This Is Not a Good Time to Be an Empath

But if you’re trying to distance yourself from empathy, don’t

Life has not been good for human beings since the beginning of 2020, and even worse for those who feel too much, aka empaths. It was hard enough to live through gut-wrenching bad news every day that seemed to pop up at the wrong times that now we have to deal with daily death statistics because of the virus and other major disasters shaking our planet at the same time. It has been exhausting to see so much pain and hopelessness around ourselves and even more to feel it become a part of us.

But it’s not limited to just emotions. According to Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide, empaths can feel physical pain too, just another bonus that comes with extreme empathy!

“for there is nothing heavier than compassion. Not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes.” ― Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Compassion is indeed a beautiful feeling to carry but destructive at the same time. The way I see my empathy is either as a gift or a constantly ticking time bomb. It is a gift to understand where someone’s coming from, give them a helping hand, and try to heal them even just by lending an ear. And a time bomb that keeps fueling up with every emotion you absorb from your surroundings and waiting to blow up anytime in the form of a breakdown.

This year has been tough so far to be an empath for various reasons. Whatever we’ve tried to keep the time bomb from blowing up is either failing miserably or hard even to start.

Distancing ourselves from the world

We know that we can not shelter ourselves from all the suffering in the world with a plethora of news sources and technology around us, no matter how much we distance ourselves from them. We’re often told to ‘feel less’ or ‘calm down’ so easily by someone who doesn’t fully understand us, but they don’t know that we can isolate ourselves in a cave to escape the overwhelming emotions and still feel guilty for our selfishness.

Social distancing might have helped a lot of us to spend more time with ourselves and introspect, but the lack of human connection has taken a toll on everyone, including empaths.

We’re used to our friends calling us for advice or talking about their feelings because we’re reliable and always give a shoulder to cry on. This time, however, it’s just harder to reach your close ones physically and emotionally. As empaths, we worry when it’s clear that they’re suffering but even more when we feel they’re not vocal enough with their feelings.

Either way, we’re caught in a loop of trying to distance ourselves from potential triggers and then feeling guilty for being selfish and ignorant.

Failing Coping Mechanisms

Everyone has their ways of dealing with excessive stress and a feeling of heavy shoulders that comes with empathy. For some, like me, writing our heart out helps. I don’t keep a daily journal, which I feel I should start doing soon, but I do write daily. It’s either poems or articles like this one. Even if it’s not about mental health, it gives me a sense of relaxation and productivity, diverting my attention. But lately, it hasn’t been helping much. You need to research and read to be able to write effectively, and it’s not always fun to come across heart-breaking writings. Not only writing but other coping-mechanisms are failing to offer any help. This recent tweet from Steven Spohn, COO of The AbleGamers Charity, and an advocate for differently-abled people sums it all up.

Often, drugs are used by empaths as a coping mechanism that is highly dangerous and not helpful in the long run. Also, social distancing and excessive empathy have put people at high risk for relapsing. It’s important to check in on our empathetic and former addict friends and give them all the support and love we can.

Lack of Trigger Warnings

This is one of the main reasons I hate being on social media. People share all sorts of stories and news on their accounts to spread awareness and voice their opinions with the best intentions, but they forget to put trigger warnings or are not aware of its importance. There have been many times when I scroll through my Instagram feed and see or read something heart-wrenching that does not leave my mind for hours or days. Most of these times, I’ve cried.

There’s an easy way out of this sudden exposure to something that might trigger you which is leaving social media for a few days. But is it easy, though? You always feel left out of the world of the internet, which is an addiction giving drugs a hard time. It’s solely upon us to take the goodbye route for a few weeks or spread awareness about the importance of trigger warning ourselves and hope everyone listens and understands.

Some people confuse empaths for HSPs(Highly Sensitive People) because they are, in fact, highly sensitive, but not all highly sensitive people are necessarily empaths. If you struggle to make sense of your overwhelming emotions or understand what an empath is genuinely like, Highly Sensitive Refuge’s informative article ’13 Signs That You’re an Empath’ might help you put things in perspective.

There is always therapy for anyone wanting to talk their heart out and make sense of their overflowing emotions. But it’s okay if you’re not ready for that. Read articles and studies from renowned Psychologists or follow them on social media. There is an Instagram account run by Bhavya Kulshreshtha, A Therapist from India, that I’ve been following for a month now. It has managed to put a smile on my face when I most need it and helped me realize that I don’t need to shut out my empathy completely.

The only way to stay in control and not let the time bomb blow up is to fuel it less, which might hold a different meaning for different people. For now, affirm yourself that this might not be the best time to be an empath but not the worst one either.