This Album Helped Me Overcome My Social Anxiety

How Childish Gambino’s “Because the Internet” helped me navigate the difficult transition between high school and college

A close friend introduced me to Childish Gambino when I was in high school. They described him as “the musician alter-ego of that Black guy on that one show white people like.”

They played me the song “Heartbeat” from his first album, Camp.

I liked the song but it didn’t make me a fan. Other, more important pop culture events soon eclipsed this introduction, like Whitney Houston’s death and the ending of the Twilight saga.

I rediscovered his music a year later, in 2013, when I was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Studying While Anxious

I was a freshman in college. My social anxiety made the transition to campus life insufferable. Conversations with new people terrified me.

So, I never spoke unless spoken to. I spent hours at the library postponing going back to the dorm. Every weekend, I went back to my parent’s house.

I considered dropping out.

At the library, I turned to the internet. College was the first time I explored the internet freely. Online interactions were way less stressful than face-to-face. I was introduced to so many new people, places, and artists — including Childish Gambino.

In anticipation of his new album Because the Internet, I spent weeks listening to his catalog. This included his many mixtapes and Camp. Soon after, I finally made the connection between Childish Gambino and my friend’s introduction the previous year.

I thought, “This can’t be the guy off of Community…really?!”

Because the Internet dropped right before winter break. By the time I went back to school in mid-January, it was all I listened to.

The single “3005” was one of my favorites.

It felt like a modern wedding dance song. What else would I want to publicly proclaim to my life partner besides, “Fuck these other niggas, I’ll be right your side ‘till 3005.”

It’s All Because of the Internet

In a 2013 interview for Exclaim, Childish Gambino explains titling the album Because the Internet:

“Because the internet I’m here, because of the internet we’re all here. It’s the language of earth. Everyone keeps saying by this or that year, Mandarin or Spanish will be the most dominant language, but the internet is already a language we are all connected to.”

Everything I am is because of the internet. It was and continues to be the only place I can freely explore my identity and express myself.

I have always felt out of place. I’m a Black woman sharing a city with statues of Confederate leaders.

My identity and my environment are in constant conflict with each other.

I wouldn’t have realized the foundation of who I am if I didn’t have the internet. YouTubers taught me how to take care of my natural hair. I met some of my closest friends on Tumblr and Twitter. I learned about other cities through Google Maps.

I was constantly called “weird” for being on the internet so much. Seeing someone admit the internet’s impact on them meant a lot to me.

Because the Internet was the soundtrack of my formative years. It also ended up being the pick-axe I needed to break the ice between myself and my dormmates.

Breaking the Ice

I bought a speaker and an auxiliary cord over winter break and started listening to Because the Internet out loud in my dorm room.

The song I replayed the most was “The Worst Guys.”

It featured another new artist I couldn’t get enough of: Chance the Rapper.

Listening to Because the Internet dampened my nerves. When I felt particularly brave, I’d leave the door to my dorm room open. The beats of Because the Internet flowed through the hallways and I felt free.

When I stopped avoiding the dorm, I started meeting people. They stopped by, complimented my music, and even asked me for recommendations.

The conversations were awkward at first. But, with each conversation, I slowly became a part of the community. This leads to me making friends, participating in dorm activities, and deciding that this college was a place I was going to stay.

Because the Internet kept me company when I had no one else. When I wandered the streets of my college town alone, I listened to “Pink Toes”. To calm myself when I entered my campus’s crowded student center, I listened to “Worldstar”.

The album gave me a welcoming place to escape to. There, I could be the purest, most authentic form of self— until I could find the courage to make it my reality.

A big thank you to Noah Levy for the great prompt. Music lovers, be sure to check out the prompt and write your own response.

Nia Simone McLeod is a writer, content creator, and pop culture enthusiast from Richmond, Virginia. Follow her on Twitter, Tumblr, or Instagram for more dope digital content. She runs a weekly newsletter focused on inspiring creators of color.