Spirituality and Positivity
These 5 Little Things in Life Gave Me My Most Blissful Moments After Back-to-Back Family Tragedies.
That materialistic hankering can never give
It goes without saying that the death of a loved one can be the most painful thing on earth.
And untimely deaths can be devastating turning this pain into lifelong scars.
In 2017, I lost my young cousin and uncle who I grew up with.
In 2018, I lost my eldest brother-in-law who was extremely dear to me.
And just after 10 months in 2019, I lost my father.
The pain of losing them was one thing. The pain of seeing the tears and trauma of the most bereaved was another. It was drowning me in a sea of never-felt-before sadness.
At the same time, a Pandora’s box of unexpected, unknown, and never-ending issues started flowing into our lives.
My responsibilities grew manifold and suddenly I and my wife Moon, were managing family affairs across five cities and two countries.
Our personal goals came to a standstill, our finances were losing muscles and the emotional upheavals of family members, including mine, started creating utmost mental stress.
It was like a house on fire that was coming down in the face of raging destiny, no matter how much I tried to save it.
Probably, around the same time my serotonins very sneakily and slowly started abandoning me.
A point came when I felt like running away.
Then in 2020, the murderous virus came into our world. It was the start of my experiencing some small unexpected moments that gave me an invaluable flow of peace and joy.
Watching K-Dramas with Moon (Relaxation and fun)
Just after the lockdown, one evening I sat down on our living room sofa with a cup of coffee. My hands touched the TV remote that had been lying sadly on our sofa for months, bereft of all attention from its two family members.
Without realising I picked it up and switched on the TV. I was surprised to realise that it was a smart TV. I had almost forgotten what was inside the box.
I exclaimed to Moon, “Hey, we have Netflix here. I do not even remember that this was a smart one”.
Only then did I realise that for 2 years, we had not switched on our television in our living room. Even more disturbingly, I did not remember when was the last time me and my wife sat in our living room and had a relaxed chat or drink.
When I opened Netflix, my eyes fell on the Korean drama series (K-Drama).
One particular drama caught my eye. It was called Crash Landing on You. I googled and the rave reviews made me push the “start” button.
Our living room sofa for the next few days turned into the most relaxing corner of our house.
Sitting with Moon in the evenings, with a hot cup of coffee, and watching the K-Drama turned out to be a surprisingly blissful experience.
Through the drama, we got transported to the villages in North Korea, where funny, lovable characters came alive. The fabric of the close-knit village life kept us warm. The characters with their idiosyncrasies brought us smiles. The plots full of twists and turns, thrills, humour, emotions and love kept us glued.
And those moments — when we would sit on that sofa with hot coffees in our hands with the now much more alive and gleeful TV remote — made us forget our problems.
The sofa, the coffee, and the K-Dramas offered us a relaxing point of connection — for me and Moon — after all the ups and downs in the previous months and years.
The respite can be matched with a person who sees an oasis after being lost in the desert for days.
Driving through Europe (Family and Travel)
4 years after we lost our loved ones, my second sister came up with the idea of doing a family road trip in Europe which would include Moon, my mother, my eldest sister who lost her husband, my second sister, her daughter, her husband, her husband’s siblings, and her husband’s sibling’s better halves and kids.
I was reluctant, probably because by then the sneaky serotonins were aggressively playing tricks on my body. But my wife pushed me to join them.
In my car, I had both my sisters, my niece, and my mother — four of my dearest people on earth. (My wife could not join as she got stuck with business meetings).
We started from Paris to Prague. From Prague, we proceeded to Salzburg, Austria. We drove through the Austrian Alps, went through Liechtenstein where we had lunch in a Chinese restaurant, and entered Switzerland. Driving through various places in the Swiss Alps we reached Zermatt. From there we drove to Lyon in France and then took a train back to Paris. I think the trip lasted for 10 days or so.
If you ask me which country, road, town, village, mountains, food, or sights I enjoyed the most, none would make it to the list.
