On Being Charismatic

Do you see these 8 tell-tale signs in yourself?

I always wondered how some people manage to get a deeply devoted followership, just like that. Why the room automatically falls silent when they talk, how their admirers talk of them with utmost reverence and trust. What do they have that others do not? Turns out, it has a name, Charisma — The state of being of somebody that tells you “This person knows what he is talking about, I trust him”.

It is what makes Gurus out of learned men, and leaders out of mere men of power. Mahatma Gandhi, Barack Obama, Jeremy Clarkson, Trevor Noah, Oprah Winfrey are a few names that bring to mind an aura of a charismatic character.

Needless to say, Charisma is an immensely valuable state to develop and it is learnable. I say “state” and not “skill” because it is not a one-time act or a performance for an audience. It is an entire personality backed by wisdom and confidence. A state of equivalence with and focus on one’s surroundings. Like happiness and success, charisma is not something you pursue and attain but a journey that you grow through. Here is a set of characteristics that signify a charismatic character.

Being Decisive

As Humans, we all tend to look up to heroes. We erect statues, carve faces on mountains, make blockbusters out of super-hero movies which we know cannot exist in reality. They know what to do. They make the correct decisions. We love it when someone else decides for us. Being able to decide is charisma.

The complexity of the world makes it difficult to make “The best” decisions in the most trivial aspects. New car? Life partner? What to watch on Netflix? What to eat for dinner? “What if we make the wrong choice and end up with not the best possible option!!?”. This unpredictability makes decisiveness attractive.

What Charismatic people do is to inform themselves and decide once and for all. Being able to look one in the eye and say “do it” shows charisma.

The ability to meet anyone at eye-level

Being respectful while maintaining your self-esteem comes naturally with friends and loved ones. Charisma, on the other hand, shows when you are dealing with people that are at a different “level of hierarchy” than you are. We have various constructs of hierarchy inbuilt into our society. Educated and uneducated, Boss and subordinate, Blue-collar and white-collar etc. Whichever bucket you fall into concerning your counterpart, you tend to mentally assume a step on the ladder above or below him. This shows in how you talk or what you say.

Charismatic characters are not insecure about their position on the ladder if they are a step below. They are not arrogant about being a step higher. While talking to a boss, charismatic characters can maintain their self-esteem and be assertive and objective. While talking to a subordinate, they are equally respectful and put the counterpart at ease and give them a sense of being heard and respected without being patronizing.

Being present

Presence is when you are absorbed in the now. Remember those times you stare out of the car window listening to music and lost in thoughts? Presence is the opposite of that. Think about the time when someone is talking right to your face, but you missed the first half of the speech without him noticing? Presence is the opposite of that. It is when you don’t have to recede into your phone every couple of minutes to get a respite from the real world. Or when you are actively involved in the now absorbed in it, trying to make sense of it and gaining insight from it. If you are present, you have a higher chance of being perceived as charismatic.

Willingness to listen and understand

Active listening is the most important skill for a charismatic personality. Nobody knows everything, but everybody knows something. It is enormously important to be able to respect, listen, and filter useful information and make informed decisions. This is what sets apart charismatic characters from the rest.

Charismatic people are secure in their shoes to hear you out without interrupting to look smarter. Listening makes the speaker feel valued and respected, and also arms the listener with information and gains the loyalty of the speaker.

Ability to be stoic in the face of adversity

Social situations are not always pleasant. There is going to be disrespect, insults hurled, emotional extremes, loved ones being left behind and difficult decisions to make. Nobody has made it through life without one or all of these experiences. Charismatic personalities have the grit to remain stoic, trust logic, and pull through to the end.

Charismatic people don’t hurl insult to an insult, plot revenge, or actively hate. They can separate the cause from the person.

Being comfortable with remaining silent

Charismatic people know when it is alright to remain silent. They don’t need to fill the air with words to feel less awkward. They see that silence is as important a part of speech as words.

Silence does not signify weakness or a lack of knowledge. A moment of silence before an answer shows that you are willing to spend time to say something that matters. It shows that you are not blurting out things that make you look good, making your cause secondary.

Silence allows for your listener space to contribute and elaborate. It could be used to emphasize and let sink-in what was just said. They say for a reason that silence is golden.

Self-esteem to not sell one’s self too hard

Charismatic people have the confidence to say more with actions than words. One does not need a thousand words to market one’s self when a few words that matter can say all there is to say. Selling yourself too hard reflects insecurity rather than charisma.

The more words one uses to focus on the cause, the less are needed to elevate the person and personality. The constant need to sell one’s awesomeness raises eyebrows and draws questions. The noise of all the bragging drowns the possibility of listening to the other person’s achievements and learning more about them. It tells the listener “I am superior to you” without offering anything to prove it. Needless to say, it is hard to buy.

Ability to learn and adapt

Last but not least, charisma reflects in the willingness to let go of one’s ego and say “I might have to change my decision” when presented with new information. Learning through experience and logic, letting go of what isn’t valid anymore, and being open to change are difficult processes. But they form the core of being human. A human that has evolved from a fish that walked onto land and adapted.

New culture, language, opportunity, location, whatever may be the change, charismatic people recognize tradition from fact and can accommodate the change. They can tell the difference between fact, fiction, belief, and theory. When they say I know, they mean they know for a fact. They can tell what is subject to change and what is a proven fact.

They can adapt their learning and experience to the new situation, and draw creative solutions to new problems in the new world.

There is a tonne of advice on the internet to “fake it until you make it”, or to “emulate a charismatic character” by imitating the smile, body language, way of talking, etc. of someone else. But charisma is more than a show that you put on.

Focus on improving yourself, read more, learn more, and meet more people unlike yourself, open your mind, and accept them despite your hard held beliefs. This is a more organic and authentic way of developing a charismatic personality.

You can copy someone else, but then, the world will miss out on the original charismatic personality that you have in yourself, and instead be left with a cheap copy.