Thinking Back on an Unsustainable Diet in a 12-Step Program and a Dramatic Weight Loss

Going mostly carb-free and losing excessive weight in less than a year and my reflection on that turbulent time

Joining a 12-step program to lose weight as an adult

I went into a 12-step food program for food addicts. It was a low point in my life. My health wasn’t doing that great. I had a ton of pain, and I was severely obese. This sure sounds like my present condition, but I digress. It was a time for change for me.

I was resolved to lose weight and be considered a normal weight for the first time in my adult life. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from getting there. Plus, at the time, I was dating someone who wanted to do the same thing. We held each other accountable.

I was severely overweight, and I was desperate

I had hit a high of about 305–310 at the time and wanted to get healthy before the age of 30. I had come out as bi around that time and was dating someone else who was bi, too. We were both feeling unhealthy and were both overweight. Also, she was in another 12-step program at the time. She was an alcoholic and former drug addict as well. Doing this 12-step program would be very familiar to her, and she could guide me through the process of 12-step programs as well.

I’m not keen on overly structured programs. I did the program the way it was intended to do. But I don’t want to go through the details of what’s involved in the actual 12 steps. If you want to know what the 12 steps are, you can click here.

The main step I want to highlight that sold me on actually following through was the first step. Here’s how I looked at that point.

I bought in and followed the program well.

I was powerless over my addiction to food.

The flour and sugar that was contained in food was my drug of choice, and my health and weight had been struggling because of it. Abstaining from such food would allow my body to adjust and find a way to lose weight in a different way without getting too many carbs in a day.

I have a feeling that the program that they designed works a lot like a modified keto diet with a restricted caloric intake. My specific program focused on getting me two meals of large salads with a good amount of protein (fish, chicken, beef, or whatever else I cooked and prepped).

I also got the option to use salad dressing as long as it was fatty and didn’t have a ton of sugar in it. For breakfast, I ate plain yogurt and oatmeal with a little fruit. The program made me mindful of what I ate.

The twelve steps were just a package deal to get to my target weight

I had a sponsor like in any twelve-step program. I had to call him once a day around the same time. It kept me on a schedule. I’d have to wake up at a reasonable time and had to eat my meals at the same time every day. At first, I got hungry late and was tempted to eat another meal. I remembered that I couldn’t, and I just let my stomach rumble me to sleep.

Once I got used to it, and my body felt like it was in full ketosis, I didn’t need anything more than my regular meals. The weight just started falling off. I was losing weight much faster than my girlfriend, who, at the time, kept cheating on her program and wasn’t losing weight as fast as I was.

I became a true success story for myself and for the program itself. I got to the point where I’d attend meetings and get a chance to tell my own story as the featured speaker. It was an honor to get to do this. I hadn’t thought of myself as much of a public speaker, but people loved hearing what I had to say.

The longer I was following my program and doing the things I needed to do, the more opportunities I got like that, and the more weight kept coming off. After about seven months in the program and no cheating at all, it was my birthday month.

I had dropped below 200 pounds for the first time in my adult life.

I was at work that day. At the time, I worked at a bar, and my bar owner wanted me to do shots for my birthday.

No shots for my birthday, especially as I was barreling toward my goal weight

I wasn’t allowed to do shots because of the strict program I was on, and I asked if I could just drink something sugar-free or just water. I seemed like a bummer to everyone else and him, but I was turning 30, and I was lighter, healthier, and keen to continue to stay slimmer.

I was almost overly obsessive at this point. I’m sure that one or two shots wouldn’t have done anything to me in the long run.

I was just so set on completing and continuing to do the program as long as I could. This 12-step program wasn’t just a thing you did and then completed. The people had the program modified for them once they reached their goal. I’d reached my goal much earlier than I expected and by

September, a month later, that year, I was at my target weight of 185 pounds.

Now that I had reached my goal, I wanted to cheat, especially since I was very active.

I’d done it, I succeeded and actually worked my way to my goal weight. That’s when the thoughts started to creep in. Could I cheat? Would it make a difference?

