Drastically Change Your Life in 5 Steps

It all starts with your values.

Often, we think of one big event changing our life. But, how about viewing change as the sum of many things that culminate in the oft-desired 180?

In 2014, I left an abusive marriage and boarded a plane to Korea. The year before that, I changed the way I ate and went vegan. January 2020, I quit teaching children and became a full-time performer.

There’s a lot of change in my life. Some would call it instability, but pish posh. Many of us are overly obsessed with being stable that we let self-actualization slip through our fingers.

And, if there’s anything COVID-19 has taught us is that job security is a farce.

I don’t own a home like a lot of my friends back in Canada do.

I am a divorcée — although, my love life is the best it’s ever been.

I don’t have children —maybe, I’ll explore that option one day; maybe, I won’t.

By the above standards, I am not a success.

But, even with all those three things checked, many people find personal fulfillment elusive.

One thing I do have is flexibility: I change when I need to. I also now follow my intuition and acknowledge fear without letting it dictate my decisions.

I realized that my ability to change with the seasons stems from my quest for the extraordinary. I am “unstable,” because I am an idealist. The fact that we have one life to live is at the forefront of my mind, and I want to make a huge dent in it— even though I sometimes get anxious in the process. I fear failure, but I more so fear living a life where I never bet on myself.

If you too want to change your life drastically, read on. At 32, I haven’t reached the apex of success. But, I’ve made significant life changes in the last six years, and I’d love to share how I did it.

Determine your values

As mentioned earlier, one of my values is to live an extraordinary life. But, that needs to be broken down further. I value all aspects of health (mental, spiritual, physical and financial), creativity, love and freedom. So, the extraordinary, to me, looks like a life of full-time performance, exploration and financial independence with my loved ones — preferably, in a warm climate.

What do you value?

In order to get clear on your values, start by envisioning what a perfect typical day would look like for you. Write down every detail — from the moment you open your eyes in the morning until the moment you lay your head down to rest at night. Then, identify the values behind the happenings. Make a list of those values. You’ll thus be able to determine if the way you’re currently living honors your values. If it doesn’t, you can take steps to bridge the gap. Drastically changing your life isn’t easy. Letting go of the familiar will be no walk in the park. But, it can be done.

Building a life around your values will help you conquer your fear of making big moves. Let your values lead the way, not your fears.

According to Buddhist principles, we’re allowing the monkey brain, the inner critic, to lead when we refuse to take on the unknown. The monkey brain is the part of the brain that stifles creativity and inhibits the pursuit of new challenges and passions.

In a capitalist society that values productivity over well-being, we often multi-task, hunched over by the weight of stress. That primal part of the brain that reacts to stressors (by fighting or fleeing) therefore gets overworked.

Naturally, there will be some resistance. So, it is helpful to start small.

We don’t build a life that aligns with our values overnight. It’s easy to give up if the task seems grandiose. This next step will keep the act of changing your life in the realm of the possible.

Determine the habits that support those values

The task of drastically changing your life can seem daunting. But it is less so when you identify daily habits that honor your values.

Under each value, write down daily or weekly habits that align with it. Be specific. For example, you value physical health, you could write: “drink eight glasses of water a day, go for a walk, eat x number of portions of fruit a day.” Write clear actionable steps, as opposed to things like “go on a diet.” You want to write down tasks that are easy to check off the list daily or weekly.

Before retiring from teaching, I was performing twice or thrice weekly, watching performance videos, doing vocal exercises, taking burlesque classes, posting singing videos to Instagram and pitching myself to venues. The income I made as a singer was thus able to match my teacher salary.

Sometimes, you’ll need alternatives. For example, if you value a life of travel, you can’t really go across the pond right now because of COVID-19. And, maybe your current finances aren’t able to sustain the type of travel you’d ideally want to do — even after COVID-19. How can you integrate learning about different cultures into your everyday life and/or satisfy your sense of adventure in the meanwhile? You could go on road trips, join Facebook travel groups, or try out new recipes from different countries.

It’s okay to look to the future. Actually, please do. Let’s take my partner as an example. He values sustainability and freedom. He therefore intends on creating a desert oasis and adopting a mainly plastic-free lifestyle. Those are pretty lofty intentions, but under each one are a bunch of different habits he’s already started to implement— even though the desert oasis is still some years away.

What habits could you start today that’ll engender benefits that a future you will reap?

Learn new skills

Learning keeps life exciting. Also, some of your new value-honoring habits will require new skills.

Living with my ex-husband didn’t mesh with my “health” value, so I had to leave.

In order to leave, I needed a new source of income, as my translation business had failed.

Cue in teaching abroad.

I completed an online TEFL certificate. I went on job boards daily and applied for work abroad. I was then able to find a position and move to Korea two months later.

Acquiring new skills and knowledge broadens the scope of what you can do. You’ll thus open yourself up to new (potentially life-changing) opportunities.

Before going vegan, I had set out to identify the most optimal diet for us humans. Many documentaries later, while I do not think there is solely one way to eat, I discovered that a plant-based diet was more so my cup of tea.

Free resources are plentiful.

Ask yourself: Which habits could use further support? What new skill would align with x value?

Follow a routine

You have your values. You have your habits. You’ve pinpointed the skills you need to acquire. Now, you can build a routine including daily and weekly tasks, and schedule in time for learning.

Don’t try to fit everything into one day. It gets exhausting really quickly to try to shove innumerable elements into one 24-hour time frame. Make a schedule for yourself and practice discipline. You won’t always be motivated, but you can always practice discipline. Furthermore, give yourself some wiggle room. If you’ve penciled in three days of songwriting, and you’ve only done two by the end of the week, add in an extra day the following week.

Mentally record how it feels to complete everything on your schedule. Remember that sense of satisfaction every time you lack the motivation to continue.

Practice self-care religiously

Get into the habit of taking care of yourself, and you’ll be able to live more daringly. I say this because the more you show yourself love, the more you’ll be driven by your values, not your fears. Remember: Your monkey brain takes over when you are bogged down in stress.

How can you show yourself love?

I meditate. I journal. I have a glass of wine. I rest. I Facetime my loved ones. Those are just a few things.

What makes your mind, body and spirit feel good?

I’m not a subscriber of the thought that we each have the same 24 hours. Some of us have way more responsibilities, while others are born with a leg up. I will say, though, that by implementing this system, you will see change. And, yes, after some time, that change will be drastic. My music isn’t charting on Billboard — yet. But, when I reflect on my life six years ago, I see tremendous progress. With this system, you will too.