This is How Feminism Has Benefited Me as a Man

It’s not something men should be fighting to suppress — instead, it should be celebrated.

I’m part of Gen X, which generally still upholds traditional gender roles — you know, the man has the “career,” and the woman mostly tends to the kids and household duties.

However, since society is shifting slowly towards valuing women more, feminism is not something to be feared by the opposite sex.

Since I started working from home nine years ago, one could say I’ve become more like a 1950s housewife.

However, to divide the chores up more evenly (and to make sure things don’t get missed), my spouse and I have developed a “portfolio” system. We follow it with some tongue-in-cheek, but it actually works.

For example, my portfolio includes emptying/loading the dishwasher, taking out the trash, sweeping, vacuuming, cooking, and feeding/walking the dog.

My wife’s massage clinic keeps her busy a lot of the time — but she still handles laundry (her choice, but I at least put it away), cooking, as well as fitting in quality parenting time.

Sharing chores makes them easier

When you share the responsibilities like this, there’s less chance of resentment. I would not be content to do all of the housework and not have any time for my creative pursuits, such as street photography.

My wife likes to spend time with her work colleagues and watch her shows, and that’s more than fair to me.

We both know we can go out occasionally or spend a day away from home without worrying if the other person is angry about it. That is not healthy for either party.

I know some men think I’m “whipped” or whatever the 90s equivalent is for being called a simp. But I can assure you I don’t take responsibility for the household chores to score points with my wife. I’m already perfect to her (right, honey?)

Besides, research has shown that men doing housework are more attractive to women. So that whole “be a bad boy that occasionally checks in” strategy to impress women is quickly wearing off.

Here are some other solid ways that feminism has been good for me since I stopped trying to follow the traditional male model:

The burden of finances is lighter

There have been times when I had more steady employment than my wife.

But during the times that I held down a full-time corporate position, my wife was able to put more energy into developing her massage practice.

Now, I stay at home writing stuff like this while my wife goes to her own clinic to treat clients. She is now bringing home more money than I am — but it’s allowing me to boost my presence with my writing.

So you can see that we’ve both allowed each other to grow professionally. I haven’t tried to prevent her from success in any way, and now she’s doing well.

If more men would allow their partners to explore a career by taking more burden of housekeeping and child-rearing, they’d see it takes pressure off them to perform all the time.

However, a lot of men’s egos still make them upset if their spouse is the breadwinner.

To be fair, it took me a while to adjust — I felt like a failure when I stopped earning as much, and I still consider taking a corporate job occasionally out of guilt. But it’s working well right now for both of us.

Other than earning money, men have also traditionally been the ones in charge of the money. That means deciding how to spend it and how to invest it.

I took on more responsibility for tracking our finances early on in our relationship. I assumed it was part of my job as a man. I still am the one who makes sure the bills are paid, but my partner has a much more active role in our overall financial picture.

We make decisions about money together now. I also don’t try to hide “bad news” from her like I used to (for example, if we were going to bounce a payment. I tried to silently find solutions first.) That was a big source of stress for me that’s been lightened.

If your wife is making good money, owns her own business, or is in a traditionally male power position, consider yourself a lucky man. Women don’t need us for money anymore, so they’re with us now for our charm and looks (presumably.)

I bonded more with our son

When our son was born in 2014, my partner and I both took paid parental leave (which is an employment benefit here in Canada.) She took the first six months so the child could get used to feeding, as well as adjusting to a new sleep schedule.

I took the second half of the year off. It was a challenge for me to be in charge of a tiny human being, but I’m a better human for it. I’ve learned how to be more patient, more grateful, and also how to function on less sleep.

Sure, I still find parenting challenging most of the time, but I have developed a strong bond with our son without being an authoritative male. He still listens to me when I ask him to do something, but we love to play and joke around together.

I am able to be open to him about the world, and he, in turn, is open to us about his world.

My own father did (and still does) a good job being a dad to my late brother and me.

However, he was part of the generation that was completely focused on his work, taking business trips to far-off countries — and his role was squarely to support the household financially.

He still took us places and played with us, but to be fair, he didn’t have the time or energy to be present all the time.

My mom went back to work when I was 12, and after that time, I bonded more with my dad. I already have a good headstart with my own son in that department.

There’s more trust in the relationship

If you watch a show like Mad Men, it tells us that men working all day in offices often had flings on the side.

That was the stereotype back then: having an affair was none of your wife’s business — after all, the man is making all the money, so she should be grateful, right?

There’s no doubt that affairs still happen regularly at workplaces and elsewhere. However, ladies, if your man treats you as an equal, are you less suspicious if he works late?

On the other hand, if he’s a guy who doesn’t announce where he’s going to be or doesn’t value you enough to keep you in the loop, then I think it’s fair to question his motives. (Men, ask yourself if you’d be worried if your partner suddenly started disappearing without notice. Some men would probably demand to know where she’s been.)

However, if you have an equal partnership (that can only come from listening and working things out together), then there’s less reason to be paranoid about your partner cheating.

This is a win-win: it’s not nice to be suspected of cheating (especially if you’re not), and it’s also unpleasant to suspect your partner has a secret girlfriend.

Feminism has helped to close the communication gap and reduce the number of involved men who think they can get up to whatever they wish on a given day.

Men’s rights activism is misguided

The rise of women’s status in recent decades has made a lot of traditional men scared.

“Men’s rights activists” think their masculine power has been stripped from them and that feminism is bad for males. (These same men complain that women’s standards have become too high, and they can’t get a date.)

However, as women gain more power and independence, it is good for all of humanity. Sure, men might have to bring more to the table to find a partner, but is that a bad thing? It means that women are no longer accepting trash partners who may abuse them, and men have another reason to better themselves.

Men are still allowed to desire women, but feminism fights back against the entitlement of getting them. Men have to do more than just “act like men” to win their affection now, and that should be a welcome challenge.

Feminism doesn’t mean we can’t advocate and cheer on boys and men. We need to pay more attention to men’s mental health, as an example. We need to teach our boys that they can have nice things, but they will have to earn them like anyone else. On that note, we also need to celebrate positive male role models more often that demonstrate equality.

The current male “role models” like Jordan Peterson are not leading men into the promised land. They are essentially making arguments against why women should be respected like men, even though they claim not to be anti-feminist.

Feminism is quietly empowering men, too

It’s a faulty argument to say that feminism is pushing men down.

Healthy feminism strives to improve everyone’s chances at a happier life, not just the men in powerful positions like billionaire Elon Musk (who wants women to have way more babies, by the way.)

I feel more secure with domestic life now that some of the traditional weight of being a “man” has been lifted off me. I still like to do man things like carry around heavy objects when necessary — but I also know my partner is there to carry me, and vice versa.

Listen, if you’re a woman looking for a “traditional” man who makes all the money, does none of the chores, and limits your role to childcare, then go for it.

There are still a lot of men out there who would happily fill these positions. But ladies — you deserve more from life — and it’s time you let yourself believe that.

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