Psychology | Self | Learning

Things To Do That Don't Need To Be Done

And my “me” solution

I have been pondering “what is it with me” as I read through emails about the “once-in-a-lifetime-you’ll-learn-so-much-from-these-experts-over-3-days-one-week-one-month-challenges-webinars-summits.”

I read the emails and I begin to think: “I feel I am missing something — maybe I ought to sign up.”

F.U.L.L. S.T.O.P.

NO!! JUST NO!!

I’ve been down this path a few times and it can be intriguing. But intrigue only goes so far — and after years of signing up for online challenges-webinars-summits — I know that I mostly don’t attend live and I maybe listen to a replay if one is available. BUT — if the replay has the video controls turned off so I can’t fast forward through — I immediately stop and delete! Please — respect my time. Listening to your every word is not all that important in the scheme of things.

[Caveat: There are a few people I trust to give me good information — and if they do a webinar I often do sign up and attend/listen.]

But back to why I/we sign up for these challenges-webinars-summits. It is because first — they are F.R.E.E. and free is one of those catchwords that is 100000000000% guaranteed to get you hooked. [I read this somewhere in Marketing 1000000001.] And second — because we sincerely hope that this time, this experience, will provide exactly what we are looking for — although we aren't exactly sure what we are looking for.

I realized many years ago and recently re-realized that I sign up for these challenges-webinars-summits when I am feeling stuck about something.

[And why I forget this stuckness between realizations is part of my issue.]

I start to feel that just maybe a teeny bit more education is the thing-I-need: the magic-cure — the motivation — the secret mojo — or maybe I am just weary and hoping for inspiration — or maybe — or maybe — or maybe……..

This time, when I was tempted to sign up for some challenge-webinar-summit, I caught myself — stopped — and asked my head to ponder why I am again looking at these — because I know I will not find what I hope to find.

Head, I asked: Why do I stop and read about these challenges-webinars-summits and sit and think that maybe, just maybe, signing up for this one this time will open the magic box — and — all worthwhile knowledge will be revealed and the stuckness will go away.

And why do I not more quickly remember none of this will happen?

After some period of time — Head replied:

• You are feeling insecure about your own knowledge on the topic
• You are feeling insecure about doing this current project
• You are feeling that your words and ideas are not going to have the impact you hoped for
• You are feeling that you don't deserve to have success
• You are worried you might not have success

In summary —said Head: You are so stuck in your own negative thoughts that you are feeling insecure and making yourself your own worst enemy!

[I often say it sucks having a degree in psychology because you can psychoanalyze your own head till you drive yourself nuts.]

I digress……

Then Head yelled:

They are the “things to do that don’t need to be done.”

You need to look at the direction you are going — and just GO!

In the end, I agreed with Head — the stuckness is insecurity. The challenges-webinars-summits are things to do that didn’t need to be done because I was subconsciously hoping they would squish my insecurity.

Next, I asked myself what I can do to stop this line of thought. I might be able to drive myself nuts but also I can figure out solutions. [The yin and yang of that Ph.D.]

I needed to squish my own insecurities and not rely on external events.

Yes, I’ve said this to myself before — I’ve even said it to students, clients, friends, family…But this time there seemed to be a more probable solution for me.

What was my solution?

• I spent time writing this article because writing helps me think out loud.
• I updated my vita for someone and it forced me to read pages of my previous accomplishments. I realized I have many!
• I read comments from those I have helped in the past — readers of my books and articles, etc. — and made a list of what was said about my work, how I helped them, and more.
• I created a reminder on my phone to review these accomplishments daily!

What I needed to do for me was to first/again recognize why I was eager to hop on these challenges-webinars-summits when I really, truly knew I was not interested in them, and knew that I wasn’t going to get what I was hoping for.

That took some amount of time…

And then — after recognizing my issue, I needed to find a solution that worked.

That also took some amount of time…

But a solution appeared!

The next time you find yourself in this brain muddle, and it isn’t a challenge-webinar-summit you really want — ask YOUR head what is going on! Find the WHY for your stuckness — figure out a fix for THAT — and……

stay away from the things to do that don’t need to be done!

Caveat: Of course, if you really want/need to learn what is being offered — go for it! We most all offer these!

P.S. And my thinking through all this also led me to think maybe I can help you as well. My website now has a quickly added bit of info about coaching….