Goat Romance

They Asked for a Unicorn, They Got a Goat

A romance about busty women, sexy singles, and huge penises

The year 2003

I was looking for an affordable car in the Sunday paper, when my eyes caught an especially interesting request in the wanted section.

Wanted:

A single, sexy, fun woman open to exploring with a husband and wife partner. Please only respond back if serious.

Those of you who are as sexually savvy as I am will understand this couple was looking for what the hot people call, A Unicorn. If you’re too lazy to click, that means a woman who is looking to get boinked by a couple.

And I thought to myself:

I could be decently decent at this.

I’m sexy. I’m fun-ish. And I’m horny because my boyfriend dumped me two months ago for a girl named Lacey and a trip to Vegas. I don’t miss him, but I miss the dick. Ya know?

The following day I placed my ad in the paper.

Dear couple ISO sexy single fun

I’m here for you. Will require two things. Rack of ribs. 16 mild buffalo wings. Answer back soon.

I know it seems rather clipped but after purchasing my new-to-me 1983 Gremlin to get me back and forth to work, I only had fifty cents left over for my ad.

After about a week there was a response!

Dear sexy single fun

We like ribs too! Your requests will be met. Please meet us at 6 pm, 3 Saturdays from now, at 6969 pussywillow court.

As I read the response, I realized I’d forgotten a really important part of this whole situation.

Dear 69 PWC

I will also need a Mountain Dew, thanks. Are you both hot?

I was very pleased when I picked up the newspaper that Sunday and saw their reply.

Do the Dew, Sweetie

You shall have it. Indeed, we are. See you soon.

I’ll be frank, 6969 Pussywillow Court did not disappoint. I won’t go into the sordid details, you fucks, but I’ll give you an outline.

The dude was average looking but had a tremendously large penis. But not so big that it hurt. Ya feel me?

The woman was a smokin’ hot very busty blonde with the most amazing mouth and a love of spanking.

They gave me my Mountain Dew, my rack of ribs, and my buffalo wings, and they made me feel at home.

I spent the better part of an hour, licking, sucking, and slurping. The food, that is. I took my sweet time, letting them watch me slobber all over those fresh, meaty wings, my mouth wet with grease and my lips puffed up and sultry from the mild sauce.

And then I gave those unicorn seekers the night of their lives, dammit.

It wasn’t too bad for me either.

At the end, Mrs. Pussywillow court couldn’t take her eyes off of me and begged me to come back. Mr. Pussywillow court took about an hour to come to after the oral activities taking place knocked him out, but once he did, he just stared at the ceiling in pure amazement.

It was an exciting night had by all, and I had been dicked and licked so well that I agreed to return the following Wednesday, as long as there was a supreme pizza, 6 breadsticks, and a brownie waiting for me when I arrived. Also a Root Beer.

Once again my sexual acts left them in utter shock. No dick had ever been as satisfied. No boobs had ever been bounced with as much perfection.

They wanted a unicorn. But they got much, much better.

They got the G.O.A.T.

Story inspired by Jennifer McDougall, who asked wtf all the women writers were. I’m not sure if this was exactly what she was looking for.

And thanks to Adam Robinson for always coming through with prompt ideas. He was also the inspiration for the large dicked man in my story. ❤