These Practical Jokes In Space Are No Longer Funny

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aren’t practical and aren’t jokes. April 1 was like forty-six earth spins ago…</p><p id="9cf7">The best time for revenge is never. Don’t you remember Chris “Hot Pants” Hadfield singing that as he strummed along on his Larrivée? He did it to that Nickelback tune which is probably why you tried to gouge out his lithium hydroxide canisters. I think he wrote it for you though he never did admit it, even when I threatened his parent’s cornfield.</p><p id="50af">We are a team. Remember how they drilled into us during Intro to NASA Week that “there is no I in team”? Teams don’t replace Vitamin D supplements with Viagra, Jack. And they certainly don’t offer space station-grown edibles during geomagnetic storms or televised Q&As for elementary students.</p><p id="ef44">They don’t release the experimental spiders, fire ants, or poison dart frogs. And they don’t smear penicillium spores into a sleeping bag or on the straps that anchor it to the wall. I get that you didn’t <i>know</i> both Peggy and John are allergic, but still.</p><p id="4179">And for heaven’s sake, Christina and Jessica’s tampons are off-limits. Are you in middle school, Jack? Even back in gra

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de 7, I was too busy testing payload design and bench pressing Audis to waste ketchup and maxi-pads.</p><p id="e7f2">So, Jack, it’s time you lay off the “humor”. I read your top-secret profile and know how your coprophobia almost lost you this position on our mission. I am also quite familiar with how to reverse the poop vacuum. Accept this as your last warning. Ne feces deserve to be harmed in your furious attempt at vengeance.</p><p id="0f11">Your Fellow Spacecraft Buddies</p><p id="4fb4"><i>©Jennifer J. McDougall 2021</i></p><p id="f029">This prompt is thanks to <a href="undefined">Rachael Ann Sand</a>.</p><div id="5679" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/humor-from-outer-space-8ef5171c7086"> <div> <div> <h2>Humor From Outer Space</h2> <div><h3>MuddyUm Writers’ Prompt</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*5CD3D7meEKW1MgJZ)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Give it up before someone gets poop bombed

Listen, Jack. Yes, we normally refer to you as Jack Off but this is a family-friendly pub.

I know we hazed you worse than Pi Kappa Alpha’s 2008 “Hell Night”. But no one died. Even your mom thought it was hilarious — watching how your eyes puffed up like Jessica Simpson’s chest after the wasabi-injected anti-fog nearly cost you your sight.

Just a little astro-tradition for newbies so no need to get your bullet-proof, fire-resistant knickers in a knot. If you think your initiation was bad you should’ve seen my radiation burns! It’s all just done in good fun.

So enough with this retribution that you’re hell-bent on achieving. Quit taxing us all with these practical jokes that aren’t practical and aren’t jokes. April 1 was like forty-six earth spins ago…

The best time for revenge is never. Don’t you remember Chris “Hot Pants” Hadfield singing that as he strummed along on his Larrivée? He did it to that Nickelback tune which is probably why you tried to gouge out his lithium hydroxide canisters. I think he wrote it for you though he never did admit it, even when I threatened his parent’s cornfield.

We are a team. Remember how they drilled into us during Intro to NASA Week that “there is no I in team”? Teams don’t replace Vitamin D supplements with Viagra, Jack. And they certainly don’t offer space station-grown edibles during geomagnetic storms or televised Q&As for elementary students.

They don’t release the experimental spiders, fire ants, or poison dart frogs. And they don’t smear penicillium spores into a sleeping bag or on the straps that anchor it to the wall. I get that you didn’t know both Peggy and John are allergic, but still.

And for heaven’s sake, Christina and Jessica’s tampons are off-limits. Are you in middle school, Jack? Even back in grade 7, I was too busy testing payload design and bench pressing Audis to waste ketchup and maxi-pads.

So, Jack, it’s time you lay off the “humor”. I read your top-secret profile and know how your coprophobia almost lost you this position on our mission. I am also quite familiar with how to reverse the poop vacuum. Accept this as your last warning. Ne feces deserve to be harmed in your furious attempt at vengeance.

Your Fellow Spacecraft Buddies

This prompt is thanks to Rachael Ann Sand.

HUMOR, SPACE

These Practical Jokes In Space Are No Longer Funny

Give it up before someone gets poop bombed

Humor From Outer Space

MuddyUm Writers’ Prompt