This Book Made Me a Happier Parent
Rachel Bertsche’s The Kids Are in Bed encourages parents to make the most of our free moments
I am a stay-at-home mom of a two-year-old and a four-year old. I work part time and homeschool. This sounds busy, yet this book helped me to take stock of my time and recognize that I actually do have more time than I thought.
Bertsche challenges parents to take ownership of the small segments of time we have. Even though parents typically have less time than single people, we do have moments here and there: nap times, early mornings, bedtimes, moments when our kids are playing peacefully or when our spouse has the kids. As Berstche points out, many parents squander these free moments by staring mindlessly at our phones.
Bertsche’s major concept is that we think ahead about what we want to do with our free moments. She encourages readers to make lists of activities we find rejuvenating so that we don’t have to spend time deciding what we are going to do when the kids finally fall asleep.
Just the act of making the lists was energizing. It made me take stock of what I actually want to be doing with my time.
If I’m indoors, my list looks something like this:
- Make a cup of tea
- Read a chapter from a book
- Study a language
- Listen to a Podcast
- Journal
- Write creatively for Medium
If I’m outside, my list looks something like this:
- Go to Goodwill or another thrift shop
- Go to the library and browse the new books section
- Go to a coffeeshop and journal
- Browse a bookstore, take photos of books that interest me, and request them via interlibrary loan
- Go for a run by the beach
One thing that all of these activities have in common is that they are not work. They are not doing the dishes, cleaning the house, grading papers, or booking doctors appointments. These are things that I want to do because I find them inherently rewarding. They get me more deeply in touch with who I am and what I am thinking and feeling. All of them open up broader horizons than the four walls of my apartment.
As I began to claim free moments to do things I wanted to do, I recognized the potential to build even more of these activities into my daily life.
I began taking an early-morning Vietnamese class before the kids wake up with a tutor in Vietnam via the language-learning app italki. Improved language skills have strengthened my connection to my husband’s family’s Vietnamese culture and empowered me to help my kids learn the language as well.
I started writing articles on Medium. I write during nap times and at night and I also write in a notebook while my kids play at the park. Joining Medium has helped me refine my voice as a writer and has connected me to a wonderful community.
I decided to join a gym that has childcare. Now, I can take my kids along with me to the gym and enjoy a child-free hour of lifting weights or taking a yoga class. I can also meet up with my husband and have an workout date with him after work, childfree!
Before reading Bertsche’s book, I didn’t really think about what I wanted to be doing. I just assumed I didn’t have time. I also carried a lot of guilt about pursuing my own interests during a time of life when my family needs so much from me. Reading this book helped me give myself permission to do things I want to be doing, without apologizing for it.
The Kids Are in Bed encouraged me to think strategically about my time and claim moments to develop my interests and refresh my spirit. I am a happier parent as a result.
What would you put on your list of things you would do if you had the time? Where might you find the time to pursue these interests? Are there any books that have made your life as a parent better?
Bertsche, Rachel. The Kids Are in Bed: Finding Time for Yourself in the Chaos of Parenting. Plume, 2020.
