This May Be the Last Time You See Me

Are You Aware of That?

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We say goodbye to people daily. We simply go to work, school, or leave a friend’s house after visiting. It all seems very obvious that we’ll see those people again, but is it really?

I recently read a piece by James Bellerjeau that made me think about the uncertainty of life. When I read it, it brought to mind a Stoic philosopher, Epictetus, from whom I once read somewhere a saying that when you say goodbye, you should do it with the awareness that it might be the last time you see that person.

The Unexpected Farewell From Anthony

I remember when I was a little boy, around 11 years old, and had just undergone my second heart surgery. Finally, I was declared cured. I was born with a heart condition where my heart would often beat irregularly and fast — a severe form of paroxysmal supraventricular tachycardia. Man, that was a real nightmare.

The impact it had on my life is an article in itself, but I’ll perhaps write about that another time.

A friend of mine back then who lived in my street, Anthony, had the same heart condition as me. However, he kept dealing with it for a longer time because he was afraid of the surgery. Unfortunately, this had consequences.

On an ordinary day when everyone was going about their business, we received the terrible news that Anthony had been found dead in the bathroom by his mother around half-past four in the morning. He had gone to the bathroom at night, had a heart attack, and passed away. When his mother needed to use the bathroom herself, she found him there.

I can only imagine what a terrible experience that must have been for her. An unprecedented and incredible pain. Hard proof that life does not go according to a script.

How natural life seemed at that moment, how convinced I was that I would see him ‘tomorrow’ — it was not to be. Anthony has crossed over.

This song was played at his funeral.

It’s from a Dutch band called ‘Van Dik Hout’ (From Thick Wood) and called ‘Stil in mij’ (Quiet Inside Me). Whenever I hear this song being played on the radio, I get emotional. It reminds me of him — and we had some really good memories. And still, when I’m thinking of Anthony— with a smile on my face and shedding a tear at the same time — I’m writing this piece.

The Unexpected Farewell From Edwin

I have been active in the works council for the logistics service provider for whom I work for quite some time. This was not only an educational period, but also a very fun one. I’ve met great people from all corners of the company. One of those people was Edwin. And completely unexpectedly, Edwin died in his home in August 2017.

We worked together on several projects and were in regular contact through the works council. We also received training twice a year. This was the most fun. These training courses were given in De Zeeuwse Stromen, a nice hotel in Renesse, beautifully situated on the beach.

Besides the fun we had, we had deep conversations about life. Especially after a few beers. Sometimes we went philosophical. And that was done with ease. I found Edwin to be someone I could easily talk to, and we effortlessly transitioned from one topic to another. You’ve probably had a similar experience with someone in your life. Maybe it’s that one friend with whom you never run out of things to talk about, or perhaps it’s that one colleague, like Edwin.

I remember very well when we went to his funeral with lots of colleagues. That was a truly sad experience. The atmosphere is, of course, never pleasant at a funeral (at least not the ones I attended), but here it felt different. Man, how I cried then. Especially when they played “Purple Rain” by Prince because Edwin was a Prince fan.

When I expressed my heartfelt condolences to Edwin’s parents, I saw the sorrow in Edwin’s father’s eyes. I had never seen anything like this in anyone's eyes before. So… lost! That look in his eyes has always stayed with me. How could this even happen? It was yet another harsh reminder of how crucial that last hug, that last phone call, that last moment truly is. And still, when I’m thinking of Edwin — with a smile on my face and shedding a tear at the same time — I’m writing this piece.

The Unexpected Farewell From Dorian

Dorian and I became friends during my adolescence. He was older than me, already had a driver’s license, and was a spontaneous, fun guy. He had this special voice and way of speaking. I can’t describe it, but sometimes you just experience this with someone, right? You think, “Hey, I just love listening to this person!”

I met him through mutual acquaintances, and we started hanging out together more and more. At a later stage, he also began visiting my home more frequently, and that’s how our bond grew stronger.

We both made a lot of bad choices in life, and one of them was drugs. How foolish can you be, right? I had undergone two heart surgeries in the past, and yet I still got involved with drugs. It’s a miracle I’m still alive, really. But that’s beside the point. We were both in the wrong circuit.

Dorian started having money problems at the time. And if there is one circuit where you don’t want to have money problems, it is in the drug circuit. He got further and further into debt and saw no way out. None of us knew anything about this until he killed himself, driving his car against a tree without wearing a seatbelt. His mother found a suicide note in his room in which he confessed and explained everything.

What the fuck, Dorian? I hung out with you yesterday.

If only I had the consciousness I have now. If only I had looked into his eyes while I shook his hand. “See you tomorrow, mate.” I can still hear myself saying that. And still, when I’m thinking of Dorian— with a smile on my face and shedding a tear at the same time — I’m writing this piece.

Now, this time I’m not sharing what music was played at the funeral. Time for a moment silence.

I can write down many more stories of people in my life who died unexpectedly. I have no idea if there is life after death. I can neither deny nor prove it. But if there is: know that I will NEVER forget all of you.

This May Be the Last Time You See Me

Just like the examples above, you might have experienced similar situations. Or perhaps not. The point is that I want to raise awareness to each and every one of you to make the most of every day and every relationship.

Let’s be honest here: The reality I described is one we all face but do not think about often enough. Perhaps not even at all. It’s very easy to assume that we will see a particular person again.

The examples I mentioned didn’t even include the unpredictable fact that, at any given moment, something can happen to us as well.

Perhaps it’s a regular morning, and you’re in a rush — off to work because you’re already late. No time to properly say goodbye. You are driving on the highway, but someone else is looking at their phone more than the road and crashes into you. You have an accident and… Well, you can’t tell the story anymore. This is not an impossible scenario, dear reader. This has happened already a lot of times.

Perhaps when you read my article, it could be the last.

Become Good Now

Writing this piece does not make me just think about life itself, and being aware, but it makes me think about our vulnerability too.

“Don’t behave as if you are destined to live forever. What’s fated hangs over you. As long you live and while you can, become good now.” — Marcus Aurelius

That quote from Marcus Aurelius, an ancient Stoic philosopher, reminds me also to acknowledge my vulnerability. At least in this body, I will not experience life forever. The concept of fate is another philosophical topic, but it motivates me to be a good person. Become good now. Don’t have a double agenda. It seems to me like a terrible scenario for your relatives who love you to find out that they actually don’t know you at all.

Have you ever thought about this? Are you living intentionally and trying to be the best possible version of yourself in the time you have?

Don’t hesitate to enter into dialogue with each other in the comments. Are you aware? Do you consciously say goodbye to your loved ones?