I’m sure I could have just one burger and not feel guilty. After all, at that point, I was working hard. I had gotten a job working in a warehouse for Walmart, helping with their remodel at the time.

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do that job before I lost all the weight and got healthier. I was really hungry one day and called my sponsor.

I asked him if I could add extra carbs and grains to my diet to help maintain my weight since I was more active than other members. He said he’d check on some options for me but that I could only add a little grain to my diet and shouldn’t eat any additional meals.

I worked in a warehouse, after all. I needed the energy and couldn’t survive on three skimpy meals. Plus, I was losing weight rapidly doing this, and the Northern California summers were unforgiving. I was sweating the weight off quickly.

I treated myself and fell off the rails.

One day, I decided that I could treat myself. After all, I had lost so much weight in one year. In October of that year, I ate Carl’s Jr. I ordered a few hamburgers and even offered to buy food for my other coworkers. One of the guys I worked with knew my regular routine and didn’t really think I would go through with it.

I took the first bite of that hamburger and scarfed down all of them in a matter of minutes. I had cheated for the first time. Would I have to tell my sponsor what I’d done after he told me I couldn’t and that he’d figure out an alternative for me? Since I was following the program, I’d likely have to tell him the next day and lose all of my hard-earned privileges.

I got on the call, and I lied. Yeah, I deceived my sponsor. I wanted him to think that I was still fully on board with the program. I didn’t think he’d find out since my weight wouldn’t be greatly affected by the change. The thing is, I knew once I cheated, I might not go back.

I cheated again a week later. Two more times in the next couple of weeks. It got to the point that I felt so guilty I didn’t want to continue anymore.

I got to the point of leaving the program and abandoning what worked.

I told my sponsor what I’d done and that I intended to leave the program. I had reached my goal, and I felt that there was no way I’d gain my weight back. That’s where I think my thinking was unsustainable.

Dieting isn’t just eating less or eating healthy. It’s a mindset. It’s a whole lifestyle change. This program was designed to give me a lifestyle, to give me accountability, and to teach me how to live differently than I had.

Once I cheated, my mind went to old habits, and my body followed suit. Despite staying active long after, my body did start to gain a bit of weight over time.

It got worse when I got into my bicycle accident almost a year later. And I’ve only done the food plan for a couple more months on my own two more times in my life. I can’t do it anymore in the present day.

I have diabetes, and it would likely affect my blood sugar. And I haven’t consulted with a physician about how all of that would affect my health overall.

I’m back to my old weight, and now I’ve worked super hard because of my deteriorating health to get rid of some of my old horrible habits. I’ve shed most of them, but I’ll never get as disciplined as I was for that time frame when I lost all of that weight.

The aftereffects of completing the program and the lessons learned

My girlfriend, with whom I started the program, never fully got into it like I did. We broke up when I lost the weight, and I decided to only date men from that point forward once I lost all the weight.

The program gave me the confidence to live how I wanted to; it changed a bunch of things in my life and taught me how to live healthily. I couldn’t go back to it now.

I know that the program isn’t designed for someone with all of my current ailments and that it could worsen some things and likely interact with my medication. I’ve fought really hard to just do things in moderation. I’m slowly losing weight again, and it’s been in large part due to controlling portion sizes.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to 185 pounds, but I may not need to. As long as I learn some of the healthy habits I had from the program and mix them with a more normal diet, a slower weight loss is definitely much healthier for me in the long run. You can see that once I left that program and got back on more carbs, the weight just got put on quickly.

I say that this program is unsustainable only because of what I witnessed with my girlfriend and how it affected me once I left it myself.

I suppose any doctor would advise a more gradual weight loss rather than shedding over 100 pounds in under eight months. While the 12-step program proves effective for some, it simply didn’t suit me in the end.

Although they might be on to something about sugar being addictive, it’s hard for me to think that most people can abstain completely from eating it. We are all different and need to find ways to customize our diets to suit our needs. Now I’m exploring nutritional biochemistry.

Thank you for reading my story. I look forward to your feedback.