Think Small to Transform Your Life and Finally Gain Peace of Mind

Overcoming perfectionism doesn’t happen all at once.

I must admit, I once thought that making progress in my perfectionist ways required a massive paradigm shift — in both my thinking and behavior. I thought that anything less would be impermanent and inconsequential.

Guess what? I was wrong.

Sometimes we just have to start small. We don’t drop 50lbs overnight, so why would we think we can just read a book (or a Medium article) and magically transform our modes of thinking and ways of being? Still, sometimes small efforts really do help you build the momentum you need to make the bigger, harder changes so….

Here’s a list of simple practices that will help you build up tolerance for the imperfect in your daily life. Remember, they’re just small steps on your journey toward true acceptance and ultimately, peace of mind.

In no particular order…

Banish “perfect” from your vocabulary! Don’t use it to describe others and don’t use it as substitute for “excellent” or “precise”.

Don’t wear makeup every time you leave the house. If going bare-faced is too scary, give up one part of your look until you get more comfortable. Maybe skip the eyeliner or swap out the lipstick for lip balm. For people who don’t wear makeup, try not obsessing over your hair and outfit instead. Just pick something comfortable and go!

Get off social media; or at least stop using filters and other tools to perfect every image before you post. Keep your LinkedIn professional, and your other social media personal — real friends and family only. At the very least, restrict connections who tempt you toward comparison and feelings of inadequacy.

Stop asking for extra advice once you already have a gut feeling on what you should do. You’re unlikely to get new information that would support a different decision. Perfectionism causes decision paralysis. Break the habit of asking everyone else for their input when you know it won’t matter.

Avoid gossip — both the giving and the receiving. It’s social currency that drives comparison and comparison is your enemy.

Skip the tabloids, fashion, and fitness magazines. If you must read a magazine, pick up one focused on a hobby instead.

Be honest about how you’re doing; but only with people who have earned your trust. Tell them when you’re struggling and don’t exaggerate when you’re feeling “just okay”.

In your chats and texts let misspellings and typos go uncorrected! Who cares if you wrote “your” instead of “you’re”? If your friends judge you over texting errors, then I don’t think they’re really your friends.

Set a timer for a task. Once it goes off, you’re done. If you really need help, ask for it, but if you’re just second guessing yourself, take a deep breath, and move on with your day.

Have go-to phrases for emails so you don’t have to agonize over your greeting and closings. Keep replies short and sweet whenever possible. If writing the perfect email makes you take an hour instead of the ten or fewer minutes it really requires… consider a phone call instead. It will likely be shorter, sweeter, and easier than composing just the right

Play games at which you regularly lose. One where you still struggle. The goal is to accept that perfection is not always the goal. Enjoying yourself, connecting with others, and building your confidence is.

If you tend to work late into the evening, set a bed time. Unless it’s a true, life ending or career killing situation, don’t work past it.

Stop over-explaining. Sometimes people will misunderstand. Sometimes they will not agree. Once you’ve made your point, unless the other party actually has a question, there’s no more to say.

Remember simple phrases from childhood lessons like Ms. Frizzle saying things like “Take chances. Make mistakes. Get messy!” She was right.

Try a new activity. One where you KNOW you’ll struggle. Stick with it, at least six months without abandoning it because you’re not any good. The more you get comfortable with not being perfect, the better.

Let the gas tank get a little below half-full. Let the price stop on random numbers. Why must it always be a whole dollar? Spoiler alert… It doesn’t!

When it doesn’t matter, wear wrinkled clothes. Who cares if your pajamas are crumpled?

Don’t toss imperfect food, don’t throw away the post-it with the sloppy writing or misspelling, and if you keep a journal, don’t scribble out sentences that aren’t quite right.

Stop saying “That’s not okay.” I know it seems simple, but especially as a parent, or partner, you need to be more specific. Instead, try “That was unkind.”, “That was mean.”, or “That made me angry.” Every time you say something “isn’t okay” it’s both too general and too absolute.

Let small messes stay. The longer, the better. So what if there’s sand on your floor? So what if the sink has a few dishes? Resist the urge to clean, or fix, or straighten. Go for a walk, call a friend, play with your kids. MAKE the mess wait for you.

Final thoughts

On their own, these recommendations may not mean much to you.

Combined with real introspection, learning about the causes and symptoms of perfectionism, and working towards deprogramming your thinking — they can make all the difference in the world.

Perfectionists tend to be excruciatingly careful. Little changes, like those listed above, might just give you the courage you need to make the big changes — the ones that have the power to transform your life.