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alth care, a safe place to live that we can afford, and a great education for our kids that doesn’t mean we have to refinance the house to do it. Amiright? Of course I am.</p><p id="3416">You’re right to be furious. Hell, I keep a baseball bat and pillow in the backroom just to work off some of my own righteous outrage. You lost your job when the plant you’d worked in since you were twenty got moved to Mexico? I got laid off when the prestigious medical college I worked for eliminated my position. We both lost our health care insurance, didn’t we? You’re undoubtedly in a much tougher situation than I am. I’m really sorry about that, but then you did vote for the governor who refused to accept expanded Medicaid so there’s that.</p><p id="31a2">What do you mean? How do I know that?</p><p id="c44e">Am I wrong? <i>Did</i> you vote for the Democrat? You know, The Socialist?</p><p id="c548">I’m sure there are some things you could educate me about, things like priming a carburetor to get a car to start on cold mornings and the best way to get a deal on some undeveloped land. While I don’t necessarily need to know these things, I’m saying that you know stuff I don’t. Here’s something I seem to know that you don’t:</p><p id="b797" type="7">Democratic socialism is not the same thing as socialism.</p><p id="62b1">You’re thinking Venezuela or the old Soviet Union but what we’re talking about is Denmark, the Netherlands (aka Holland), or even the United Kingdom (aka England). That mask, is it on ok and comfortable enough? Good.</p><p id="2609">Anyway, you’re absolutely right that people in those countries pay <a href="https://www.icalculator.info/netherlands/income-tax-rates/2020.html">really high taxes</a>. Here’s the thing: the money they pay in taxes ensures that everyone gets decent health care and often really good child care that they can easily afford. They get that instead of paying for state-of-the-art weapons technology like we do. And another thing, when you add up all the different other taxes we pay — sales tax, property taxes, taxes on utilities, etc. — our rate of taxation is pretty much on par with theirs. We’re all paying a lot in taxes, bu

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t they get their tax money back in health care and a robust social safety net which means there aren’t so many people with cardboard signs begging for handouts. You know, those lazy shits you hate so much?</p><p id="8760">You and me, we’ve got so much in common. The stuff we don’t see eye to eye on is being blown way out of proportion by the people we really need to be mad at.</p><p id="ecf0">There is a tiny class of people who wield extraordinary power over our lives because they’ve been rigging the system in their favor for a generation. You say your Dad was able to raise you and your five siblings on his salary at the foundry where he worked his entire life? Yeah, my Dad was a grease monkey, a car mechanic at the local Ford dealership. He bought a four-bedroom house and raised four daughters on what he earned. Check <i>this</i> out, when he died he left $12,000 to each of us girls.</p><p id="c937">You can’t do that. I can’t do that and I went to college! You’re pissed that you’re stuck in a pre-fab house that doesn’t have a basement and I’m counting my blessings for the rent-stabilized apartment I’ve lived in for 18 years. We can’t afford a down payment and mortgage payments because the game is rigged by that teensy bunch of obscenely wealthy people. And they have a lot on the line in keeping you pissed off at me and me pissed off at you. So far, you have to admit, it’s working really well.</p><p id="7bba">So if going to Aunt Ellen’s for the holidays is that important to you, go for it. If hanging out at the bar with the guys means more to you than keeping your asthmatic kid safe, who am I to tell you otherwise? You have all this personal freedom to not wear a mask, to go anywhere you want and hang out with anybody you please. But if you think you’re not your very own special kind of sheeple for doing that, I suggest you think again.</p><p id="118a">I’m glad we had this talk. I’m really sorry I had to tie you to a chair to do it, but maybe something I said got through. If not, well someone had to give it a shot.</p><p id="8e70">Let’s not do this again, k?</p><p id="0fce"><i>© Remington Write 2020. All Rights Reserved.</i></p></article></body>

This Sheeple’s Had It

Put your mask on and we’ll talk

Photo Credit — Fermion / Wikimedia Commons

Ok, calm TF down and stop with the screeching about personal freedom, k? What with your sugar and blood pressure this is really bad for you. So chill for a minute.

We need to talk.

But first, you need to use some of this 70% alcohol hand sanitizer, back up about six feet, and put this mask on. I know. I know. We’re infringing on your God-given right to your own personal freedom. We got that. You’ve been howling about it since June. You know what else you have a right to? Getting infected with the Coronavirus and taking it home to Aunt Ellen.

