Infidelity/Relationships

This Is Why I Would Never Have Another Affair

Despite the temptations.

Would I feel more alive if I strayed from my marriage and embarked on an affair?

Would my days be more thrilling if I stepped out to see if there was more?

Would I then be able to channel the elusive adrenaline and excitement that has faded over the years of being in a committed relationship while raising children?

These are questions we may all ponder from time to time. Those of us who are dedicated to our spouses, partners, and children. Those of us who wonder if this is all there is.

I once had an affair with a married person and felt the illicit touch of someone forbidden — something taboo. I’ve often wondered what would happen if I felt that again.

Except that this time I would be the person who was married.

Would I be satisfied if I had an affair? Would I feel on top of the world?

The short answer is — NO.

Although marriage, long-term relationships, and raising children with someone can be monotonous and laborious, they are — in fact — a choice. It may not be the most glamorous or decadent choice. But it IS a choice.

The choice to stay in a relationship for the long-term, get married, raise children, and maintain a functioning home with another person as a family is incredibly hard work. Tiring work. Gritty work.

Maintaining a relatively good relationship with your partner throughout all of the trials of raising a family, grueling responsibilities, making time for one another, staying connected, and ultimately NOT killing each other — is indeed a true feat.

Being committed to a partner and raising a family isn’t what some people would consider ‘fun’. There will inevitably be fun and joyous moments along the way and many memorable experiences to be had but being committed to one person and raising a family together is not fun in the sense that going to a concert or an amusement park is fun.

So why not have an affair? It could be invigorating, to say the least. Something fresh, something alluring.

An affair could be just for me. It could be my escape from the dreary routine of being everything to everyone at home — from never having just a moment for myself. An affair could be everything I don’t have and everything I want all at the same time.

Indeed — it could.

However, I know from experience that this is not how affairs work in reality. Before I ever got married and had children I learned exactly how un-glamorous affairs truly are during my experience as ‘the other woman’.

Affairs are often sullen torrents of despair. Affairs are short-lived deceits that we use to fool ourselves into believing something that is not supposed to be ours is meant to be. Affairs rarely end well.

Affairs ultimately burst the illusions we dance with while in denial.

The reality of an affair is that the thrill and excitement do not last. Those are but fleeting moments of fear, adrenaline, and dread much like those few moments at the very top of a roller coaster. The terror and sensation fill you up for just seconds before your stomach feels like it’s in your throat.

Feeling alive is not the same as being sincerely in love or having a companion who truly loves and respects you. A secret affair cannot offer the security and trust that a real-world partner can.

Of course, everyone’s experience with infidelity is different. Some people carry on quite well with an affair partner for quite some time whilst their partner is blind to it.

Would I give up the life I’ve created with a loving partner and two children to feel as though my life is more stimulating?

Certainly not — after the lessons I’ve learned about the destruction an affair can cause and certainly not while I have a partner who loves and cherishes me completely. Even with the boredom. Even with the monotony. Even with the difficulty.

Not even for the tiniest slice of momentary rapture.

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