These Boots Were Made for Walkin’
The story of a “shoes” horse

What’s made of leather, a foot long, and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.
And my collection of shoes is nothing to sneeze at. I firmly believe in having precisely the appropriate type of shoe for the activity and color-coordinated outfits. As a result, I have steadily increased the size of my shoe collection. I have shoes for walking, shoes for lounging, shoes for snow, shoes for rain, pickleball shoes, dancing shoes, sneakers of different colors, seasonal shoes such as sandals, different styles such as slip-ons, boots, etc. shoes for costumes, like cowboy boots. I even have shoes to gas up the car in.
I went to the AmPm gas station this morning. The first pump was out of order, and so was the second, and third. I went into the mini-mart and asked the clerk, “Have you got your pumps on?” She said, “No, I’m wearing Ugg Boots.”
You’d think that if my feet are proportionately a small percentage of my body, then my closet should reflect that math, but no. I have to swaddle the feet in excess. It’s a feet-ish. (Not as bad as the First Lady of the Philippines, Imelda Marcos, who is said to have had 3000 pairs which are now on display at the Marikina Shoe Museum in Manila.) I calculate it a slightly different way. Since one-fourth of my body’s bones are in my feet, I should allocate one-fourth of my closet to shoes. Makes sense? (The truth is feet are 1.43% of the body for men and 1.33 % of a female’s body.)
A man with two left feet walks into a shoe store and says, “Got any flip-flips?”
So much for flippant remarks.
What did the hat say to the shoe? I’ll go ahead, you go on afoot.
I hope you get a kick out of my story!