This is your life — Nobody else’s

It’s never too late to let go of everything and find yourself

It was a desperate act of self-preservation.

There was no honor in it.

There was no justifying it.

There was no lesson to be learned from it.

I just needed to get out. It was time to run.

I remember that cold Christmas evening, alone in my car and alone in the world.

Everything leading up to that moment had pushed me to my tipping point. The forward momentum had taken over, and what started as a slow roll downhill roll had quickly accelerated into a free fall. I had no control of what happened next.

There was no going back. My fight-or-flight animal instincts had kicked in. My body was moving in autopilot. There was nothing more anyone could do or say that would stop me from my mission that night.

I was done with that job. I knew I would never go back, I just couldn’t. I was done. There had to be a better way to live my life, though I had no idea how the next hours, days, months or years would play out.

Maybe I should’ve been thinking less about myself, and more about others. Would I be able to support my family, or even myself, after hastily cutting my only safety net?

What about the additional stress and workload of those I was leaving behind, in that most toxic of corporate environments?

But on that cold December night I was not thinking of anyone else. I wasn’t thinking of anything at all. I had decided that I needed to take care of myself — unconditionally and completely.

It was perhaps the first time I had ever done so, after living a life through the lens of other people’s expectations, intentions and projections. I had reached adulthood, never having the opportunity to answer “what do you want to be when you grow up?”.

That question had been answered for me. By my parents, by society, by my peers. The answer was no longer tenable. I had enough.

My soul had been completely severed from any semblance of an internal guidance system. It was no wonder my course had strayed so far from an authentic and meaningful life. I was adrift in an ocean of existential nothingness.

It was in that selfish act, that utterly irresponsible act, in that night that is now seared into my memory — when I decided to throw it all away, no matter the consequences or repercussions. “This is my life” I thought, as I held back the tears. “It’s mine”.

In that darkest moment, the moment that I chose to act in my animalistic self-interest, that I saw the faintest glimmer of light. For the first time since my childhood dreams had been stamped out by the oppressive will of others, that I saw hope.

The future is uncertain. Our safety and security are never guaranteed. It is only through letting go of everything that we become fearless.

Through fearless emerges love, and the capacity to serve others. Perhaps the road to being selfless is being selfish, if you’re not living life for yourself then you are cut off from the source of your inner power.

This is your life. Save yourself. Love yourself. The world needs you to operate out of your full authentic power.

Don’t spend another day living life for anyone else.