipped. Do you know how a broken bone heals? You have the trauma inflicted, you take the proper care and preventive steps, and then (in most cases), it’s back to where you were or better. I expected working through my mental health to be similar. This outcome hasn’t been the case.
I read an analogy from Scott Stossel’s My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind that living anxiety was like living like diabetes. In most cases, you can’t straight out get rid of it. Instead, you learn to treat, deal with, and cohabitate with it. You can never fully get rid of it. I’ve learned that mental health is a lot like that. You can never just get rid of it.
After dealing with this week, I was caught in a vicious cycle. I wasn’t taking care of myself as I should have. I skipped meals. I ate junk food. I had trouble sleeping. I’ve been isolating myself (another bad habit I have). The list goes on.
This cycle will continue until I regain “awareness” for one day and try to break out of it. I will counter it with a flat-out run of trying to be productive to make up for the last time I was dealing with an anxiety or depressive episode. Then I will burn out, add some more self-loathing, and then the cycle begins again. I’ve been working harder to try and break this cycle, learning to live with my insecurities and shortcoming. But, like most things, this is easier said than done.
I’m trying, and I’ll keep trying, but some days, I really need to force myself to find a break from the chaos.