That’s right. I’m admitting it right here in front of that questionable God of yours and all your righteously free brethren that you do indeed have the right to get infected, infect those you love, and then die.

Is that what you want?

I come to you as one of those poor sad sheeple who just go along with what the evil fake news media says. As you can see, here I am in my KN95 mask and every time you take another step towards me, you see me backing away. Dude, I can see the spit coming out of your mouth here! Back TF off before I take an action you won’t like. You need to understand that I’m not your enemy. Even though I do consider you to be an off-the-charts pinhead, I’m actually on your side.

Don’t ask me why, but I don’t want you or your Aunt Ellen to die. Really.

You want to hear fake news? I mean really out and out lying-ass fake news? All that crap about the nation divided and how we’re polarised beyond repair? That’s the fake news. You and I? We’re not divided. We want the same things and always have. We want decent jobs, good health care, a safe place to live that we can afford, and a great education for our kids that doesn’t mean we have to refinance the house to do it. Amiright? Of course I am.

You’re right to be furious. Hell, I keep a baseball bat and pillow in the backroom just to work off some of my own righteous outrage. You lost your job when the plant you’d worked in since you were twenty got moved to Mexico? I got laid off when the prestigious medical college I worked for eliminated my position. We both lost our health care insurance, didn’t we? You’re undoubtedly in a much tougher situation than I am. I’m really sorry about that, but then you did vote for the governor who refused to accept expanded Medicaid so there’s that.

What do you mean? How do I know that?

Am I wrong? Did you vote for the Democrat? You know, The Socialist?

I’m sure there are some things you could educate me about, things like priming a carburetor to get a car to start on cold mornings and the best way to get a deal on some undeveloped land. While I don’t necessarily need to know these things, I’m saying that you know stuff I don’t. Here’s something I seem to know that you don’t:

Democratic socialism is not the same thing as socialism.

You’re thinking Venezuela or the old Soviet Union but what we’re talking about is Denmark, the Netherlands (aka Holland), or even the United Kingdom (aka England). That mask, is it on ok and comfortable enough? Good.

Anyway, you’re absolutely right that people in those countries pay really high taxes. Here’s the thing: the money they pay in taxes ensures that everyone gets decent health care and often really good child care that they can easily afford. They get that instead of paying for state-of-the-art weapons technology like we do. And another thing, when you add up all the different other taxes we pay — sales tax, property taxes, taxes on utilities, etc. — our rate of taxation is pretty much on par with theirs. We’re all paying a lot in taxes, but they get their tax money back in health care and a robust social safety net which means there aren’t so many people with cardboard signs begging for handouts. You know, those lazy shits you hate so much?

You and me, we’ve got so much in common. The stuff we don’t see eye to eye on is being blown way out of proportion by the people we really need to be mad at.

There is a tiny class of people who wield extraordinary power over our lives because they’ve been rigging the system in their favor for a generation. You say your Dad was able to raise you and your five siblings on his salary at the foundry where he worked his entire life? Yeah, my Dad was a grease monkey, a car mechanic at the local Ford dealership. He bought a four-bedroom house and raised four daughters on what he earned. Check this out, when he died he left $12,000 to each of us girls.

You can’t do that. I can’t do that and I went to college! You’re pissed that you’re stuck in a pre-fab house that doesn’t have a basement and I’m counting my blessings for the rent-stabilized apartment I’ve lived in for 18 years. We can’t afford a down payment and mortgage payments because the game is rigged by that teensy bunch of obscenely wealthy people. And they have a lot on the line in keeping you pissed off at me and me pissed off at you. So far, you have to admit, it’s working really well.

So if going to Aunt Ellen’s for the holidays is that important to you, go for it. If hanging out at the bar with the guys means more to you than keeping your asthmatic kid safe, who am I to tell you otherwise? You have all this personal freedom to not wear a mask, to go anywhere you want and hang out with anybody you please. But if you think you’re not your very own special kind of sheeple for doing that, I suggest you think again.

I’m glad we had this talk. I’m really sorry I had to tie you to a chair to do it, but maybe something I said got through. If not, well someone had to give it a shot.

Let’s not do this again, k?

© Remington Write 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Covid-19
Relationships
Advice
Public Health
Satire
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