Instead what was filling me with blissfulness was the inside of the hired car I was driving.
See, whenever we reached a place, everyone scattered away here and there wanting to explore the place, the shops, sights, etc. They wanted to make the most of it, so often there was not much time to sit, talk, and relish little moments.
But in the car, we were locked in for hours whilst on the road.
In that car, driving through some of the most scenic routes on earth, listening to music, cracking jokes, getting confused with navigation, making wrong turns, laughing, talking, arguing and eating snacks with the four people who I was spiritually connected with gave me immense joy.
So, you see? It was never the places or the glamour that was making a difference to me. It was the people. My loved ones. The place could have as well been my dining table for all I care. (However, I have to accept that natural beauty does have the power to add to one’s joy).
Who knew that first, it would be a sofa, and then it would be a hired car that was going to provide a space to experience bliss?
Learning from two great teachers (Knowledge and wisdom)
I work in IT product management.
I had been following two teachers on LinkedIn for a few years and was curious to know what they were offering to the IT world.
When COVID-19 happened, I joined their online workshops.
I was blown away as I never witnessed anything like that before.
Far from the hackneyed training styles, with no fixed agenda and slides, they created unbelievably safe spaces where creativity, participation, and diverse thinking flourished like Dutch tulips.
In a field like IT, they brought art, philosophy, objects, toys, culture, history, and stories to take participants on wonderful journeys and insightful destinations.
The entire experience, in addition to expanding my horizons and providing confidence, was surprisingly therapeutic — something that can sadly be found only as needles in the corporate haystacks.
Their sessions became my sacred retreats to find both joy and knowledge. It provided an escape from the frustrations in my job and life.
These brilliant teachers’ names were Tobias Mayer and Francis Laleman.
Walking with my childhood mates (Friendship)
In late 2021, I went to my birthplace which is the riverine city of Guwahati in India. Whilst there, I wanted to catch up with my best friends who I was not actively in touch with for roughly 2 years.
I asked them to come to the banks of the river Brahmaputra, at 6:30 in the morning.
Under the morning winter sun, when the city was still quiet, we walked along the banks of the country’s largest river, enjoying the serenity around us, and reminiscing about the old days.
We bumped into a kerbside cafe and were surprised to find that the cafe was being run by an old friend of ours. There, we sat, talked about life, and had a simple but tasty breakfast.
Just being in the presence of my childhood best friends gave me immense joy and peace that morning.
Meeting the person who taught me without charging a single penny (Gratitude)
It was 1996. My dad’s friend, Mr Ranjit Narayan Deka, was the head of the Economics department in my college and was known to be one of the best teachers of the subject.
At my father’s request, Sir agreed to give me private tuition.
Sir made economics look simple by using day-to-day objects and metaphors like buying tea, frying fish, relishing an orange, riding in a rickshaw, etc.
He taught me for two years and surprisingly never took a single penny for it.
I wasn’t the only one. He privately taught many others without fees.
This year October in India, I visited him.
The one-and-a-half hours spent with him at his place made me feel so blessed that it can be hard to explain in words.
Frail but mentally still acute, he showed me his plants and trees and talked about books, culture, his younger days, and friends like my dad most of whom were no longer around.
I requested him to show me the economics book written by him which used to be my go-to book.
And for a moment, I travelled 27 years back to his study room where, in the early hours of the morning, he used to selflessly teach me the subject that helped to improve both my grades and confidence.
I gave him a small gift, touched his feet to seek his blessings, thanked him profusely, and walked out with mixed feelings of nostalgia and joy.
It was a gratitude that was long due.
Wrapping up
Only when I was writing this article did I notice that my points touched upon Family, Friendship, Travels, Knowledge, Wisdom, Giving Back, and Gratitude.
True happiness for the soul mostly lies in these things and the little moments surrounding them. In the sea of sadness, these brought me peace, joy and hope.
Everything else, like money and materialistic needs, should be seen as enablers to achieving the above.