Things Can Only Get Better
50 things I realized when I turned 50
Selfie by the author
I turned 50 in 2022 (and I’ll be 51 tomorrow). I can hardly believe it (except when I get out of bed in the morning and absolutely everything aches). I was always the baby of my high school friend group, having skipped a grade and graduated at the ripe old age of 16, ready to take on the world though I wasn’t even able to vote or rent an apartment on my own. I was shy and insecure and struggled to find my place and my voice…for about half a century.
Something about turning 50 changed everything. Maybe it was the stark realization that, statistically speaking, my life is more than half over now. It’s time to take all the painful lessons from the first half and prove that I’ve learned something from them, so the first 50 years weren’t just wasted time. I’ve got to make the next part count.
Here are the 50 realizations that will help me do that:
1. It sucks less to be lonely alone than to be lonely with someone. Time spent in empty relationships is wasted time. Spend that time getting comfortable with you.
2. Traveling solo is a worthy investment. Don’t spend too long deciding — book the trip and go.
Photo by the author — from atop the cathedral on my solo trip to Palermo, Sicily November 2022
3. To quote my favorite Orange Theory Fitness coach, “You’ve survived 100% of the tough things you’ve ever been through. You have a track record for success.” Rely on that.
4. Old friends can be the best friends, but only if they’re willing to recognize that you’ve grown and changed over the years. History is a good place to start to reconnect, but it’s not enough on its own to build a strong relationship. Don’t get stuck in the past.
5. I’m freakin’ proud to be a feral GenXer. Resilience has gotten me further than my multiple college degrees ever could.
Photos of the author 2022 and 1989 by Angela (Krueger) Edris
6. Music is healing. It’s also all-encompassing and easy to lose yourself in. It can trigger some powerful memories. But you control the radio. Listen on your own terms.
Photo by Les Hein. The author onstage with Bret Michaels 8/4/23
7. Your voice matters. Use it. It costs more in the long run to remain silent than it does to take the chance to say what you need to say. If you lose someone because you spoke your truth, it’s better than losing yourself because you didn’t.
8. Take the pictures. Make the memories. But more importantly, put down the damn phone and experience the moment. You can’t get it back once it’s gone.
9. You can never have enough cats. Period.
Photos by the author. I really do need all six cats. Maybe more. Don’t tell my boyfriend.
10. There’s no room in my world for hatred or people who spew it.
11. Love is love. Love is not a sin. Be you, be proud, love out loud. It didn’t take me 50 years to learn this, but since too many people still don’t get it, I still need to say it.
Photo and painting by the author
12. Work is just work. Leave it there. Shut down the computer and walk away, take the time off anytime you can. You are replaceable at work, but not to the people who love you and need that time with you.
13. Ride the roller coasters. Even if they look freakishly terrifying. You’ll live. And you’ll probably realize the ride wasn’t half as bad as you thought it would be.
Photo by Angela Edris. Shiekra at Busch Gardens Tampa. I’m second from the left on the back row.
14. You don’t have to get married or have kids to be complete, fulfilled, or happy.
Photo by Mari Urias. I’m a proud dog mom, too. The cats approve.
15. Divorce isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes it’s the best part of a marriage.
16. Go to the concerts. It’s worth seeing your favorite performers live while they still are.
Backstage at Bret Michaels Parti Gras Tour. Selfie by the author.
Onstage with my new fellow veteran friends at Bret Michaels Parti-Gras Tour. Photo by Angela Edris.
38 Special concert with the boyfriend and besties. Photo by Les Hein.
17. Eat the freaking dessert. Even if it’s just a bite. You deserve it.
Photo by the author. Congdon’s Donuts are the best in Ogunquit, Maine. And yes, we ate them all!
18. Go for a walk. Get outside. Fresh air changes things.
Photo of the author by Meagan Spiegel.
19. Salt water heals everything. Go to the beach. Watch the sun rise or set over the water. Breathe.
Photo by the author. Ogunquit, Maine.
20. Tom Hanks is still amazing. And he’s right. This too shall pass is great wisdom to hold onto.
21. Great sex doesn’t make a great relationship, but a great relationship can make sex great.
22. You don’t owe your parents anything. Life is a gift. Treat it as such and enjoy it.
23. Never sacrifice your happiness or freedom for someone else. You’ll regret it and resent them.
24. Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
25. Taking care of someone isn’t noble. It’s hard. It’s exhausting. It ages you. It’s often thankless.
26. Therapy helps. Take time to find the right therapist. They’re not all the same.
27. It’s okay to question what you believe. In fact, it’s wise to do so.
28. Religion is overrated, like politics. Don’t take any of it too seriously.
29. There are some 80s rockers out there who are still swoon-worthy and bringing down the house, loving what they do, well into their 70s. I wanna live like that!
Photos by the author. Just a few of the greats we’ve seen this year: Boy George and Culture Club, Howard Jones, Lou Gramm with Foreigner
30. It’s never too late to start learning something new. Take the music lessons, the painting class, the surf lessons. Do it while you can.
Photo by the author. I went to my first tattoo party and got to play with a baby kangaroo. I’ve done some pretty cool new things this year!
31. Pay attention to your body. You’re not supposed to feel like crap all the time. If there’s something that you can control that could make a positive impact on your health (like reducing sodium or sugar), it’s worth it.
32. If your dog doesn’t trust someone, you probably shouldn’t, either.
Photos by the author. This pup loves her kitty. And most people.
33. Sometimes you need to talk to strangers (sorry, Rick Springfield). Loneliness sucks. Your smile or hello could be what it takes to keep someone around. You’ll know when you need to take the chance.
34. In the beautiful calypso poet words of Jimmy Buffett — breathe in, breathe out, move on. Sometimes it’s all you can do. And you have to.
35. Sometimes Netflix and chill is the best way to recharge. Don’t feel guilty for “not being productive” all the time.
36. You don’t have to respond immediately. Sometimes you shouldn’t. Wait, walk away, figure out what you’re really responding to first. Words cannot be taken back or unheard.
37. Create. Whatever that means to you, just create. Making something out of nothing is the best analogy for a meaningful life that I’ve ever found.
Photo by the author. Painting on the beach is my favorite creative therapy.
38. Ride the waves as they come. Stay flexible. Things are going to change. Here’s the perfect example — I’ve given you 38 awesome little pearls of wisdom. I’m good with that. We’re just gonna stop here. Maybe I’ll leave you wanting more so you’ll check out my other stories or follow me to see if I’ll add more to this list next year. Maybe I’ll frustrate you and you’ll leave me some comments. Maybe you’ll laugh a little because you’d do the same thing. Either way, the hardest and best lesson I’ve learned is to surf the wave I’m on. It will do what it wants. I can’t control the ocean. I can only hang loose and enjoy the ride.
Photo by the author