These 7 Truths Are Essential to Master Self-Help
Learn these truths and thrive.
Before you read another piece of self-help advice, listen closely.
Yes, self-help can be amazing. But you have to use it correctly. And you have to look deeper so you can make the most of your studies and avoid going down the wrong path, which makes you feel worse, not better.
Let’s jump right in:
1. The Source Is Critical
Before you read a book, watch a video, listen to a podcast, or whatever, ask yourself a very simple question:
“Is this person actually someone you want to listen to?”
Think about it…
What’s their track record?
Are they doing what you want?
Are they doing it the way you want?
Does this person have the kind of integrity you want? Or does this person have all kinds of drama or controversy behind their name?
Do they have skin in the game? In other words, are they living a successful life you want to emulate, or are they just living in their parents' house and trying to be an influencer?
Are they happy?
Hell, is this even a real person?
To get the most out of your teachings, look at the teacher. Sure, you can learn things from not-so-nice people—like technical information that isn’t related to ethics—but if you listen to life advice from them, you might end up going down a path that isn’t right for you.
2. Don’t Become a Junkie
Sometimes, when people get into personal growth, they end up listening to three different podcasts, reading two books, listening to an audiobook, and—oh—watching a few self-help YouTubers… all at once.
Real talk: That’s OD.
Don’t be a self-help junkie. Don’t just flood yourself with “self-help” to make yourself feel better. Do fewer things and go deeper and, occasionally, take mini-breaks from all information. Because while it can be helpful, you still need time to let all the thoughts settle and marinate.
Sometimes, taking a break and rereading things with fresh eyes can unlock new insights you couldn’t do when you were drowning in self-help.
3. Be Careful With The Forums
Places like Reddit can be helpful because people will post information, tips, and success stories.
But the problem with places like Reddit is a lot of people are just chasing likes and trying to build a following (kind of like here, lolz).
Rather than reading, say, Stephen Covey, and hearing the advice directly from the source, you read a second-hand version from some random person who might be misunderstanding certain things or looking for validation and approval (which contradicts the advice they share).
Also, those forums can even turn into a support group full of hyper-anxious people who are overanalyzing every part of their life.
So sure, read them if you want, but take the advice with a grain of salt. There’s no substitute for reading the original author.
4. Do The Damn Thing
Real talk: You have already enough knowledge to get you to the next level — you don’t need to drown yourself in it.
“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.”
― Bruce Lee
Self-improvement advice is great, but the only way to experience true improvement of one’s self is to apply the advice.
To use a fitness analogy, you can read all the advice about doing squats with perfect technique—but until you get under the barbell and do some squats, you will never truly know perfect technique.
Whether you want to be a better communicator, have great relationships, start a business, etc., you have to close the book and get started.
5. Learn the *Right* Way
The problem with constant self-improvement is that it can sometimes make you believe you aren’t good enough—that you have so many problems, issues, traumas, or whatever.
It becomes an exercise in self-criticism and self-contempt rather than just learning.
Sure, in the beginning of your journey, it can be a kick in the pants to uncover deeper issues that have plagued your life. But you’re not a flawed human being because of it—you just have a few things to work on.
In The Inner Game of Tennis, W. Timothy Gallwey had an analogy I really like: Think of your journey like a baby learning to walk. You don’t get mad when the baby falls over. You don’t insult the baby when they’re barely standing. You don’t coach the baby mercilessly with every step.
You just watch. You guide them occasionally, but you let them learn. You enjoy the experience.
Same with self-improvement. Loosen the reins a little bit and stop judging yourself, and you’ll probably change faster than before.
6. Focus On Yourself ONLY
A while back, I saw a meme that said, “I don’t care about your online dating profile; show me the receipts of your therapy” (or something like that).
Wow, how nasty is that?
They completely missed the point.
Look, I don’t care if you’re in therapy because that’s none of my damn business. (Some people are in therapy and they don’t feel comfortable sharing—why should I shame them into sharing it?)
You’re not trying to change anyone else except yourself.
Never read self-help and think, “I need to send this to so-and-so because they’re fucked up and they need to improve.” Never think other people need to heal themselves. Because if you try to fix everyone else before fixing yourself, you’ll only cause more harm than good.
“We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.”
— Mahatma Gandhi
You’re only doing self-improvement to improve yourself. Period.
7. There Is No Finish Line
Don’t read self-help with the goal of finally becoming “healed.”
There is no “healed.”
Life is a constant process of learning and evolution.
There is no finish line.
Because if you always look at the “goal,” I assure you that goal is going to keep moving further and further away, no matter how much you improve.
The irony of personal growth is that some people use it as a replacement for fulfillment, meaning, and joy. They’ll think, “Once I’m ‘there,’ then I can be ‘happy, satisfied, at peace, etc.’” They’ll think, “Once I’m ‘healed,’ then I’ll start to live my life.”
But that day will never come.
Learn to savor the little wins.
Learn to value the growth.
Learn to enjoy the journey.
That journey is life.
Don’t miss it.
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