This Is How I Dealt With the Pain of Grief After I Lost My Best Friend

Love is never lost, it always comes around and beats inside our hearts.

Pic Credit: Author (Being a foodie, we loved eating outside)

Grief can sometimes run deeper than we can ever imagine. It hides in the deep crevices of the heart and erupts in lonely times.

Death was not new to me. It took away my best friend from school, close cousin, loving grandparents, beloved aunt, and then my best(est) friend.

His death hit me the hardest.

We Can Never Be Too Ready for the Unwelcome Guest, Death

My favorite person. An emergency getaway for me. A soft-spoken and soft-hearted person. I never imagined he would be gone too soon.

It is difficult to imagine his battle in the ICU room for more than a month during COVID times. The sudden news of his demise when he was recovering and was moved from the ICU to the regular ward overwhelmed me.

My heart sometimes still remembers what his father said after his demise, “He said to me — I am too tired to carry on, papa.”

Shock, questions, and confusion happen when we lose our loved ones. Resisting it is the biggest mistake most people make.

When the news of his demise came, my confusion graph went up and down. Sometimes I could not believe it and wished it was just a prank. But when realization would dawn, I would drown in the pool of tears.

Giving time, private space, and silence to myself helped me.

I didn’t fight with my emotions, however illogical it might seem to my mind. But I openly welcomed all of them.

I was angry at him for leaving us so soon. I blamed him for not taking care of himself and being so careless. Tears flowed in helplessness and hurt.

Running away and hiding my emotions would have been easy.

Drowning in overwork would only procrastinate the pain but not heal it.

But being on the spiritual path for decades helped me to accept my actual emotional conditions. I knew I didn’t have to hold on to all the pain and bear with it. I had to provide a channel for it to flow through tears, crying, or anything.

Immense agony would tear my heart. But all the pain and hurt needed to go out.

The off-on game of distraction and acceptance went on like a pendulum. Patience and love helped me to accept and soothe my exploding pain.

Helping Others Deal With Their Grief Helped Me

Two months before his death, my school friend contacted me out of the blue. She confided her father is fighting the last stage of liver disease, and doctors have given up hope.

We talked often. Sometimes just listening to her, other times guiding her on how to do her best. I could feel her pain and could not leave her in the middle of her crisis.

Another school friend contacted me during those times. Her father was also suffering from COVID. She contacted me to get advice.

Helping them was not easy. They were dealing with their intense emotions. I was struggling to know the status of my best friend.

They all died within a gap of a few weeks. After that, it became more challenging for me.

But helping them, somewhere, ease my wounds.

It helped me recognize that we all are in the same boat.

As a human, we all are vulnerable and need support. We all deal with similar emotions and can get stuck without guidance.

We all can be a healing step for each other, even if the other doesn’t know.

Talking To His Loved Ones Was Therapeutic

Immediately after his death, I pulled up all my courage to call his father. I knew his closeness to his father was remarkable. At our first call, he could only say, “My son was the best.”

His helplessness smashed my heart again. I could not bear to listen ‘was.’ Tears again engulfed me.

How could he become ‘was’ when I still felt him alive in my heart? Do the death of the body all that is? What then?

I knew the answers to these questions. I had my experiences with dead people. In the past, I was a medium for many. Despite that, I didn’t interrupt the question, grief, and confusion from coming to the surface.

Watching his father’s condition, I decided to remain in his contact. Sometimes we talked for more than an hour, sharing our memories. On other calls, there would be long pauses and silence.

I was satisfied to see his father’s recovery. Seeing his progress gave me hope and the strength to move on.

At that time, I also deliberately contacted his friends.

I called each of his close friends to know how they were coping. Although the talk was brief, I was delighted to talk to his close friends. Because I knew how worried he used to be about his friends.

I also formed a WhatsApp group with all his close friends so we could share our pain and memories. We all shared his videos and audio to honor what an exceptional person he was.

Final thoughts

It is not easy to lose a loved one. We all do our best to overcome it. While dealing with my intense grief, I gave myself plenty of space, rest, and time.

Healing takes time, and rushing or ignoring the feelings would be the worst way to deal with the crisis.

It has been more than a year. Pain and grief have become less intense. But tears still roll down. But now, smiles and gratitude often come when I see his photo or come across his video.

The life of one we love is never lost. Its influence goes through every life it ever touched. — Katie Ashley