This Is Why I Hate Most Porn

A guy with a big penis is just not enough

I don’t find most porn sexy. In fact, I find a lot of it frustrating. Scenes that with just a tiny bit more effort could have been actually erotic land for me as transactional and androcentric. Most of the time it’s some version of

Hi, I have a freakishly big dick that most women would run in terror from and I see that you have lady parts. Want to fuck?

That’s it? Where’s the sexual tension? Where’s the implication that the actors are actually attracted to each other at all? If the organizing principle of female sexuality is being deeply desired, why can’t he at least pretend that he really wants her, and not just some hole to stick his donkey cock into? I get that the target audience for most porn is men, but lots of women watch it too. And probably even more of them would if it weren’t so terrible, unsexy, and unconcerned with the women as anything other than a foil for the guy with the almighty cock.

Sometimes the guy doesn’t even seem all that interested in the woman or acts like he’s doing her some kind of favor, and there she is, just grateful to have access to the aforementioned dick. She makes all kinds of absurd sounds of appreciation while he just pumps away at her with a disinterested look on his face until he pulls out for the gratuitous cum shot. Maybe some people love that, but it’s always my least favorite part. It’s fine in real life, but I just don’t want to see that on a screen, perhaps because it’s just one more my dick is awesome performance piece.

Maybe this is some kind of basic male fantasy that if you’ve got a big enough cock, women will just worship it and you won’t have to do much else in order to become a certified sex god except show up and stick in somewhere, but it has little basis in reality. Guys, if you don’t already know this, let me make it clear to you. Your dick is not magical and most women don’t want to be with a man who is huge anyway, because it tends to be uncomfortable. You need to do more than show up and pump her to be good at sex. Sure, I like a good pounding but as a part of a wide variety of other acts. Not as a one-trick-pony kind of thing. That alone is not enough.

Don’t get me wrong, a dick is a very good thing to have. The best dildo in the world is not a substitute for the real thing, but contrary to what most porn conveys, there is more to good sex than just being with someone who owns a big dick. Only about the first 3 inches of the vagina has many nerve endings, so a normal-sized penis or even a slightly smaller than average one can reach and stimulate those but it’s still going to take more than that to truly please a woman.

A big dick can be visually arousing, but the utility isn’t really any better unless you love having your cervix slammed into. And sometimes extraordinarily large cocks come with a strange bend in them or unusual coloring. Hey, I get that a man doesn’t get to choose how his penis presents itself. Mother nature chooses that. But if you are going to select porn actors for their arousing qualities, I’d really rather see an averaged size penis that doesn’t have all those other things going on. Just finding the biggest dick you can, even if it’s odd-looking or attached to a kind of unappealing looking guy, doesn’t interest me.

I don’t find narcissism sexy. I don’t find perfunctory sex erotic. A big dick alone is not what leads to hot fucking. Sex between women is nearly always a lot more exciting in porn because they at least look like they are actually trying to pleasure each other rather than show off what a stud they are. I think Brianna Loves Jenna was the first porn I ever saw that I thought was really hot.

My favorite porno of all time is called Pool Boy and it was produced by European director Erika Lust. In it, a sexy, shirtless guy is cleaning the pool. When he looks up, there is the lady of the house, completely naked, standing inside the sliding glass door. She watches him work for a while and then comes outside. They go together to a covered part of the patio and begin to kiss and touch each other. There is actual foreplay and as the sexual tension builds for them, it also builds for us, the viewer, as well. And since human brains are wired to love anticipation, it’s really delicious — just watching two very attractive and sexy people enjoy each other in the way that good sex actually would take place with no invasive camera angles or bizarre gymnastics for novelty sake. Now that’s erotic!

I get that porn is supposed to be visual candy. It’s supposed to be entertainment, but since it mostly annoys or frustrates me, and that doesn’t contribute to a sexy mood, we don’t watch it much anymore. Maybe I’m asking for too much, but it really doesn’t seem like it would be difficult at all to improve porn exponentially with just a few tweaks. The cult of the big dick is stupid and childish. It makes you seem like 10-year-old boys rather than men.

And on a similar note, don’t send unsolicited dick picks or use a picture of your penis as your profile picture on a dating site (even a sex-related one). What that conveys is that you don’t know the first thing about how to actually please a woman. Your dick is not magical. It’s really, really not! No matter how impressive it is.

© Copyright, Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love.