This is Where I belong, for Now — Learning to Love LA

A career in Film, the tall Palm trees, endless sunshine on days end, and the beach life — yes, this was why I moved to Los Angeles. It is the mecca for creatives and I was one of them. So, of course, I belonged here, right? Wrong.

After 10 years of the endless pursuit of working in Beauty and Entertainment, something happened — I changed, and my perception of beautiful southern California, did also.

As I was evolving into a new person, my new self was no longer aligning with the LA lifestyle. I began feeling further disconnected from the city and what it had to offer — the people, places, and things no longer interested me.

As these feelings matured, I began hating the very place I loved before. Everything about it was irritating me from the difficulties making friendships to the layout of the city, I wanted out! I was hating it and it was making me miserable.

The more I focused on “The Many Reasons I hate LA”, the list grew larger and as a result, was feeding the negative outlook of my home. The city of dreams had become the city of nightmares starring, “me”.

These thoughts and feelings were affecting the healthy evolution version of me. It was stunting my growth and creating these negative experiences.

But what could I do about it? I wanted to relocate, but couldn’t for two reasons, the Pandemic and little research of the new place I desired to move to. I wasn’t ready to pick up and leave yet and needed more soul-searching time to sort this all out.

Meanwhile, I started reading a book, This is Where You Belong, The Art and Science of Loving the Place Where You Live, by Melony Warnick. Melony had lived in many cities like Austin, Los Angeles, and landed in a small town in Blacksburg, Virginia. She encountered a culture shock, as she was accustomed to big city life and now living with limited resources. Her book goes in depth about a study she performed on her own personal dislike of the city and the people who chose to live there.

It was the question she posed that was pivotal to me seeing things differently in my own life, “What if a place becomes the right place by us choosing to love it?”

This hit me and sent me to thinking mode. I could make a decision to be happy here just like I was choosing to be miserable. I put expectations in a place as the source of my fulfillment and coming up empty. I owed it to myself to at least try to turn this around before it got it worse. Once I did, it changed the world around me.

I’d gone through a list of all the things that bothered me the most about LA and tackled them one at a time, hoping this could warrant some happiness and it has.

Acceptance

I accepted that things did not go as planned. Los Angeles wasn’t what I thought it would be and that was ok. However, I could go to the next chapter and begin again.

After accepting this truth, it catapulted me into this realm of power incapacitating the effects of the negative world I’d created.

I’d taken control and decided, on purpose to make this a positive experience. And that alone is powerful.

Created a New Relationship with my Creator

My Christian walk here suffered, as I did not like the churches and felt no connection with Christians. Going to church felt rigid, forced, and fake. My experiences with its members did not at all resemble the love and walk of Jesus Christ that I knew of. So, I broke away from organized religion and now consider myself a “Believer”.

I created a new relationship with my Creator based on authenticity and separate from the rules and bureaucracy of the church. I now coexist with other people of all different faiths without judgment and this is so freeing. It's love and I am expressing it as my God would to every man — not condemning them for not believing in my faith.

This new life has untied the bondages that I felt subdued too. It was, yet another layer removed from the reasons I disliked LA. I began feeling and seeing it in a more positive light.

Changed My Environment

I lived in the same apartment for 7 years and next to the same neighbors — who were nosey, loud, and unpleasant to live around. It was a highly toxic environment I had been dealing with for way too long. So, I moved. I moved to a new neighborhood, entirely changing my surroundings.

It was a new beginning. My new neighborhood was unfamiliar and it was what I needed. It felt like I moved to an entirely new city/state. I could give LA a fresh new start and create new experiences with new people in a new space.

Living like a Tourist

I began making a list of places that were iconic in LA and other parts of southern California I was interested in seeing. Although I’d lived here for 10 years, I’d neglected to take advantage of all the fun and exciting interesting history and legends this area had to offer.

Each weekend I have some new adventure and a new part of LA I never knew existed.

I said Yes

I had friends but they were married or lived in other states. I wanted a fun group of friends to hang out with and was absent of that. Weekends were lonely and routine. I needed to change this as it fed into the reasons LA was not working.

When I looked back at all the invites I’d received from people trying to get to know me, I understood why I was alone. I rejected 98% of all invites or either changed my mind at the last minute to go.

I changed this quickly and began showing up to events, accepting invites, and hosting gatherings. I utilized quarantine time to have virtual meet-ups making new connections, potential friends.

Making friends in LA is not easy. Even living amongst millions can be quite lonely because people tend to be in their own world. But there are some good people here, I just had to work harder to find them.

I found it imperative to actively show up for social events and seek those friendships out, not wait for them to passively drop in my lap.

Embodying a New Body

I worked on my mind and body, rigorously and improved my health. I lost 60 lbs as a result, which you can read about it in my previous article, I Lost Over 60lbs and Here’s How

As I was losing weight, I was transforming into an entirely new woman. I welcomed the new career, the new body, the new mind, and the new me. I was liking the new me and the new LA.

Writing a New Season

Given all the changes I’ve taken to change my negative views of Los Angeles, I’d made this a more pleasant experience.

Will I be here for the rest of my life? No. I want to relocate, still. Los Angeles is not my “forever place”. Although I appreciate what it has to offer, it's not what I want in this next chapter of my life. Plus, I weirdly miss all four seasons.

I love LA more than before because the greatest and most monumental changes in my life happened here. It was my incubator for change and for that, I appreciate living here.