These Jokes Helped Launch My Comedy Career

Summary

Jerry Seinfeld reflects on the evolution of his comedy career, the creative process, and the thrill of making an audience laugh.

Abstract

Jerry Seinfeld delves into the 45-year journey of his comedy career, highlighting the persistent struggle and joy of crafting new material. He shares the insecurities that even the most successful comedians face, the quest for the perfect act, and the exhilaration of eliciting a unique laugh. Through personal anecdotes, Seinfeld illustrates the transformation from a novice with nothing to a seasoned professional, emphasizing the distinct differences between adults and children in their approach to everyday tasks, such as searching for items in pockets or understanding the thermostat. He humorously recounts the power dynamics of adulthood, the quirks of the Swiss Army Knife, and the intricacies of fatherly advice, all while cherishing the unpredictable and fulfilling path of stand-up comedy.

Opinions

Comedians, regardless of success, often worry about their material's efficacy.
The pursuit of perfecting one's comedic act is a continuous, somewhat torturous, yet beloved struggle for performers.
Discovering a new joke that resonates with the audience reinvigorates a comedian's passion and sense of starting anew.
The act of making people laugh is a unique and irreplaceable experience that Seinfeld equates to an intrinsic part of his identity.
Seinfeld humorously contrasts the simplicity of childhood with the complexity of adulthood through everyday behaviors like searching pockets and adjusting the thermostat.
He pokes fun at the generational divide, particularly in understanding technology and household items, highlighting the absurdity of his father's thermostat obsession.
Seinfeld muses on the absurdity of the Swiss Army Knife's non-military utility, humorously suggesting its true purpose is for social engagements rather than combat.

Looking back at the start of a 45-year-long adventure

Photo by: Joseph Del Valle/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

I can personally guarantee you that every comedian you’ve ever seen feels they don’t have as much good material as they wish they had.

The biggest comedians you can name still go onstage with a little worry in the back of their head, that whatever they have might not be good enough tonight. We always want more.

I deeply love the endless, somewhat torturous struggle of never quite feeling that you’ve got your act where you want it. Because I don’t want it to ever end. And when a new bit breaks through and gets a real laugh, that’s when you feel like you’re at the beginning of the journey all over again. You feel like you’re just starting out. And maybe you do have what it takes.

I love hearing a laugh that’s never existed in the world before. Because every laugh is slightly different. Unique even.

The notebook pages these jokes were written in, way back in the 1970s when I was a kid starting out, form the map of the forty-five-year-long road I’ve been on to become this odd, unusual thing. It is the only thing I ever really wanted to be. I wish I could recommend it to you as an experience you should have. But it’s like recommending that someone become an iguana. If you don’t have those crazy eyes, leathery skin and the long tongue, it’s tough to get there.

But I hope you enjoy the ride through this chapter of the thing that has become my life. I’m a little frustrated that if you do laugh at something in here, I won’t get to hear it.

Adult Pockets

One big difference between adults and kids is the number of pockets they go through when they’re looking for something. Adults touch every pocket on their clothes when they’re looking for something. “I thought . . . for sure . . . I had . . . that with me . . .” When you’re a little kid, somebody asks you if you have something, you just hold both palms straight out. “No, I don’t have it.” You don’t have to check. You have nothing. Anything you have is in your hand. You ask a kid, “You have change of a quarter?” (hold hands out palms up) He goes, “Nope.” Ask him to double-check, “Are you sure?” They just spread their fingers out wider.

Dad’s Thermostat

You can’t beat Adult Power. Unlimited television. Cookies any time you want. Plus you can go home tonight and screw around with that thermostat all you like. We are in charge of it now. My father got me so crazy with that thing. I didn’t go near a thermostat until I was 28 years old. I was in a hotel room in Pittsburgh when I finally got up the guts to move it a little bit. The whole night I couldn’t sleep. I was afraid my father was going to burst in the door, “Who touched the thermostat in here? You know, I set it there . . . for a reason.” For years I waited for my father to take me aside and explain to me the secret of the thermostat. And then one day he did sit me down, told me this whole story — The sperm, the egg, intercourse. I said, “Dad, who cares? Get to the part where the thermostat comes in. What does it really control?”

Swiss Army Knife

The Swiss Army. Never been involved in a war in two hundred years. It’s a lucky thing. Did you ever see this little Swiss Army knife? Corkscrews, bottle openers, nail file. You don’t want to go to war with this thing. Unless they’re in the war of the Dinner Parties they have no chance. “Come on, buddy, let’s go . . . You get past me, the guy behind me has a spoon. I got the toenail clippers out, so just back off. I’ll clip that pinky toe down to nothing. Take you three weeks to grow it back.”

From IS THIS ANYTHING? by Jerry Seinfeld. Copyright Ó 2020 by Bic Yellow Legal, LLC. Reprinted by permission of Simon & Schuster, Inc.