This is How to Recognize the Un-lived Life Within You

Wisdom from Steven Pressfield

The life I live is rigid and scheduled. I’m constantly conscious of time, for I know that it, along with my energy, is finite.

When I awaken, everything in me desires to stay in bed — relish in the secure warmth and calm, restful state.

Yet, I know I must arise and start my day. I know I must get to work.

There is excitement to do my work. Write stories. Hone my craft. Learn through writing groups and workshops calls.

There is also a great deal of Resistance. Its presence is ever-present.

Writing isn’t easy for me. I’m slow and still learning. Keeping my perfectionism at bay is a daily test of my will. Publish or perfect, publish or perfect?

Reality Check

The thing is, I’m the CEO. I’m the boss and also the employee. My say is both the genesis and conclusion. I work for myself.

No one else is telling me what to do with my day. Sure, I have accountability partners from my writing community, but I won’t face punishment or scolding if my work isn’t done.

Each morning, when I jot down the list of my activities and tasks, they’re mostly related to writing, learning the craft, and growing my business. Self-care activities of meditation, journaling, yoga or hiking, finances, and household chores typically make up the rest of my daily to-do lists.

A few times a week, there are typical errands or problems related to our home or aging pets — the ordinary tasks of life to embrace.

The life I live is relatively separate from society due to Covid. My husband is immune-compromised, and we take precautions seriously. We aren’t hosting friends for meals or games. We bundle errands and only tend to go out of the house one to two times a week.

Answering the Big Question

The life I live when I sit back and analyze is structured and isolated. Predictable. Maybe a bit boring. I take little time, if any, to sit and ponder my heart’s desire or what would bring me joy.

99% of my interaction with other humans consists of daily life with my husband and a few Zoom calls with my writing community.

I don’t watch television or spend much time on social media outside of posting my work or a brief check-in on my friends. My sleep schedule is consistent at eight hours every night.

This sounds like a mundane sitcom about to be canceled for lack of drama or emotional connection.

Is this the life I really want?

As I read Steven Pressfield’s quote this morning, it took my breath.

Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the un-lived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.

A Special Kind of Surrender

A year and a half ago, I quit my corporate job, sold most of my belongings, and moved to Panama to take a healing sabbatical and begin to write. I wanted off the corporate hamster wheel and to give it a go on my own. Tell my story. Inspire others.

I craved an adventure. I yearned for freedom from others dictating the priority of my time, talents, and energy. My mind and body were exhausted, and I longed to simplify and rest.

It takes a special kind of surrender to move internationally. It’s what I felt I needed to get away from the busyness and reckless consumption.

After our arrival, I took ten months off to get settled. I wanted time to learn our new country and town, language and social subtleties — to feel comfortable and nest.

I committed to digging deeper into my emotional and spiritual growth to heal childhood wounds. I focused on my recovery program and spent lots of time in nature.

In those ten months, I lived the un-lived life I had previously only lived a few weeks per year while on vacation.

I started writing in April, and everything changed.

There are intricacies and nuances, specific do’s, don’ts, and appropriateness to learn and follow. I was new, yet I wanted to be good. To do it right. To win.

I was beginning a new, creative endeavor that was supposed to be healing and fun, and I quickly turned it into a competitive chore focused on specific outcomes.

I’m in charge of crafting my daily schedule, and I’ve basically recreated my 9–5. Reverted to what I know. What was seemingly successful in past roles, I pulled forward and implemented.

All this to say, I created the rigid, structured life I live today.

Oh, the irony.

Learning What I Left Behind

When I daydreamed about being my own boss, the most potent allure was that I would magically have more time.

I would have time to be spontaneous, time to be playful, and adventurous. I could read great books, go on all-day hikes, meander off to the beach, or take afternoon naps. Time and space seemed infinite.

When left to my own devices, I recreated what I knew. Set a goal, layout the actions to achievement, organize the tasks into priorities, keep my head down, and do the work.

This is the life I live and the exact life I was hell-bent on escaping from when I decided to move abroad.

Recently, I’ve struggled to see my path to success. I have a handful of audacious ideas, and I can picture the actions, repetition, and dependencies. Yet, I’m challenged to visualize how it all shakes out.

I lack faith in what I cannot see or touch.

I lack faith in myself.

Classic Resistance.

The un-lived life within me knows that happiness comes from the delicate harmony of rest, play, and purpose.

My un-lived life calls for ease and moderation. It aches for unstructured time of freedom to follow my desires of the day.

Every human carries a dreamy mental image of genuine contentment. I am no exception.

My opportunity is balancing the realities of the day-to-day with the whispers of who I know I was meant to be — being witness to and honoring my purpose while also taking time to find joy in the mundane.

All the times in my past where I chose work over play, to-do list tasks over conversation and connection, certainty over adventure — this is the disconnected life I’m striving to recognize and eliminate.

Surrender is not my default tendency. And yet, I know within the marrow of my bones when I let go of control, the results are more incredible than I could ever imagine.

Rebecca Murauskas is a work-life integration coach and Medium writer. She and her husband Adam abandoned their careers and moved to Panamá in 2019 to pursue passions for helping people heal. Take the free Time Saver Quiz and find weekly content on YouTube @rebeccamurauskas.