They Didn’t Really Play You
Most people make connections with good intentions. We gravitate to people who are nice to be around — we feel they’re easy to get along with because they share our values, temperament, interests, life goals, or all of the above.
There are some sinister few who believe any new friend they make is going to “serve” them in some way.
People who fall into the empathy impairment category (Narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths) seem to believe they’re the ones at the top. They believe they are playing people rather than building a friendship or relationship.
In dating, players will seek out a new supply and shower them with attention, compliments, dates, affection, etc. and if the person isn’t experienced with recognizing manipulative patterns they may fall for the player’s games, getting stuck in the web of emotional hell.
The player will then start to distance themselves by not replying for 10 hours or suddenly becoming less available than before. They will make sure the change is noticeable to you so you wonder what happened. They create a routine you’re used to then pull the rug out from under you, creating a “trauma bond”.
Some players don’t do the distancing game but they will increase their efforts if they intend to marry you quickly. If marrying you benefits them they may go that far and not start pulling away until after the wedding. Someone did this to me once so it is possible, but rare. Many narcissistic individuals don’t like to commit.
Players can mess with people on a platonic level, too — they shower a new friend with all kinds of love and attention and if they are receptive to it they will wait until the friend is hooked before pulling away, being mean, spreading rumours, lying, being controlling, sabatoging, their life, etc.
In a lot of cases, the one who was tricked by the player gets told they’re too nice, too innocent, too naive, too dumb, etc. Unfortunately, most people won’t recognize the signs of an abuser until they have some experiences that continue to show them the same results.
Because some of us believe most people are good and have good intentions.
Some people will even credit the narcissistic person for being clever and ambitious.
Abusive people often won’t cut someone loose even if there’s a breakup. They try to phase in and out of people’s lives based on how useful they are at the moment.
Those players can have a laugh at the people they think they’re playing.
They stopped replying to someone they planned a future with. They laugh about how trusting a friend was before getting betrayed. They are calling you a narcissist because you set a boundary with them. They laugh with their friends every time a girl they’ve got on the hook sends a text asking what’s wrong because he hasn’t replied for 3 days. They’ll post rude things online knowing you’ll see it.
They think they’re playing people, but the reality is quite the opposite.
Healthy people with good intentions don’t play games. They are not in major competition with other people. They don’t want to see others fail or get hurt.
If sane people don’t play those kinds of games then who’s really getting played?
People who try to trick, humiliate, confuse, betray, use, abuse, or hurt others are playing themselves.
The people they hurt will eventually heal and move on, but the abusive ones continue the same empty cycle over and over again, never satisfied with anyone or anything that comes their way, so they have to cycle them through the idealize-devalue-discard-hoover phases.
To what end? Well, there doesn’t seem to be one unless they start to seek therapy and work on themselves.