This Is Why You Need To Be Careful About What You Tell Children

Your words can have a detrimental impact

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been praised for my math abilities.

This isn’t to brag. I was just lucky to have a mind for numbers.

It’s something my dad’s side of the family has.

But the praise I received for my natural abilities had unintended consequences.

And it’s limited me in many ways.

You’re so good at this

We tell this to children all the time. Maybe a child is good at making music, drawing, playing sports, writing, or anything else.

As a child, positive reinforcement resulted in me investing more in the things I was being praised for.

And I’m sure all the adults around me had the best of intentions.

Over the years, I focused on math because it came easily to me. I enjoyed it because of how simple it was.

Then, I hit a brick wall in college.

In a high-level calculus course, I struggled to get a B- in the class. It no longer came easily to me. I had to work hard for that B-.

That made me realize that I didn’t even enjoy math.

I enjoyed math when it was easy. When I was learning math beyond my comfort zone, I didn’t enjoy it.

For so many years, I had doubled down on my mathematical abilities. And this impacted my life, for better or worse.

The unintended consequence

After being told that I was good at math and focusing on it for many years, I neglected other aspects of my life.

Most of my life revolved around sports and math.

My parents forced me to play instruments and try out other hobbies, but I only loved sports.

Eventually, they threw in the towel and let me spend my years as an athlete. I cherished every minute out on the field, in the pool, or on the court.

The positive reinforcement I received for my math abilities contrasted with the lack of positive reinforcement I received in other endeavors.

I internalized this idea that I was a “math person” and that I wasn’t good at many of these other things.

In art classes, I wasn’t patient enough to push myself. I didn’t view myself as a good writer. I didn’t enjoy reading.

My ADHD didn’t help either. Solving math problems seemed to give me a dopamine hit.

Studying history or biology did nothing for me. I couldn’t have cared less.

Viewing myself as a “math person” became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I stayed in my lane. I enjoyed learning math because it didn’t challenge me. I didn’t invest myself in other difficult endeavors.

Deep down, I didn’t believe that I had any creative or artistic ability.

If I hadn’t pigeonholed myself, I likely would have cultivated these other skills and become a more well-rounded individual.

I can’t change the past. And I don’t hold any resentment towards adults around me.

But I don’t think it’s a good idea to lump kids into categories like these:

• Math person vs. non-math-person
• Athlete vs. non-athlete
• Artist vs. non-artist

All this is to say that you should be conscious of what you tell young children. It will stick with them. They can perceive more than you know.

Think about the unintentional messages you may be sending through how you interact with them.

When I accepted that I was a whole individual with various strengths and weaknesses, my life improved.

I no longer felt restricted to the one zone I’d been placed into.

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