This Book Gave Me The Strength To Survive

Nancy Saltzman is a Radical Survivor who went through an unimaginable tragedy. Her story gave me hope.

If someone could survive losing her husband and two sons, surely I could survive the loss of my husband.

Radical Survivor

I don’t remember when I first read Nancy Saltzman’s memoir, Radical Survivor. I think Amazon must have offered the book as an Amazon First Read, which meant I could essentially rent it for free. I know I read it on my Kindle, and I no longer had the book when my husband died. I do remember it made a significant impression on me.

In September 1995, Nancy was happily married to the love of her life, Joel. She had survived breast cancer, and they felt fortunate. They spent a weekend in Las Vegas watching The Davis Cup with their sons Adam, 13, and Seth, who turned 11 during the trip.

The family had flown separately from Colorado since Joel, and the boys had the opportunity to ride in a small plane with an acquaintance. Nancy took commercial flights since she decided to go after Joel made the travel plans for him and the boys.

The family had a great weekend together, and Nancy flew home a few hours before Joel and the boys were planning to leave. In the evening, Nancy was waiting for them to return home when she received the call telling her the plane had not arrived when expected. Within a few hours, she received a second call confirming the plane crash.

There were no survivors.

A mother’s worst nightmare

There was no reason for me to connect with Nancy’s story. I had no personal experience with tragedy. I was happily married with two children of my own. I think I identified with her as a mother. I couldn’t imagine how she could go on if she lost her husband and her children. I didn’t think I would be strong enough to survive in a similar situation.

Right after Easter in 2016, my husband and children took a day trip to California's Central Coast. On the drive home, there are 45–60 miles with limited cell phone coverage. I hadn’t heard from them when expected, and I remember briefly imagining the worst. And I knew if something did happen to them, my world would be shattered.

Legacy

Nancy has a large extended family who immediately surrounded her. She was an elementary school principal and quickly went back to work to keep herself busy and be around people.

Nancy was well-loved, and her community of friends and family gave her strength. Still, she went home alone every night and kept moving forward. Each day, Nancy got up and went to work.

She honored the memory of her husband and sons and did things to celebrate their life. A memorial amphitheater was built at her elementary school to honor the family.

I believe the people who came forward to share what an impact her husband and sons had on their lives helped Nancy. Joel was well-known in the tennis community and owned a popular tennis shop. People she had never met came forward to share stories.

Each of the boys had classmates who reached out to Nancy to share memories. They all leaned on each other to survive.

My loss

On April 20, 2016, my husband Patrick was hit and killed while on an early morning bike ride. As awful as that day was, I went through it with my two daughters.

I thought of Nancy many times throughout the day, and I reminded myself she had lost much more than I had, and she survived. I knew I could too.

Patrick was a physical therapist, and after he died, I heard from some of his patients who shared stories of the difference he had made in their lives. One even said she didn’t think she would be walking if it weren’t for him.

These were great stories my daughters enjoyed also.

In the years since then, the girls and I have leaned on each other to not only survive but thrive. We have each challenged ourselves to build meaningful lives, and I think we all view what we have chosen to do as a way to honor him. I became a Professional Clinical Counselor, Sierra will finish law school in 2021, and Camille is preparing to apply to medical school.

Moving forward

Nancy went on to survive a second bout with breast cancer. She continued her career in education and continues to touch the lives of others. She eventually remarried and is doing well.

I reached out to Nancy on Facebook after Patrick died to let her know how much her book meant to me. She responded, and we became Facebook friends. I know she reads some of my updates because she will like or comment on them, and I do the same for hers.

Reach out

If you haven’t experienced the loss of an acquaintance who touched your life, you are fortunate. If you have or if you do in the future, make sure you take a few moments to reach out to their loved ones and share the impact they had on you. Nancy and I both can tell you how much this will mean to those who are left behind.

Nancy’s book is available on the Amazon website. I do not have an affiliate link.