Do This When the Narcissist Starts Stonewalling You
Because this is the one thing that will cause them to call their own bluff.
What are the most notorious methods of punishment a narcissist uses?
- discards
- stonewalling (silent treatments)
- the need for “space”
- grey rocking
- ghosting
- initiating NC (no contact)
But why do you think that is?
Why would these methods be their go-to’s, in each and every relationship? Because this is what works on them.
This is what hurts them the most. Why? Because all of these strategies involve the withholding of attention.
Attention Is An Expensive Form of Currency
Your attention is the most expensive form of currency you will ever give a narcissist, especially in relationships.
Attention comes in many forms:
- gifts
- compliments
- money
- quality time
- energy
- arguments
- genuine love
All of this is attention. This is how energy vampires are fed. This is their currency because attention is love to a narcissist. There is no difference between the two.
Attention is the greatest “I love you” you can give a narcissist
Because they were starved of it as children.
They were used to abusive:
- parents
- family
- peers
who usually pulled back their kindness, efforts, or affection abusively; usually once they felt comfortable after an abusive period.
Therefore, the reason they pull back from you once you get comfortable is to beat you to the punch.
They pull back before you do in fear, and to maintain control over preventing you from doing it to them, first.
They’re afraid you’ll blindside them by pulling away and going cold, unprovoked. So their solution is to begin the power play,
Unprovoked.
Hidden in Plain Sight
Let’s talk specifically about stonewalling.
stone·wall·ing
adjective
- to delay or block (a request, process, or person) by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies, especially in politics.
Stonewalling is a preferred method of punishment, and condition, among most narcissists.
The trauma behind being ignored is ceasing to exist to someone while still actively being alive. It’s an emotional optical illusion that ends in pain.
It’s an active death and the complete opposite of attention — indifference. Even worse than that? It’s intentional indifference. But there’s an unexpected catch to their strategy.
They’ve been exposing directly to you what destroys them
By implementing these strategies with you, they have actually been handing you the key to their destruction. It’s been hidden in exactly how they try to destroy you.
They get away with it because you’re too busy fighting to function in survival mode, to think straight long enough to pay closer attention.
Otherwise, you would’ve realized they’ve been exposing their weaknesses to you the whole time.
Yes. All of that withholding —
- love
- affection
- attention
- quality time, and
- intimacy
from you works for them…
because it works on them.
You’ve Had the Answers All Along
Have you ever noticed when you’re the one who’s angry or upset the rules suddenly change?
Suddenly they don’t want you to have space or to detach from the, but it’s okay for them to do it to you.
Some of them will even justify it by telling you —
We’re two different people.
Fuck that.
The truth is they can’t handle it when you do what they do. They don’t want to face the same repercussions you face.
They can’t handle when you remove:
- your attention
- your energy
- your presence
It forces them to confront the truth; they are the ones who actually can’t live without you.
They need your attention
It’s them that need you more than you need them, even if you don’t yet realize that. They panic because they know exactly how badly it hurts to be ignored.
They’re familiar with that same sense of panic. Especially, if you do it in response to them ignoring you.
Keep calm in a narcissistic crisis.
No matter how bad it hurts:
- Let them ignore you
- Do not chase them
- Remain silent
Especially if they initiated the silent treatment because it will put them in crisis mode, causing them to call their own bluff.
Watch.
© Linda Sharp 2022. All Rights Reserved.
