Things The French Don’t Understand About Americans

Summary

An American living in France observes cultural differences in dating, work ethic, and culinary preferences, highlighting the contrasts between American and French norms.

Abstract

The article delves into several aspects of American culture that the French find bewildering. The author, an American in France, points out that the American approach to dating—where people often see multiple partners before committing to an exclusive relationship—stands in stark contrast to the French practice of becoming a couple after a few dates, without the need for a formal discussion. Additionally, the American obsession with work and career advancement is perplexing to the French, who prioritize living over working. The author also notes the French perplexity over America's love for peanut butter, a staple in American cuisine that is not as widely appreciated in France. These cultural differences underscore the importance of embracing new perspectives and understanding the nuances of cultural identities.

Opinions

The American concept of dating is seen as complicated and akin to cheating by the French due to the practice of dating multiple people simultaneously before committing to a relationship.
In France, the transition from dating to being in a relationship is more straightforward and does not require an explicit conversation about becoming exclusive.
Americans tend to glorify their dedication to work, whereas the French place a higher value on living a balanced life that does not revolve around their jobs.
The French way of life, which emphasizes enjoying the present moment, is seen as a valuable lesson by the American author.
Peanut butter, a beloved ingredient in American cuisine, is met with confusion and a lack of appreciation in France.
The author reflects on the importance of being open to new cultural experiences, as it can lead to a deeper understanding of oneself and one's own culture.

Things The French Don’t Understand About Americans

Living as an American in France, there are many times I’ve noticed that what I consider to be normal simply isn’t in France. Going abroad helps us to understand more about the world, and through living in France, I have definitely learned that a lot of my habits are pretty American. Here are some American things that are more than puzzling to the French.

Our dating culture

The first on the list of things that will never make sense to the French is our dating culture, and boy is it different! When I came to France, I felt like I had to do actual research into how it all works because there is a huge difference in dating culture between the U.S and France. Before plunging into the dating scene, I asked French friends for advice and still found things I was not prepared for! In the U.S, dating means that you’re testing the waters out. People are still allowed to date other people until the couple has made it official. This is such a hard concept to explain to French people. When I try to explain it, it does sound a bit sad, if I’m honest. They’re always confused as to them; it sounds like people are cheating. The thing is, I understand how they could feel this way, especially since in France it doesn’t work like this at all!

In France, as soon as you kiss, are spending all of your time together and have romantic feelings for the other person… BAM… you’re a couple! Much simpler, right? When I came to France, I was so confused as to why the guy I was dating at the time hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I even said (with a bit of a chuckle to hide my disappointment), “So.. when are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend?” I will never forget the sad look on his face. “I thought you were my girlfriend…” He then informed me that he had never asked that question in his life, even though he had been in serious relationships before. After that, I learned that it’s not necessary to actually ask in France. It could even seem childish! If you’re together all the time, you’re together. There is no need for a fancy question. That person is your person!

Our obsession with work

As Americans, we love to talk about our side hustles, career dreams, and how much of a hard worker we are. I’m guilty of this too! Working hard and doing a good job on a project gives me an immense sense of pride. The thing is, though, I thought this was just a normal thing. It’s not. French people don’t love work as we do. As the saying goes, Americans live to work, whereas the French work to live. So our enthusiasm and appreciation for spending hours upon hours working on getting ahead in life doesn’t exist as much in France. It’s not that the French are lazy or bad workers; it’s just that other things are more important to them. It’s one of the things that makes France such a great place to live. Life is more relaxed in France, there’s more vacation time, and there are things that seem more important than being successful business-wise.

The French don’t understand why Americans love to work, because after all, work is work! It’s funny having these conversations with French people because it is a strange thing to be proud of when I think about it. “Yeah, I’m always working!” seems like more of a sad proclamation to the French rather than the go-getter, it-girl way it comes across when said in the states. I have to admit that I still have the American mindset of loving work, but I’m learning how to adapt to French ways too. The French way of life has taught me how to bask in each moment and appreciate my life for how it is now instead of dreaming of how it could be if I worked just a bit harder. Working like the American entrepreneur I was always meant to be gives me a sense of pride, but I love the appreciation for the present moment that the French have. I’m trying to find a balance between the two.

Our love for peanut butter

I knew that the French were more into Nutella, but I didn’t realize to what degree peanut butter really isn’t appreciated. Anytime I would suggest adding peanut butter to something, I felt like a crazy person. I remember one Monday saying I had made peanut butter cookies that weekend and received such a puzzled look from the people around me in return. Cookies… made with peanut butter!? I think it almost sounded criminal to them. But then, when coming back to the U.S, I was reminded just how much we love peanut butter. It’s not just me! Peanut butter ice cream, cookies, candy bars. What I didn’t realize before, however, was just how American that love was.

It’s so funny going abroad and realizing just to what degree our likes, dislikes, beliefs, and habits can be shaped by the country we’ve grown up in. What’s even more amusing is realizing that we can decide what our beliefs will be. We might stumble upon a different way of life and then adopt that one instead. This discovery is huge! At first, we may find another culture’s way of life to be perplexing, and then once giving it a try, we discover that it makes perfect sense to how we want to be living. Staying open to newness is the best way to learn more about life, others, and even about where we come from. Seeing the differences can teach us a lot about who we are.