The world

This Pizza Proves the World is Ending

Shit is breaking down everywhere

In movies, there’s usually one unmistakable moment that marks the apocalypse.

When my husband texted me a picture of this pizza I’d asked him to pick up, I realized that moment had come.

I could give you a play-by-play of the cluster-fuckery involved in the ordering of this pizza, but instead, I suggest you imagine picking up three random stoners off the street, depositing them into a pizza place they’ve never seen before and seeing what they come up with.

In the entire history of pizza, nobody has ever ordered half sausage and half “every single black olive you can get your hands on,” but when my husband described the chaotic scene he encountered while picking up this sad pizza, I told him to take it anyway.

Others were walking out empty-handed. The crew didn’t seem to know how to take orders or how to ring them up or how to make pizza.

A sign on the door advertised that they were hiring … for twelve bucks an hour. The local McDonald’s is paying $13.

Does it matter?

In the matter of pizza, not so much. But have you tried to get a prescription recently?

Just trying to get through to the pharmacist is enough to cause you to need a new prescription for anxiety even if all you were originally calling for was an antibiotic.

A family member has been trying for days to find a place to get her prescription filled but still doesn’t have it. Not long ago my “24-hour” pharmacy abruptly closed for two days.

Yesterday, a store that was supposed to be open until 10 p.m. locked up as my grandchildren and I walked up to the door around 4 p.m. The woman made eye contact with me and shrugged as she twisted the keys.

My dog scratched himself raw a couple of weeks ago. I called the vet but they said they had no openings and suggested I call another vet. I’ve been taking my animals there for 20 years.

Poor Mr. Joe.

My vet called me today and said they finally have an opening. I had already googled the problem and discovered an old prescription cream of my husband’s could be used on dogs. That and some oral antihistamine got things under control.

I can’t imagine how my dog would have made it if we hasn’t happened to have had this odd cream I’ve never heard of before sitting in my husband’s never-cleared-out bedside table. (Mental note: Never throw anything away from now on. Might need it later.)

The oddest products are missing from stores. One day it’s a common type of pickle. Another day, there’s no elbow macaroni.

A friend’s water was nearly turned off because she couldn’t get through to the water company. She begged the water guy in her yard not to disconnect her, saying she’d been earnestly trying to take care of it. He told her he’d been hearing that from a lot of people.

The system isn’t working.

Not everyone has noticed yet. I think the further down the economic ladder you go, the easier it is to notice things are breaking. You can still throw money at most problems — for now.

Complacency is the biggest mistake you could make right now. Upheavals and changes are starting. The cracks in the foundation are starting to show. Don’t be caught unaware.

About Michelle Teheux

I’m a writer and editor in central Illinois. Find me on Twitter or LinkedIn.

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