This Time I Stayed

Summary

The poem "This Time I Stayed" expresses deep gratitude to the author's brother for his silent yet profound support during a moment of vulnerability.

Abstract

"This Time I Stayed" is a poignant poem that captures the emotional journey of the author as she confronts a period of prolonged waiting and the resurgence of bottled-up emotions. Initially, she struggles with feelings of anger, sadness, and fear, having always perceived herself as the strong, unyielding one who could outrun any negativity. However, when her usual coping mechanisms fail, her brother provides a haven of unspoken understanding and compassion in a simple, yet powerful embrace. This act of silent solidarity allows her to confront her grief and find solace in the shared moment, leading to a realization that staying present with her emotions, rather than fleeing from them, is a path to healing and a divine experience of love and connection.

Opinions

The author views herself as someone who has always been strong and resilient, able to outrun sorrow and maintain a positive outlook despite adversity.
The poem reflects a personal transformation, where the author moves from a place of resistance to embracing vulnerability, facilitated by her brother's silent support.
The author believes that true compassion can be communicated without words, as demonstrated by her brother's embrace which provided comfort and a safe space for her to grieve.
The poem suggests that the author's previous tendency to avoid negative emotions was a form of fear, and that facing these emotions is crucial for personal growth and healing.
There is an underlying sentiment that moments of deep connection and compassion are sacred and can lead to profound personal insights.

A poem of gratitude to my brother who said nothing and everything in his silent embrace.

Just when it looked like the waiting was over I got the call. It would be a while longer. I wanted to scream.…to stop pretending that it would soon be done. But this song had no ending.

All that I had kept bottled inside erupted in tears I could no longer hide. I was angry and sad but mostly afraid of these feelings I’d worked so hard to contain.

I was always the strong one, busy girl, clown Never stopping long enough to let life get me down. I could weather any storm, was my claim to fame, by seeing the bright side in spite of the pain.

I could outrun disaster, sadness or sorrow By telling myself there was always tomorrow. I’d focus on happy and fun times and light. I could outshine the darkness and hide from the night.

My spirit was broken, my fear exposed. For the first time in forever I had no where to go. The places and dreams I could chase in my mind Had vanished like clouds and left me behind.

As my body went numb, my will to fight, gone he hugged me close to his chest for what felt like too long. No words were spoken. I wanted to escape. But I stayed in the silence and love took its place.

My mind said ‘let go’. My heart said ‘don’t leave’. So I stayed in his arms and gave in to the grief. In the warmth of his mercy I let myself feel this moment, this message that said I could heal.

The weight of compassion had anchored me there Then he slowly let go as I breathed in new air. Compassion and grief were now intertwined. What I thought was defeat was, in truth, the divine.

Oh the love I’d have lost if fear had its way. If I’d run, like before, but this time I Stayed.

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