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Abstract

s follows: a) Asian parents use their children to validate themselves, and b) Society’s influenceI am a Singaporean Chinese and the eldest child at home. I have three siblings. I have witnessed the drastic changes in our education policies. From separating the gifted and the non-gifted, putting them either in normal or the express cohort, all these systems make growing up felt like a social competition in Singapore.We were sorted by the age of 9, the official term is “streaming system” — this applies to all schools in Singapore since 1980 and the reason behind this was to improve student’s learning experience.Students will be sorted into different streams by the streaming system based on their exam results. They will be placed in one of three courses: normal bilingual, extended bilingual, or monolingual. The <a href="https://goodyfeed.com/a-brief-recap-of-spore-primary-schools-streaming-that-used-to-separate-em1-me2-em3/">EM1, EM2, and EM3 streams eventually replace these tracks</a>.So the great divide, in other words, elitism was planted as early as 9 years old. Parents would be eager to push their child into EM1 stream instead of EM3. I was streamed into EM2.To some extent, I don’t remember my primary school days fondly. My primary school was regarded as such an elite institution that my parents relocated our place of living to be closer to it. My grades weren’t great. I always ended up taking the last two positions in a class of 40. My parents didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t doing well in school, I was subjected to tuition, a lot of criticism and scoldings. It caused a big dent in my self-esteem that took years to mend.If I could write a letter to my younger self, say at the age of 7, I would tell her that: You will be great. You can do this. Ignore what you

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r classmates say about your height and the brandless school bag. You will be ok. You are good with arts and languages, you just need more practice on mathematics.<h1 id="c5e3">“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”</h1>― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in HeavenThe first time I scored good grades was when I entered a neighbourhood secondary school. I realized that I actually liked studying. From that moment onwards, I felt like I’ve gained immunity against my parents’ scolding and criticism. They used my results as their badge of honour instead.Sometimes I feel pity for my parents because they are in a way, shaped by the existing environment and policies in the 1960s when Singapore was working its way out of political instability and trying to establish nationhood.Their way of parenting forced me to be self-reliant. If you asked me whether I feel comfortable confiding in my parents with my secrets and personal struggles, I can honestly say — no. There is an invisible barrier between us and it keeps me safe.“You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship”— Mitch AlbomDo material possessions bring happiness? Yes, but I’ve learned that they have a baseline and you can never be satisfied.I wish my Asian parents could accept the fact that their children grew up to be decent and harmonious people with a well-planned retirement. Your children did nothing illegal and are still helping you clean up the house and cook dinner for you.</article></body>

Things I Wish My Asian Parents Would Understand

Stop telling me about your friend’s daughter’s car.

Asian parents have a list of quirks and they tend to get on your nerves. Then again, someone tells me it is a form of ‘tough love’. I am past the rebellious teenage years and I no longer have the energy to argue with my parents because I know I can’t control other’s narratives but I can control mine.

Recently, my dad kept asking me why can’t I use my travel budget on a car instead? He said his friend’s daughter is driving a particular car.

So what?

I told him that I have no need for a car at this stage of my life, Singapore is highly accessible with public transport and it is not a worthy investment in Singapore to drive a car because of the extra fees you need to pay in order to drive — Certificate of Entitlement (COE). I’m saving up for my rental apartment and future travel plans.

My father considers his daughter owning a car to be “making it in life.” I sighed and rolled my eyes. I believe he is simply looking for something to brag about to his friend.

Why do Asian parents tend to compare offspring’s achievements?

My observations are as follows: a) Asian parents use their children to validate themselves, and b) Society’s influence

I am a Singaporean Chinese and the eldest child at home. I have three siblings. I have witnessed the drastic changes in our education policies. From separating the gifted and the non-gifted, putting them either in normal or the express cohort, all these systems make growing up felt like a social competition in Singapore.

We were sorted by the age of 9, the official term is “streaming system” — this applies to all schools in Singapore since 1980 and the reason behind this was to improve student’s learning experience.

Students will be sorted into different streams by the streaming system based on their exam results. They will be placed in one of three courses: normal bilingual, extended bilingual, or monolingual. The EM1, EM2, and EM3 streams eventually replace these tracks.

So the great divide, in other words, elitism was planted as early as 9 years old. Parents would be eager to push their child into EM1 stream instead of EM3. I was streamed into EM2.

To some extent, I don’t remember my primary school days fondly. My primary school was regarded as such an elite institution that my parents relocated our place of living to be closer to it. My grades weren’t great. I always ended up taking the last two positions in a class of 40. My parents didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t doing well in school, I was subjected to tuition, a lot of criticism and scoldings. It caused a big dent in my self-esteem that took years to mend.

If I could write a letter to my younger self, say at the age of 7, I would tell her that: You will be great. You can do this. Ignore what your classmates say about your height and the brandless school bag. You will be ok. You are good with arts and languages, you just need more practice on mathematics.

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”

― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

The first time I scored good grades was when I entered a neighbourhood secondary school. I realized that I actually liked studying. From that moment onwards, I felt like I’ve gained immunity against my parents’ scolding and criticism. They used my results as their badge of honour instead.

Sometimes I feel pity for my parents because they are in a way, shaped by the existing environment and policies in the 1960s when Singapore was working its way out of political instability and trying to establish nationhood.

Their way of parenting forced me to be self-reliant. If you asked me whether I feel comfortable confiding in my parents with my secrets and personal struggles, I can honestly say — no. There is an invisible barrier between us and it keeps me safe.

“You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship”

— Mitch Albom

Do material possessions bring happiness? Yes, but I’ve learned that they have a baseline and you can never be satisfied.

I wish my Asian parents could accept the fact that their children grew up to be decent and harmonious people with a well-planned retirement. Your children did nothing illegal and are still helping you clean up the house and cook dinner for you.