Things Not To Say To A Black Woman

Common expressions that are said to us on a regular basis that society doesn't view as offensive.

There is an array of questions that we as black women have had to hear so frequently as children all the way into adulthood. These questions and statements stem from stigmas and stereotypes that are attached to us. What society doesn't realise is that these microaggressive based expressions marginalise us; society has made it into a habit to think these questions and statements are okay when in reality they are hurtful and disrespectful.

Can I touch your hair?

First and foremost, let's just acknowledge how this is an invasion of privacy and how disrespectful it is in essence. Black women are not supposed to be a form of entertainment, our hair is our crown and our manes, our hair doesn't serve the purpose to be your personal enjoyment. We are not pets and we are not petting zoos. Throughout our existence, we have been subject to texturism and we are ridiculed four our textured hair and we have been made to feel that we do not fit into societal beauty standards, causing us to conform to European beauty standards. Even though you may not mean any harm, you need to realise that asking to touch someone's hair is othering and dehumanising.

You don't sound black.

Firstly, what does black sound like? society has set a standard as to what black people are supposed to sound like. Black people are incredibly diverse, we are all over the globe, and consequently, we are going to all sound very different depending on where we live and where we are from. Therefore, it is rude to set one way we are supposed to sound. Secondly, one thing I have noticed as I've grown up is that when a black woman is well-spoken and articulate they are immediately told that they sound white. If we look at the connotation of this, it implies that speaking with eloquence is restricted to whiteness; how disheartening. This stigma needs to be broken once in for all, it puts us in a box and society don't think of us as being well-spoken people.

I went tanning this weekend, I'm nearly as dark as you.

In society when paler skinned women people get a tan it is praised and glorified and seen as beautiful. But, with us black women we have been made fun of for centuries for our melanated natural complexions. Our skin tone has come with racism, colourism, systemic oppression and racial inequalities, we have been made to suffer because of our colour. So for someone to make such a dramatic comparison between our differing colours is quite offensive because we have had to endure so much because of colour, it isn't something we can just wash off. We are black women 24/7.

Don't worry you're a strong black woman, you'll get through it.

Calling a black woman "strong" dehumanises us and doesn't allow society to see us as people with real emotions and leads people to assume that we can endure any form of struggle and just be okay with it because we are "strong". This needs to be stopped, this is why we are not taken seriously when we are in pain, and why people think it is a joke to turn our sufferings into a source of comedic relief.

I have written an article on the "Strong Black Woman" trope, and I really delve into the complex and explain the trope started and how it has harmed us.

As black women, we are exhausted and we are tired of constantly hearing these expressions each and every day. It is important for you to consider the connotations of these questions you may ask and statements you may make before you express them vocally. Keeping in mind what we have had to go through as black women, and putting those thoughts into perspective. I encourage you to continue to educate yourselves on our history and listen to our experiences so that you can better understand yourself and spread your new-found knowledge to others.