This Mindset Shift Tames Impostor Syndrome

Interrogating Your Fears Rather Than Letting Them Control You

I am sitting at my computer and about to end the Zoom meeting when she asks, “You have written a book, right?”

I look her in the eyes and say, “Yeah, it’s a book on teacher burnout.”

“We should make that into a workshop,” she says. She continues in a very nonchalant manner, “I am thinking about six weeks from now. Put together a proposal and make a flyer so I can send it to my bosses for approval.”

I sit at my computer in stunned silence. I have been dreaming about this kind of opportunity.

Every morning, I write this affirmation in my journal 30 times, “I am a writer who speaks.”

I just got offered an opportunity that makes that affirmation come true and could change the course of my career and life.

Then it hits.

THE FEAR!!!

I want to start writing the proposal and building the workshop, but my fear keeps me from doing so.

Every time I sit down to craft something, the fear creates a tightness in my chest and stomach.

The chatter in my head grows louder and louder, and I walk away from the computer. I cannot think and cannot produce what she is asking for.

Breaking The Negative Thought Loops

I ask myself, “Do you actually believe in the ideas that you share?”

Then I tell myself, “Stop talking about them and actually live them!”

This insight hit me like a bolt of lightning as I was taking a walk in the woods.

I got two lucky breaks on the day when fear started getting ahold of me.

First, I met with my therapist. She helped guide me through the worst parts of the pandemic. I nearly threw away my teaching career because of the fear and negative thoughts that controlled me during the pandemic. Her thoughtfulness and probing questions helped me to stop, think, and reflect on my feelings.

Second, I had a copy of the book I wrote on how to deal with toxic thoughts effectively rather than letting them control you and send you running back to your comfort zone.

After my therapy session and a long walk in the woods to clear my mind, I turned to Chapter 1 of my book and found the answer to the fear that was keeping me from taking action.

Name It To Tame It

I needed to name my fear in order to tame my fear.

I had just been given an opportunity I had been dreaming about, and it scared the hell out of me.

What if my audience realizes I am a fraud?

What if I am just not up for this?

What if I wasn’t good enough?

Speaker and author Erick Rheam calls this The Beast. It is the fear that overwhelms you when you take a step outside of your comfort zone.

I just needed to ask myself one question.

What am I afraid of?

My answers were:

I am afraid of failing!

I am afraid I am not ready!

I am afraid of being exposed as a fraud!

I am afraid of being judged!

I am afraid of disappointing the woman giving me my big break!

I am afraid of disappointing myself!

I am afraid that I am just not ready!

Wow, the beast really had ahold of me!!!

It was time to follow my own advice!

Steps To Control “The Beast”

Step 1 — Acknowledge your fear

I did this in my therapy session. I admitted that I was feeling fear around the opportunity I had just been given. Therapy creates a safe space for me where I can admit to fear and stress that I cannot admit to anyone else and sometimes not even to myself until I hear myself say it out loud to my therapist.

Step 2 — Note where you are feeling stress in your body

I was feeling a tightness in my chest and stomach. I also had a fuzzy feeling in my brain, preventing me from focusing no matter how hard I tried.

Step 3 — Write down each of your fears

I took five minutes and just wrote down every fear I had.

This was so liberating!

Getting those thoughts out of my head and onto paper allowed me to confront them.

Step 4 — Interrogate each fear

I am afraid of failing!

I am being asked to talk about recovering from burnout, which I have done. I go to school each day excited to be in my room. Three years ago, I had typed up my resignation letter because I thought I did not have the ability to teach any longer. I cannot fail as long as I share my story with vulnerability and explain my process of working through the dark times of wanting to walk away from teaching to where I am today, which is feeling excitement every day when I walk into my room to teach.

I am afraid I am not ready!

I have been preparing for this moment for the last three years. I have written a book and taken classes on storytelling, workshop development, and group coaching strategies. If I can get out of my own way, I have the knowledge, skills, and courage to be effective at this.

I am afraid of being exposed as a fraud!

How can I be a fraud in my own lived experience? I crawled through hell and came out stronger on the other side. The only fraud would be to deny and hide these experiences from others. I am resilient and have effective strategies to share to help others build the confidence to bounce back from burnout.

I am afraid of being judged!

Whenever I share my story, people tell me they are impressed with my bravery and vulnerability. One man was nearly in tears at a conference after hearing me share my story. A few people may judge me, but most will embrace my story and find power in it. The worst judgment would be judging myself for shrinking away from this opportunity.

I am afraid of disappointing the woman giving me my big break!

She was drawn to my book and story because of my willingness to be vulnerable and openly share my pain and fears. If I do that with conviction and then share the strategies I have found to pull me out of that place, she will be proud to have offered me this opportunity.

I am afraid of disappointing myself!

I can only disappoint myself if I don’t try. It is an opportunity to learn and grow even if I fall short of my expectations. If I don’t try it, how will I know how to improve and what tweaks to make in my delivery and strategies?

I am afraid that I am just not ready!

After confronting the other negative thoughts, I realized this was just the beast talking. I am ready for this moment. I have been preparing my whole life for this, and I will not run back to my comfort zone just because the beast is yapping in my ear.

Final Thoughts

In their book The Tools, Phil Stuzt and Barry Michaels provide three statements to confront The Beast or what they call Part X when it tries to make you afraid or ashamed.

Their statements are:

Bring it on!

I love pain!

Pain sets me free!

I just said them out loud, and now I am ready to live them.

The beast tried to make me feel the pain of fear, but I love pain. It sets me free.

BRING IT ON!