Things I learned in 2019

A year of realizations

Nearing the end of December 2019 I started to reflect all the past year and what it brought me. I was amazed at how much I felt at peace and confident in my day-to-day life. I no longer felt the need to explain myself or make excuses for things I did or didn’t want to do anymore. It was even more surprising to me since I was in such a new stage of life. The second Christmas separated from my twenty-year marriage was around the corner.

Lots happened in that year and yet, lots didn’t. I spent a large amount of time alone. This I expected. Divorce often leaves a person excluded from social events since now they are the odd man or in my case woman out. No one wants the newly single friend at the party of couples. It was something I expected, and so I wasn’t surprised. I also had no desire to date. I was fresh out of a lifelong relationship. I wasn’t ready to hop back into another. Not to mention the last time I dated was the early 90s. What I heard about dating in 2019 did not appeal to me. Still doesn’t.

So this was a year of reflection and discovery. Beginning with new hobbies. Stepping back in time and doing the things I loved when I was younger. Things I let go of as kids, work, and the house took over. This story isn’t new. This story is a common theme for many who reach this stage in life. It is what it is. Women tend to put themselves on the shelf in place of those they love. Replacing themselves with the person's need at the moment.

In mid-December 2019 I made a decision. I was going to write more. I have always written. My earliest memories of writing I was five years old. Even when I was working full time with young children underfoot. I still wrote poems and sections of novels I dreamed of. This was different though, I wanted to make a conscious effort to try to write daily. I knew if I did something else would come of it as long as I didn’t give up. I didn’t think who would read my words, only to write the words that needed writing. Whatever came of it, I was open. Something would lead me to write full time again. I only needed to commit to it.

With that in mind. I reflected on the past year as an ode to 2019. Instead of a New Year's resolution, I wanted to compile a list of a year in realizations.

That’s what I did. I wrote a list of my thoughts.

I had plans to post it on New Year’s Eve on Facebook. Facebook for years was the place I showcased my writing. Somewhere along the way I never did, and the list went forgotten as life moved forward into 2020.

I recently found the list on a file I forgot about.

Take note. I am not a therapist. I am a hairstylist which many refer to as a Hairapist. Instead of going to therapy, you go to Hairapy- What is the difference? When you go to hairapy after your session you leave with a clearer mind and a great head of hair. It’s a powerful combination. With that in mind, here is the list.

Things I learned in 2019

1. Learning new things is the discovery of hidden aspects of yourself that you didn’t know were there. Keep learning. Always. Even if it is hard. Actually especially if it is hard. We are always evolving. Don’t stop your full potential. Don’t be lazy. DO NOT BE LAZY.

2. At least once a day be grateful for where you are and who you have in your arena. If you can focus on what you have, it diminishes the negative response to focus on what you think you don’t have. Because you have a lot.

3. In the great words of Marie Kondo “Does it spark joy” do it with THINGS- but also with PEOPLE. Make sure the people in your life spark joy not sadness, anger, or resentment. Even if it is family. Don’t clutter your life with things or people that choke your spirit and make you a prisoner. Your space, the people, and things around you ARE a reflection of you. You are the common theme in the picture. If you are around chaos find out how you got yourself there and clean it up and let it go.

4. Most people don’t like you, but that is ok. It only matters the ones that do. Focus on those who like you and want to be with you. There are far more of them than you think.

5. When big events happen in your life good or bad, pay attention to who is around and who isn’t. Sum it up, suck it up and move on and do better. Don’t be a victim.

6. Don’t be afraid of change. Change is good. Change moves you forward to new adventures, Change opens up new chapters of your book called Life. Don’t be afraid of opportunities. It is waiting around the corner if you are open to it and looking for it. Don’t let fear hold you back. Fear is always your enemy. Don’t forget that.

7. Be kind, even if you don’t want to be. You really get more out of it than you think. But in that same breath, don’t expect it back. It’s not a Karma thing. It’s just the right thing.

8. Before you give an opinion or react to something, try to take a step back — walk away from it for a bit and decide is it worth it? Does it matter or does it not matter? If it does matter, have the courage to speak up. A voice is a powerful thing. (still working on this)

9. Be open. Be calm. Be patient. Try not to judge. Be open to hearing other’s views. It doesn’t mean you have to change yours, but you may have a new insight you never thought of. One that could change your life.

10. Making The Happiness Equation by Neil Pasricha your new bible. It’s not a wishy-washy self-help book. It’s logic. Thinking logically makes you clear to see things the way they are and work from there. Do yourself a favour and make reading The Happiness Equation your 2020 resolution. For me, it was how I have always felt but sometimes slip back a few steps into self-doubt and negativity. As humans, that is what we do best. The Happiness Equation is a validation of how I have always felt, and when I am at my best. When I use these tools of logic and not emotion things do not explode into something more than they should. Drama is most often avoided and things get done. Drama is the cause of so many things undone and unfinished. Most of the time it is unnecessary.

I look forward to tomorrow; I look forward to next week. I don’t think farther than that because I want to focus on who and what is in the now.

Love those around you who bring you joy- Surround yourself with them. They are what make you rich.

Keep learning- don’t be lazy. Laziness is the kiss of darkness.

Be your true self. Those who like you how you are, they are the ones you want around anyway.

Listen to others even if you want to talk first (still, really need to work on this) Listen to the silence. Be in nature as much as possible. It changes you.

Be grateful. Things could be so much worse. You are not a victim.

May 2020 be the next great chapter of your life.

Epilogue- November 2020-

Nearing the end of 2020, I reflect on all the past year and what it brought us, the world.

My first instinct is to do a step-by-step reflection on each passing month since Covid struck all our lives. Turning everything we thought we believed upside down. I am not going to do that. We already reflect on every single aspect of every single thing of 2020. No one needs another voice telling them how to deal with a Pandemic and all the ramifications of 2020. We have lived it, ARE living it. We don’t need another lecture on how to survive it. We are doing it already.

So I leave this as is. The words of the past brought back out on display. Back to 2019 when an old year was ending and a new year about to begin.

May 2021 be the next great chapter of your life.

With love Deena